I smile, it fades

What I read. What I hear. All nothing but a bunch of words filled with high hopes. I smile. But then it slightly fades away. I forget all about it, but then I hear them again. It repeats just the same way. The words of careness, jokes and laughter come by. And again, I smile. But slowly it fades away. My head says stop, my heart says different. It's confusing. Can't quite figure it out and I don't want vague answers. Please don't make me feel this way. I want to smile without it fading away.