TICK-TACK-TALK

A brand new year all over again :)

2012-01-01T21:19:00.000-08:00

"It doesn't matter whether you spend New Years Eve or not, or how you spend it and wherever that place is. What most counts is who you spend it with"

Hope the stomache keeps on craving for good food this year. What would I do without you dear food :)

The four devils making their way to the steepest hill, enjoying sights of pretty fireworks in the heart of the city

Well.. I spent it well with loved ones - Ikiuwbal & The Duo: Nana and Ady. A night full of last minute 2011 memories ought to be remembered and a new day of the hope-to-be spectacular year.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2012!

Hope everyone has good plans and intentions for the year ahead. May we all be granted the most beautiful things this year :)

Special credits to this patient and humble man. Thank you for coloring wonderful sketches and moments in 2011 and putting on smiles for that marvelous previous year. No words can express. Hope things go really good this year for the both of us!

Simple Mathematics

2011-12-06T08:26:00.000-08:00

Life's lesson(s)

2011-10-01T10:37:00.000-07:00

These past months have been full of ups and downs, smiles and frowns. And one thing I really learnt was the art of gain and loss. You know, when you gain something then you lose another or it's vice versa. You see, these previous periods have been surprisingly special yet at the same time extraordinary in a way.
Well, everyone has a past and there's always a story behind it and whatever happened with that chapter now has to go in the memory box, good or bad, positive or negative, love or dislike. Lock it up and let life go it's way and once in a while peek a little to remember and learn from those moments. To be honest yes it did hurt and I acted like everything was okay. To put a smile on my face and walk around was easy but deep down no one knew. And now I know what that kind of loss feels like. A loss of intimacy, friendship and of course, feelings - Thank God I dealt with it well. God answered a little prayer. Certain ones came along - either say it a coincidence or acciddent (though there are no acciddents in life) but things and situations finally lead to an enlightment, maybe for me, it was my Renaissance.

From that cycle I knew and realized.. Yes, loss was painful and it's a thing we never want it to happen but you gotta deal with the fact that you will and how you're gonna cope with it. Either a family member, friend, lover, pet, or anything. Eventually you'll know what you were fighting for and not regret anything about it but keep the memories as a life lesson to take with you through the days ahead.

No pain, no gain? Right? No? Yes? For me, aha yep. Pain led me to a state where I had time to think about things. Make better use of time, work harder in certain aspects, appreciate the work of maintaining and just let things flow. I gained many things and I thank God for every single little thing including a special enlightment in my present days, someone really special now. God, just full of surprises.

So gain and loss is like you and your wardrobe. You lose, donate, throw out a few clothes out though it's hard to chose which ones, either feel good about it or instead regret and sook about it. But then maybe someone will pop up and send you a present, maybe you'll plan to go on a shopping day with your friends or maybe you might just start some DIY's and upgrade a few old shirts - if you get the point. Gain and loss is a part of life, like it or not, it's how you deal with it that'll make you feel a thousand times better. And hopefully each gain, each loss gives a positive effect in our lives :)

Wouldn't this be nice :)

2011-03-03T09:21:00.000-08:00

"A hug is a handshake from the heart. A hug is a great gift - one size fits all, and it's easy to exchange. If you're alone, I'll be your shadow. If you want to cry, I'll be your shoulder. If you want a hug, I'll be your pillow. If you need to be happy, I'll be your smile. But anytime you need a friend, I'll just be me..."

Half past three rubbish

2011-02-23T12:16:00.001-08:00

As usual, can't sleep. Get back to sleep that is. This time due to the blackout that went on for hours. Fell asleep feeling not too well after a neverending meeting. My body hasn't been compromising with me lately, don't know why? Thank god for family, friends, music and a lil dose of "enlightment & encouragement" from anonymous.

I've been getting so much wake up calls these past periods. Most about uni & studies. And heaps about life & love. This semester is really packed and I'm still not sure about the credits I'm taking. Last semester I kinda said to myself to hold back and decrease orgs and getting involved in events, but it seems I can't keep my own words for that. Hope things just go with the flow and turn out okay.

My mind has been split into branches and I somehow can't focus on one spot. I really want & need a getaway, perhaps for a year or two. Somewhere different. New atmosphere, new experience.

Really miss a rub on the head from Mama when I'm not feeling okay. Miss their presence. A lot.

Carnival?

2011-02-19T07:34:00.001-08:00

The only line I can't stop singing to "I will never know if you will never show..."

There's just something wrong

2011-02-01T08:53:00.001-08:00

I don't know, is it only me or what but there's something really wrong with the laws and institutions in this country. Too many if i would start but lately on television it's been full of Ariel's case towards his pornography tape. I'm not a fan of him or his band to say all this but it's ironic if you think about it.

Many people have made their own judgement through personal point of views. I don't know why I even bother, but I have my own.

Our country's to busy dealing with cases that aren't necessary - to expose this much either eventhough his status as a singer. Okay, pornography? Destroying the generation? So? Isn't there loads more of it on the internet? By a click, kids can access whatever content from whatever site consisting whatever contents. Is this case the only problem? Is it that big of a threat compared to those 24/7 accessible sites? What happened to the other "film makers" including government ministers, actors and other usual daily people. Did they even end up in jail? Or did they even get to sit in that single chair in court? What if it wasn't a lead singer of a band that had his videos stolen. Would the world care? I could say, it's actually not fair.

There's thousands more things that the government and court can get going with. Why not take Nurdin Halid out of his seat. It's obvious enough that he's got a lot of problems that are affecting the development of our country especially through the aspect and development of sports here. Why not chase down Gayus Tambunan and find out the price of the wig he's wearing to those different cities he's on "vacation" to, with whose money he's using. Try figuring out those rats that are destroying our country, eating off the money we pay to the government. Where do the stacks of Rupiahs and Dollars end up?

It's ironic. But too bad, the government has too much concern on things like this and all I can do is sit here and criticize.

Hey hooo-li-days

2011-01-31T01:05:00.001-08:00

A month off from uni has actually been really awesome! Enjoying things a lot spending it with the ones I love full time. It's really been about catching up. Quality time with the best company - family, close friends, high school besties at comfy places, talking about life till late hours almost every night, laughing about almost everything. When I'm not out I'll be baby sitting the lil kiddos and teaching them this and that :)

I Learnt a lot of things, experienced new stuff. I even got to meet Vrischa - like after 10 years we havn't met! It was really good seeing her again :)

Despite the wonderful holidays, I really wanna get back to Jatinangor. I miss my friends there a lot. I miss my dorm. I actually miss campus and class. And I miss one other thing as well. Can't wait to get back to uni asap but the other half of my head wants a longer holiday. Another week left. I dunno wether I want it to end or not. Even if there is a reason why I do.

We should close our eyes and ask ourselves

2011-01-27T22:34:00.000-08:00

"Even if you feel like you’re not getting anywhere,
Always keep your head up high!
It’s a genesis, we’re in a genesis..."

You should've closed your eyes to what you thought you were seeing. Running on the spot with burden on these shoulders. Trying to act okay thought it doesn't really help neither of us.

Things happen for a reason

2011-01-27T10:02:00.001-08:00

It's cliche but I know it's true. Sometimes I wonder about a lot of things when I'm unable to get myself to sleep, which I blame the internet connection at most times and late night convos. You know, sometimes after a hectic day you end up gazing through could'ves and would'ves which expand through your head and make you start questioning heaps of things. Why this, why that bla bla bla... But as I learn, things really do happen for certain reasons. Theres always the first line that starts the sketch. Maybe you wonder "Why did I have to meet this person?" and times when you'd say "Why is this happening to me?" or "Why am I here?" or "Can't time tick slower/faster!" and all those big question marks and exclamations. It depends on how we define and face things in different situations. You can't get everything you want but if it is yours to be, then it'll eventually come to you in it's own way, yours to have.
At this point, I'm defining my own situation. Thinking things over and working through why the heck this is happening. Maybe what's happening now is the result of my weakness towards saying "no". Maybe the "nggak enak" feeling that hits me all the time, always gets me ending up confused and tangled in my own tied up threads. Things don't happen just by a finger click and voila! There's a reason why I'm going over this, again and again. And for this case, it's me. My unability. Perhaps incapability of doing so. And I hate it cos I still have a hard time fighting it. Turns out, it acts as a boomerang towards you, towards me...

Books that caught my eye

2011-01-22T06:57:00.001-08:00

Strolling down some aisles, I came across a few interesting books to put on my list of got-to-gets/got-to-read:

●The Zahir - Paulo Coelho
●Dewey - The small town library cat who touched the world
●The Greatest Philosophers
●Where Did noah Park the Ark
●The Travel Book - A journey through every country in the world
●In our time - Hywell Williams

Dreaming away

2011-01-16T18:45:00.001-08:00

Anyone know anybody who can define dreams? I've been having the same dream of the same person for the last three days. This hasn't happened once. A while ago, it was the same person but four days straight also. Weird enough for me. Now all that's left of it is curiosity. Why? One word. Unexpectable.

He keeps popping in my not-so-real world as the nicest guy on earth with the most generous heart. Though we actually do know each other in real life, hellos when we pass, few times talked, one or two things happened, seen in the virtual world, but it gets way different in those dreams. It's ain't a big deal really, but what's with the continuity and dreamline? Ergh, god knows. What I know, it's got me smiling everytime I get up :|

A superimposed letter to God

2011-01-14T02:00:00.001-08:00

Dear God,
Wassup? I've been wanting to write to you for a long time and now here I am without a paper and a pen - just my heart, head and the keyboard. I've got so much things to say, so many pleads to ask for and heaps of questions why. I know I'm supposed to meet you five times everyday of my life. But all I can say is sorry, at most times I still don't. I realize that what I get is based on what you give but I still skip those days without any mumbles of thanking you.

To be honest, I'm not the kind who fulfills the everyday routines though I do try my best to. Mum and Dad had always taught me things about you eversince the first use of my five senses. I grew with you guiding me eventhough I forgot about you at a lot of times and points in life. Usually when I'm at the lowest point in life, I'd come running to you in tears. But I feel ashame that whenever things are going all okay, I tend to forget - even sometimes pretend you're not there. If we were to be described as the friend to friend type, then surely... I am the worst friend you could ever have. But in this case, I'm not a perfect being. I've got more designs and angel scribbles on my left rather than my right.
Surely you'd know there are many things that if I could ask for, I would. But I live in reality - not that place where you end up when you fall asleep and don't want to wake up because it's just too good to realize it's not true. My simplest plead would be for you to love, care, guide, protect the people among me who I love the most and bless them a healthy, wealthy and wise life. Without mentioning, you would know who I mean. Family, friends, relatives, the whole lot. Make them happy in any way you can. At least that's what I'd want for them, dear God.

Ehm. Question. Wait. I have stacks of them. Why? What if? How? Would you? Could you? And thousands more along with the fill in the blanks. Sometimes I even go way over the limit and question your presence because sometimes my common sense doesn't make sense at all. I know it's wrong and again all I might be able to express is an apology. Again. Sigh.
Not enough thanks in the world to thank you. You've made it clear. I'm working on things now. Hopefully.
God, thanks for making things happen. I'll learn from it eventually.

Love these people!

2011-01-06T11:59:00.001-08:00

No words can express how grateful I am to have you guys.
Dhea Amanda Rustam, Christiana Arizon, Kharisma Tri Andini, Tentry Yudvi Dian Utami, Aditya Sasmita, Yan Wahyudi :) Best laughter and company! Good times and bad. Thank you waaaay too much <3

So we're getting close

2010-12-25T09:59:00.001-08:00

To the end of the year, that is. Too much to comment about 2010 whereas I could say "This is my settling year" Means, settling through conditions, life and love. Getting used to what's been happening in the family, uni, friends, relationship, society and such. It's been a great year I could say!
For the upcoming year, I guess I won't be making the usual resolution list like I usually do. It's kinda useless in a way because they never seem to work out for me. Probably the hardest would always be the procrastinating issues - surely the hardest thing to get over with each year.
I got my 2011 hopes in mind and I'd rather let things go with the flow. Get what I need, when I can. Go where I want, when I want to. Be with the people who can make me feel like myself. Enjoy things as they are. It'd be way better!
Many unforgettable moments will always remain in this short-term memory of mine. Ones too good to be true. Ones filled up with tears. Unstoppable laughter, continuing pain. The feeling of comfort, friendship, like, love and connections all rounded up with smiles and frowns. Dissapointment towards myself, friends and situations. But what happens, happens and that makes it all a part of experience and learning. Too many people to thank that I know of, that have filled up almost 365 days of this year with joy and tears of laughter.
Simply hope for a better year ahead for myself, the fambam, friends, this nation and everyone I know. Healthier, wealthier and wiser :)
Thanks for the memories, 2010!
xoxo Make the best of each day ahead!

Agreed

2010-11-29T09:20:00.000-08:00

"They'll only see what you've been doing. They'll never know the reason WHY you did it and the effort you put to it. Ignore bullshit. Keep your ears detoxified and let whatever. You know the game"

Dear anonymous,

2010-11-26T22:50:00.001-08:00

Learn to confront people when you've got a problem. Come to them, say it, explain it. Don't go around tweeting shit about them. Minds aren't that stupid to know whats going on. You go on saying this and that then in person you act all nice and everything. Why be such a hypocrite? No use at all. You hate then you come back as if nothing happened then it goes through this cycle all over again. Grow up, your not a kindy kid anymore. And if you're just looking for attention, well then I feel sorry for you.

Realization?

2010-11-24T10:05:00.001-08:00

Call me stupid. Yes. Call me naive. Yes. I know what I did actually hurt me eventhough you think I'm all ok with this. My smiles mean a million things right now. You always say I give good advices but if only you knew in a way they strike back at me with pain. I say this, you do precise. Then? Look what happens now. How long has this been going on? I can't believe I keep up with this shit. Yeah shit, absolutely ridicilous. You're there a day and gone another. Being there, the support, jokes, mild thoughts. Almost everything. How do I conclude to all this? Please, just please..

I know. Regrets come way after you've gone kilometers ahead. After you've driven into a pole which you couldn't see cos you were too busy tuning the radio looking for a good song to accompany you through the journey. Yeah yeah I'm not a newbie in this kinda thing but stupidly, I never learn and you never seem to make it any better. If only you'd understand, this is what I really don't want. Hey regret! Befriended. I just never came to realize that I, whatever. Lightning doesn't strike the same place twice. Hope we can work it out, somehow.

Things are so cenwo

2010-11-22T11:36:00.000-08:00

God I feel so worn out. I've missed three days of my medication-make that four looking at the clock, and the feel of fainting just keeps coming :|
Football life just ended last week and kinda sad there's not going to be everyday practice anymore. First place, gold medals, and huge smiles earned at the most prestigious sports event at uni. Srikandi Sastra deep down earns a place in my heart :') Best coach, rockin team!
So so sooo, Gates was awesome despite the weather which sucked. A story too long to tell but worth to remember :) Heaps of fun and events made the day wonderful and enjoying. Learnt many valuable life lessons and thankful that I'm a part of the English Department :)
Now, dealing with this theatre thingy and to be honest if I could, a rest for a few days would be REALLY good, it'd be the best offer on the calendar right now, unluckily no. Hope this event goes well eventhough things are still far from ready. To make things worse, E-days and Duren Cup are coming up, which means... Just need a break right now, seriously. If my illness gets worser by anytime, can't imagine myself being allowed to go anywhere aaaaah. One hope: Decent rest!

Things are hazy

2010-11-13T12:01:00.001-08:00

The delight being around you keeps me curving my lips in joy. But it's confusing, the fact that I don't get what's on your mind. It's like looking through a foggy window. You see something but don't know what it clearly is. You just have this thing in you that makes it so hard to explain. At least I'd like to say, that you made my days a tad brighter. But still...

Bla blaaaa

2010-10-14T08:35:00.001-07:00

I miss my mom. I miss my dad. I miss my lil brat. I miss home wherever it actually is which at this time I don't have a clue. Had a night where I cried myself to sleep after mom called and she said that she had the flu but I knew that she was crying. Just couldn't help it. I miss them A LOT!

There's something missing, I don't know what. Can't describe it, can even explain it. Each time I try to, the words just never come out right. I don't what it is and I hate guessing about all this. Please make things clear, so I can clear out this stuffed up mind.

(?)

2010-10-03T10:49:00.001-07:00

What do you feed an empty heart?

TIWYG when you lose composure.

2010-09-27T11:17:00.001-07:00

I'm stepping out cos I want to. I don't wanna keep this inside and have myself stuck and running on the spot. I've turned the page and now I've got a clear page to fill in with new things. Life, uni, situations and yes of course, love. My strangled smile, strangled no more.

What meets the eye sometimes stays in the heart. I guess you're different from the rest. It's funny how in a lotta ways you really really seem the same as the main character in my past chapter. It's like seeing a doppelganger... You both have the same interest and genre in music, brains, how youse type, how youse talk, how youse dress, wew wassup with this?
But nah you're special in your own way. I don't expect anything. Just a smile that can brighten up a dull day, perhaps everyday :)

Random stuff

2010-09-17T09:11:00.001-07:00

I guess it'd be nice to have a friend to speak to in english through daily basis. I mean, not just by comments, twitter, chat, phonecalls or etc. But an everyday person I get to meet either at uni or wherever, you know, ones that get those inside jokes and hillarious slangs. I'm not with Mum and Dad anymore so that makes things even worse, cos at least with them, we can say a thing or two, take it as practice. One thing for sure is that I've lost my accent due to the lack of verbal actions :s
But idk... It bothers me that when english is used here (most) people tend to think differently towards the real purpose of using it. Just kinda dissapointed that I go to an english based major and it's only used by a few of the teaching staff whilst 90% of it is Indonesian. Way different in UI where they use english as one of their main daily communication. Meh, but fortunately I feel real comfortable here so I cbb to go over those tests again to get into UI anymore haha.
So long for random thoughts!

Twitter effect (SD)

2010-09-13T00:10:00.001-07:00

#jamansd first crush gw lopiseni tui :)
#jamansd gw pinter matematika.
#jamansd kicked a guy in his balls cos he was being an ass to my friend.
#jamansd jadi school captain :)
#jamansd ikut ekskul oztag, netball, gardening, swimming sama dance.
#jamansd jadi teacher's pet which was kind of a burden.
#jamansd bikin mudcakes dari lumpur, hiasannya cacing tanah.
#jamansd body super lentur, kayang handstand flip dll kecil! sekarang no comment.
#jamansd benci banget sama nenek sihir yg jaga perpus yg mirip cruella de vil.
#jamansd jatoh dari 30 set tangga, kaki kiri patah, gabisa jalan 3 minggu.
#jamansd nemuin majalah bokep orang jatoh pas lg jalan, terus diancem bakal dibunuh kalo bilang-bilang.
#jamansd my first puppy love :D
#jamansd atlit lari, sekarang bangkotan haha
#jamansd suka pake lipgloss super shiny, ew haha.
#jamansd suka banget baca buku, sekarang hem.
#jamansd koleksi hadiah happy meal ampe bejibun.
#jamansd sebelum berangkat sekolah nonton sailor moon, humphrey, dragonball z, pokemon etc on channel 10.
#jamansd ngewakilin sekolah di cross country district zone.
#jamansd pertama kalinya nambang emas, seru!
#jamansd masih sega, ps1, nintendo dkk dan games kaya lemmings, street fighter dll top banget.
#jamansd suka dititipin di rumah tante ama om.
#jamansd pertama kali ngeliat guru gw main spanish guitar dan gw langsung jatoh cinta sama gitar.
#jamansd first time went to a 'party'.
#jamansd diajak bolos ngaji buat nemenin sepupu main bilyard sama cowonya.
#jamansd pertama kali belajar naik sepeda roda dua sama pogo stick.
#jamansd pas ngaji afalan yg gw afal banyaaaaak banget.
#jamansd doyan tukeran kertas diary.
#jamansd daya inget gw masih bagus.
#jamansd ada guru gw yg akhirnya jd kepala sekolah tingginya 2m lebih, like shaq!
#jamansd beli sepatu sekolah selalu nike dan model gajauh beda. bokap ampe bosen.
#jamansd first catfight!
#jamansd saya tomboy tapi memperhatikan penampilan.
#jamansd kecelakaan dahsyat, kulit pantat kegores ban pas lagi diboncengin naik sepeda kepleset ke ban pas ada polisi tidur, dan sodara gw ga berhenti.
#jamansd rambut klimis, poni dua helai, ponytail.
#jamansd keranjingan boyband sama teen pop singers.
#jamansd paling suka pelajaran spelling and art.
#jamansd kamar penuh poster usher, nelly, lil bow wow haha.
#jamansd was one of the hardest goodbyes in my life.
#jamansd adaptasi jadi anak baru lagi.
#jamansd cengok ga ngerti bahasa 'gaul' haha
#jamansd untung dapet temen yg sama superbaiknya di sd sebelumnya.

and the list will never end...

Twitter effect (TK)

2010-09-12T23:21:00.001-07:00

So last night, twitter was filled with flashback hashtags about #jamantk #jamansd #jamansmp anda #jamansma which totally made the timeline full with hillarious flashback moments.
Iseng-iseng ternyata banyak juga hal-hal random yang muncul di otak gw.

(Jaman TK)

#jamantk tiap hari gw dianterin sekolah dipiggy-back bokap di pundaknya.
#jamantk nyokap gw hamil ade gw
#jamantk pipis celana di dalem kelas, embarrasing!
#jamantk main sleeping lions, ketiduran beneran eh ditinggal sekelas ke perpus, bangun-bangun cengok.
#jamantk suka main kejar-kejaran sama anak cowo.
#jamantk tiap hari mau sekolah, rambut didekor dulu sama nyokap.
#jamantk beli es balok panjang 1, potong bagi 2, sebelahnya dibagi ke temen.
#jamantk ulangtahun dirayain di kelas.
#jamantk nangis karena dijemput paling terakhir
#jamantk suka nangkep kupu-kupu di rumah tetangga.
#jamantk pelajaran favorit, mewarnai sama story-telling.
#jamantk punya barbie setumpuk, plus rumah-rumahannya, mobilnya sama si ken juga.
#jamantk pernah nangis jerit-jerit kaya orang kesetanan gara-gara minta beli mcd jam 3 pagi.
#jamantk guru gw jutek.
#jamantk free icecreams every saturday!
#jamantk bekal selalu bread and nutella plus poptops.

and so much more memories hahaha :D

Eid Mubarak!

2010-09-09T11:46:00.001-07:00

Selamat Idul Fitri to all us Moslems celebrating it. Eid mubarak! :D Hope everyone gained the essence of this holy month and may Allah always shower us all with blessings each and every day.

To everyone: Taqabalallah minha wa minkum. Minal aidin wal faidzin. Mohon maaf lahir dan batin karena gw pasti punya banyak salah. Semoga bisa ketemu Ramadhan tahun depan bersama keluarga, sanak saudara dan teman-teman sehat walafiat dan panjang umur. Amin!

Intentionally said

2010-09-08T15:17:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow's gonna be one of the weirdest and worst lebaran ever by far. Lost grandpa and grandma, closest uncle too, mum and dad not coming home for lebaran which is the worst part, and just the whole different scene. Don't know what I'm feeling right now :| But yes god I'm still blessed and grateful for what you've given me. Grateful that you've still given us, the whole family and I the chance to fulfill our one month duty and celebrate our victory still healthy and full on capable in doing so. Alhamdulillahirabbilalamin. But behind the happiness, I can't express the total sadness in me and all I hope now is that we'll all have the chance to meet again the following year with the better lot :) Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin.

Put a smile on your face

2010-09-05T05:20:00.001-07:00

When you needed me and didn't yet want me, I was there. But now that you want me and need me. I guess we're better of this way. I took my time to think it out. We started off well and we'll end it the same way. I never wanna be a burden towards anybody's life, so please don't make me feel that way. Friends? Yep, till the end! Just hope things will stay the same xox

At last!

2010-08-23T13:47:00.001-07:00

Wow, passed July, and now reaching the end of August. No blogposts, huh? Gee, I have been dying to post but in a way, I just couldn't be bothered to write things down. These past absent days, weeks and month were spent with a journey to where my parents we're staying. Man it felt REAL good to see them after soooo long ♥

Well in short. Learnt new things, met new people, discovered a whole new world, fell from a motorbike, new dorm, new friends, new experience, brand new semester, fell in love (I guess so) ehm and yes, Ramadhan for sure :)

So, I guess I'll start blogging again :D Finally, back to writing!

xoxo

Dear Mama,

2010-06-26T02:14:00.000-07:00

On your 42nd birthday, my prayers and best wishes continue for you and they'll never stop. As you reach a different age each year, my love will never change for my beautiful mama. Semoga mama selalu dilindungi Allah SWT wherever, whenever at all times. Semoga mama selalu diberi kesehatan dan umur panjang so you can see your son and daughter grow up to be the best. Semoga Allah SWT melapangkan rezeki mama, melapangkan hati dan fikiran mama. Diberi keselamatan dunia akhirat dan bisa menjadi mama yang diteladani anak-anaknya dan orang lain. Semoga Allah SWT membalas semua amal ibadah mama dan mengampuni semua dosa mama. Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin.

You have been there since the first light that caught my eye. Raised me till this day with your love, which I am blessed for each and every single day. There's no way I can repay all the love you've given to me till today. You mean the world to me and your the reason why I'm here. Whatever numbers describe you, it will never matter because I love you Mama! Happy birthday <3

With love xoxo

I was going to, but theeeeen..

2010-06-26T01:29:00.000-07:00

I was going to change my blog header with this:

But my blog turned out really awkward so i decided to leave it this way until i'm bothered and able to fix the layout.I made it myself except for the main background which was from shabby.
Someone help me pimp by blog, i'm bored with the whole blackscreen.

No offense, but

2010-06-23T05:37:00.001-07:00

I'm getting fed up with everything here. Well uhm probably, ALMOST everything. The place, the people, the situation and condition, the environment and even the government which I don't quite have anything to do with really. I wanna be somewhere else. A better place, a clearer atmosphere. I'm not implying that I hate my country or anything - I love it actually, having all my friends and family here and there. It's just that this place is just not the place I imagined it to be. I want a better life than this one I have now although I'm grateful that I actually have one. I want things how they used to be back then. Ok I admit, I miss Australia. Who doesn't if you were in my shoes. The place, the people, the friends, the family, the atmosphere, the whole life there. Absolutely different compared to things here which are all messed up and unsolved. I don't blame anyone and no fingers pointed to what's causing me to feel this way. Some understand and a lot might not. I wanna be somewhere other than here and turn things the other way around. God, if only you'd let me. I'm so fed up.

Tentang Papa

2010-06-20T10:00:00.001-07:00

Papa. That's what I call the one and only most valuable man that has been in my life since day one.

Physically, Papa berkumis tebal, berotot gahar dan berbetis besar hahaha. Rambutnya dari dulu segitu-gitu aja. Good sense of clothing, prefers shirts and jeans and no serious suits or tuxedos. He's an average height of a man with a surprisingly proportional weight with muscles and abs. Papa nggak pernah bisa gendut dan separah-parahnya gendut, itupun melebar ke samping hanya seinchi dua inchi - hmm ngiri. He loves to excercise and weightlift a couple of kilos everyday. Katanya kalo lagi sakit, alesannya uda lama nggak jogging dan obatnya olahraga. He loves all kinds of sports especially football dan biasanya kalau ada pertandingan seru kayak euro, liga champion, world cup dll, kita selalu nonton bareng sambil ngemil dan ngopi (hiks, kangen)

Papa berwawasan sangaaaat luas, terutama bidang olahraga, sosial, musik dan politik, therefore he's one of the best sources of information that I know of. Papa pinter bergaul sama orang from upper-class, middle-class and lower-class society. Papa suka cerita tentang hal apapun mulai dari detail terkecil sampai yang bisa dibilang nggak penting. Dan kalo lagi jalan-jalan kemanapun, he can be the best guide you'll ever have because he explains everything on the way percisely like a tour guide. Papa adalah orang yang nggak pernah marah, mukul, nyubit, nampar ataupun main fisik atau apapunlah namanya. He also has many special abilites like whistling with his tongue, football juggling and heaps more. He can sing, play the guitar, flute, keyboard and harmonica.

Waktu kecil, setiap hari Papa selalu nganter dan ngegendong gw di punggungnya ke sekolah sampe gw uda cukup tua untuk sadar kalo gw uda nggak pantes lagi digendong. He has always been there for me at all times.

Papa is the most hardworking man with the biggest hardworking spirit. Dari dulu kerja full-time jobs dan double shifts buat menuhin kebutuhan keluarga, and he always buys whatever his children need, want and ask for. Walaupun kerja full-time, he always has spare time for the family and on the weekends we go out to eat or spend quality time with each other. Dia orang yang sangat royal ke siapapun terutama keluarga.

Papa bisa dibilang orang yang nggak sabaran, tapi untuk masalah keluarga, he's number one. Papa orang yang saking banyaknya pengalamannya, harus sambung cerita tiap lagi cerita ke gw dan Tio. Dia orang paling mandiri yang gw kenal. Pantang menyerah, pekerja keras, tangguh dan penyayang. When he has money, he can spoil us like crazy. But when it's the other way around, he'll do his best to occupy our wants and needs in any way he can.

Biarpun papa jarang bilang sayang, I love you atau kata-kata romantis semacamnya ke Mama, Tio ataupun gw, he has his own ways of telling and showing us and we know how big his love is for us and yes we love him from the deepest part of our hearts. Papa selalu ketawa tiap Mama ngelawak and I know how much Papa loves Mama eventhough he rarely expresses it by words. They complete one another and I guess they're mean to be with each other - I hope that one day, I meet a man similar to my dad and have a son just like him. He deeply loves his family, mum, dad, brothers, sisters and friends eventhough he just doesn't express it.

There's just not enough words to describe how much I love my dad and there's nothing big enough to show the world how blessed and grateful I am to have him in my life.

Whenever I think about everything he's done for the family, how he's sacrificed, how he works so hard for us, you know, I start to cry. Gw sedih banget karena gw tau, gw ga bakal bisa ngasih apa yang bokap gw uda kasih ke gw selama ini. Gw juga sadar bokap gw semakin tua. He's soon-to-be 49 and you know that they're getting older and you start to fear all those unwanted feelings. Air mata selalu netes tiap gw keinget hal ini. Gw belum bisa ngasih apapun buat nyenengin dia. Mengingat sekarang bokap gw juga jauh di Sumatera dan ketemu dia paling pas liburan makes it even more intense. It all frightens me to know that one day he won't be here anymore, and I haven't a single thing to make him proud.

Papa, walaupun secara langsung nggak bisa bilang tapi Papa harus tau kalo Tika sayang banget sama Papa. Tika selalu inget kata-kata dan nasehat Papa, yg bikin ketawa, kesel dan juga nangis. Thank you will never be enough for me to say to you, for all the things you've done for me and what I do will never be enough to repay your love in any way. Tika minta maaf kalo Tika pernah bikin Papa sedih, marah atau kecewa. You are the best dad any child could ever have and I'm lucky that I have you. You're a role model I look up to. You're my hero. You're my dad. Tika selalu berdo'a buat Papa sama Mama and I'll never stop my prayers for you. Semoga selalu dilindungi Allah SWT dimanapun dan dalam kondisi apapun. I love you no matter what and I'll do my best to make you happy, Pa. Happy Fathers Day.

I LOVE YOU DAD, TIKA SAYANG BANGEEEET SAMA PAPA <3

(This blog will just never be enough to describe...)

Bandung blast with the best

2010-06-07T08:39:00.001-07:00

It had been an awsome past few days. Rayi and Irin came over to Jatinangor. I was extremely happy to see them cos it'd been ages since the last time I met them and actually got to hang out with them, catch up on everything - life, love, uni, gossip and etc. I was hoping that the others could've came but they still had uni in Jakarta and Jogja.
To round it all up, we chilled and had flashback moments at J.co then continued the fun with Sex and The City 2. We got Dwi into watching it because at first he insisted haha. On the way I stopped and stared in front of the Adidas store and went crazy over the F.50 football shoes, cool ass! After the movies, we went to eat at this bakso malang place which was really good. Stayed the night at Dwi's place and really appreciated his and his family's hospitality. Thanks :D Next day caught up with Kujoy and Farley and chilled again at De'risols and later on headed off to see Capoeira practice at ITB and at the same time met up with Kak Intan and Kak Ulan. Had some photos taken by Kak Ulan with her great shots which were hillarious. Had dinner at Dapur Eyang and couldn't stop laughing about lots of silly things. We ended the night strolling around Ciwalk to see some goodies. We then parted and said our see ya laters to Dwi, Kujoy and Farley who stayed in Bandung then headed back with Rayi and Irin to Jatinangor. Can't wait for the upcoming holidays and have a get together again but also with the others :)

Now I've got my final exams starting today till next week. I've had lots of fun this past week and now it's time for serious business, i.e studying hahaha. Hope things go well and the results turn out far from my prediction :D
Bismillahirohmanirohim !

A few shots from Piala Rektor

2010-05-29T05:50:00.001-07:00

Shawty's like a melody in my head

2010-05-29T05:43:00.003-07:00

So I was wasting my time youtube-ing today and went random searching. Somehow it led me back to Legaci (it always does) hahaha. They had new videos up and I just couldn't get my ears off this cover remake. I love all their videos but this one was just awsome :) ----> CHECK IT OUT HERE

It was only a dream

2010-05-28T20:44:00.001-07:00

Last night I had the most wonderful dream. He was there. He who I haven't seen or talked to in ages. He who used to fill up my days and make it all better. He who used to listen and share things with me and vice versa. It all felt so real with his presence talking, chilling and spending quality time with my friends and I. Can't even remember the last time I even mentioned him and last night he came out of nowhere. But as for all good dreams, I wish it was true but no. It was all just a dream, too good to be true. Thanks for coming by and yeah I miss you too :)

Ear-budding for a better life

2010-05-28T10:19:00.001-07:00

Wherever you go, whatever you do (sounds like a song haha) there'll always be people talking about you, oh and yeah especially behind your back. Either positive or negative, we tend to take them seriously. Well it doesn't become such a big fuss when good things about you are being talked about, some happen to actually enjoy it that they want it to continue and have the news spread worldwide haha. But what about those negative news, rumours and opinions that come and go by the name of you. There's always the lovers and yes, haters. So what do you do?

See, I was one of those who always listened to what others had to say but was unable to disagree freely about their opinions, taking too much concern on what people had in mind of myself and also other people. Believing what was being said behind backs and making myself fuss with the news. I always felt I had to do this and that when someone made a statement, believing that it was the uber right thing. I would also think a thousand times before doing something cos I was afraid what other people would think. I didn't have the ability to stand up for myself making me such an unconsistant person cos I had to depend myself on what other people had in mind. Well well well, that was the past. I feel way better being able to do what I feel like doing now without having to worry about what other've gotta say. People have their opinions and so do I. People can say this or that and I won't mind. I guess people should really start living life without the burden of other people's point of view about. Be grateful if it is positive, but relax when negative news gets in your way. Make it some source of encouragement, faith and spirit thats gonna turn you into a much better individual with a great personality and wonderful acheivements. Despite all that, take critics and negative statements as a mirror or critic box in our everyday actions, but when you know whats right and wrong, believe in yourself. Forget what people have to say about you. When you know your doing the right things on the right track, keep your head up and you know you can do it. And add a smile to it :)

Thanks to you

2010-05-27T10:59:00.001-07:00

I just feel like an idiot smiling to myself like this right now. Thank you, you made my day after all the mixed up feelings and emotions, the sighs and the frowns. You turned them all upside down :)

Until today

2010-05-21T10:44:00.001-07:00

I never knew about all this. And now here I am with my regrets. All I can do is let my tears drop as each one expresses the apology, the sadness, the fear. I should've understood the whole situation but no I didn't at all. I enjoyed my days thinking things were going just fine when they were actually the other way around. I've never come to realize it would all turn out this way. Just all out of the script. I can't even imagine the things swirling in my head even happening. I don't want it to appear in my mind. I hate myself for all this and I would've done better if only I had known.

Now I can't help but let the salty water flow with regret. I wish things would come back to normal. The plead, coming from the deepest part of the heart cos I can't take it anymore eventhough I try. God please, you know exactly what I mean eventhough these useless words aren't making any sense.

I smile, it fades

2010-05-19T05:35:00.001-07:00

What I read. What I hear. All nothing but a bunch of words filled with high hopes. I smile. But then it slightly fades away. I forget all about it, but then I hear them again. It repeats just the same way. The words of careness, jokes and laughter come by. And again, I smile. But slowly it fades away. My head says stop, my heart says different. It's confusing. Can't quite figure it out and I don't want vague answers. Please don't make me feel this way. I want to smile without it fading away.

A day I'd never forget

2010-05-16T00:05:00.000-07:00

What if that one thing never happened? Will it all still be like this? Sometimes I wonder but can't understand. Yet I try my best to cope with it eventhough thousands of questions still run through my mind. I don't blame anyone nor anything. I just want to know what it would've been like. If only the clock could stop and whizz back to that one day and turn it all around maybe things won't be like this. Yeah, I wish. It all seems unfair but then what? Nothing I can do about it. Reminiscing and sitting down thinking about it is a waste of time and I've gotta realize and wake up from this stupid mind. Stupid thoughts. Stupid hopes. It's pathetic cos I know it's not getting me anywhere but I guess everyone would feel the same. As for the ones I know, yeah they do. I just wonder. It's like this huge question mark on my forehead in need for an answer. But still, nope, unanswered and never will be answered. Until when, I don't know? But for as long as I know, it'll still remain that one thing I can't get myself over. That's what you call life.

Valuable lesson learnt

2010-05-14T10:41:00.001-07:00

Just wanna share a bit of my experience about an event I participated in last week. It's called Piala Rektor, a football championship held annualy against all the faculties and is one of the most prestigious events held for the students and teachers of Unpad.

This event taught me many things and valuable lessons. Why? The proccess of it all. One week before the event there was a team selection and we had to pass that in order to make it into the team for the competition. Ten of us girls passed - Nana, Tete, Dara, Seddy, Titis, Shinta, Lia, Yuu, Ibon and I. Everyday we practiced after uni until night for about only a week. We gained new skills, tactics and positions. Yet most important, we gained new friendship :) We also had a great manager, Kak Novi. Great coaches, Kakvin, Kaknina and Kakcut plus spiritual advisor, Bang Helmy. You can say a week was short but wow, it was tiring. In short, we competed, did our best and made it to the finals but lost against Fisip, while the boy's team got third place.

What I learnt from this event is that:
- YES, PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT! Without practicing you won't know how far your abilities are or how left behind you are at something. Practicing is the key to capability and progress. Eventhough we only had one week of practice, but it was all worth it and we now know the benefits of it all. Practicing should be applied in everyday life for studies and etc. You'll see the difference.
- TRUSTING OTHERS. In football trust is a big thing. Trusting your team-mate is one of the main keys to a solid team. Same as in life, you need to trust other people if you want to be trusted as well. Believe in other people and know that they won't dissapoint you and vice versa. As for friendship and relationship, learn how to trust each other, therefore it becomes the thing that keeps the bond together.
- TEAMWORK. It needs two to tango and eleven to play football. In this case on this field it needed five. The whole competition was about teamwork, how we cooperated with one another. Teamwork was the whole point in the game. Eventhough you were good individually, but without your team-mate, you became nothing. Thats what it is like in life. You might be individually successful, smart, beautiful or whatever, but if you can't cooperate well with other people then there's just no point.
- IT'S NOT ABOUT WINNING AND LOSING. IT'S ABOUT THE PROCCESS OF IT ALL. Dang, this really got me! At first, in our heads were about winning, first place, trophy, pride and etc. But at the end, personally I realized it was all about the proccess of it all. The days we spent practicing, the bond we created, the friendship, the amazing teamwork, the extra hardwork, the time spent, just everything. It was all priceless. Okay, it was dissapointing not winning the first place. But look on the brightside, Second place, a trophy, cash and of course the best team ever ! We did our best and we're proud of it. Loved the competition, loved the matches, loved the team! Also thumbs up for the crew who did a great job on this event!

--> Proud to be a part of the Faculty of Letter's Girl's football team :) GO FIGHT WIN SASTRAAAA !

Time for a better change

2010-04-17T09:26:00.001-07:00

I've been loving my presence in my dorm these couple of days. It's been really relaxing. Catching up with good amount of sleep, God and everything. Have also been eating a lot and I mean A LOT ! I had like five meals in one day and continued snacking the rest of the night. Oh and I've been bodyscrubbing hahaha my legs are still black and white and my hands are worse -__- but I hope they get back to normal soon. It was also fun having a DVD rally watching Melrose Place, Bedtime Stories, English Teacher and heaps more. Oh and the radio today was full of awsome updated songs :) so I didn't need my playlist to accompany me today (Y)

Ah and I'm happy that lately I've been reading the Al-Qur'an a lot and praying on time. No means to show off or anything but I realized that I've been lacking on this and yeah I'm trying my best to change. These past months I've been skipping my prayers and I've hardly even touched the Al-Qur'an, but starting from now on I want to and have to change everything. I got a wake-up call from my aunty when I was back in Jakarta and it made me realize how important all these things are. It really got me and I thank her actually for the consulting session we had :) Just wanna say that it's important to stick with your prayers, better if on time haha. Read the Al-Quran whenever you have the chance especially when you've got a lot of things stuck in your mind, it will really help. Trust me :) At least you know you've always got a place to run to anytime. And.. well maybe this is the only thing I can do for my parents cos they're miles away. Always hope they're ok and I can't wait to see them later on the holidays !

Alhamdulillah, I've been grateful for everything that has happened until now :)

Lateeeeeerrsss,

Round it all up and there you go

2010-04-09T09:34:00.001-07:00

Soooo, I haven't been posting since all the busy stuff that had been going on these few weeks. Porsas was TOTALLY AWSOME ! The whole crew were the best and the competitions went well despite the really bad weather. It was a wonderful two weeks spending everyday at the basketball court and football field eventhough Jatinangor was at its boiling point which caused a lot of us getting sunburnt and black haha but I loved the whole event until the last moment :)

The English Department ruled the event with results as the winner of three categories and the other was won by the Jermans. Aaaand yaaay, our team won the girl's football ! It felt so good winning after all the hard work and practice. It was one of the best feelings ever :) We got a trophy, certificate and cash which we spent by having dinner with the whole team, coaches and manager.

And after Porsas there was UTS -___- The midterm exams which I was so not looking forward to. One word = PFFFT! (if that is a word haha) Man they were all so effing hard and stressin and I dunno how my GPA is gonna turn out this term *worried* I hope I can catch up and do better cos I feel like this term I havn't been concentrating on my studies too well due to other things going on in my head.

I've had so many thoughts wizzing around and they just seem to be getting more complex and I really don't wanna make a big fuss about it so yeah I'll be keeping this one to myself for a while. Hope I'm able to find the solutions sometime later.

Oh and woooweeee I'm finally back in Jakarta after more than a month having myself rot in Jatinangor hahaha. I miss my lil brother and my first impression seeing Tio was like "WHAT THE HEEECK TIO YOU'RE TALLER THAN ME NOW !" And a minute later "WHAT THEEEE, YOU'RE WHITER THAN MEEEE. SHEEEEET !" hahaha and after that I kept standing in front of the mirror with him comparing each other's height haha #sillymoment. Plus he's growing an afro too hehe coool. As for the other little ones, they are like crazy over the 3D rubrics and they are freakin smart at them matching all the same colours while all I can do is mess it up. Talk about having brains :D It's just so good to feel this atmosphere eventhough my mum and dad aren't here with me. But that's why you call them your BELOVED FAMILY. Because they'll always be there for you whenever you need them and you'll know that they will always be there for you no matter what, whenever, wherever. I love you all to the fullest and (as usual, everyday) I fully miss you, mum & dad. We seriously do.

Totally sunburnt, ouch !

2010-03-21T08:53:00.001-07:00

Wow, it's been a busy week and I realize I haven't been blogging for a while. Well oh well, to be honest I need my old sleeping pattern back, seriously ! I've been lacking sleep and I am in my middle to worse physical condition right now. In addition to that, I am officially sunburnt and darker than ever - face, hands and legs cos I've been in contact with the sun this whole week and boy don't ask how hot it has been here ckck, crazy heat ! I am at the worst face, hair and skin point atm :( But whatever, no big deal.

Sooo, this week has been all about Porsas, the event we're having at our faculty. Things have been all good and step-by-step well arranged. Aaaaand hey hey the english department's football teams both won eventhough at the first match the girl's were even 0-0 but thankfully won at the next match 3-0. Yayayaaaay :)

Hemm, no mean to complain but it has been a tiring week and there's still another week to go but it's all been the best of fun! :) Porsas, football, basketball, uni, tasks and assignments all in one package. Hmm I guess I'm lovin it :)

Hope the last week of Porsas is gonna turn out well and be a great success. It's been totally awsome taking part as the logistic crew with all the ups and downs going on this week. And as for tomorrow, a new day, a new week.

Lateeeeersss :)

Don't even bother asking what's going on

2010-03-09T04:32:00.001-08:00

I feel like getting out of this zone where things are dull and static. I'm sick and tired of all this shit going around. The wailing, the whimping. God! I want new things to be able to face in this stereo-typical scene. To be honest, I'm getting sick of these sights I see. I miss the old days where fun actually had a meaning. I don't want to rely myself on others which in reality I still do and I want to start saying no to things I neglect doing. Don't give a damn what people think cos they're not the ones walking in my shoes. I don't know the right word to describe myself atm and it's not making any sense. I need a break before I shatter and say that I'm rather not okay. Please, turn back time or make it tick faster. Cos maybe what I need is the old kind of laughter. Screw it !

Weather complaints

2010-03-07T04:21:00.001-08:00

The weather has been slack lately and it's been raining all the time. I don't know why but I just don't like rain. Not saying that I hate it but it's annoying and it makes everything seem so dull (My perspective). I wish it would just stop raining and let the sun shine its beautiful, warm rays of light. Ah, I miss the warmthness of it all.

Had a movie marathon these few nights. Watched Agent Cody Banks, Hangover, Cristina Vicky Barcelona, My Name is Khan and From Paris with Love.
My Name is Khan was a great movie! I rate it 10 out of 10 :) The story had good morals about diversity, religion, culture, sacrifice, love, hope and yeah a lot of life lessons.
From Paris with Love was awesome too! I didn't believe that John Travolta actually was able to look like that haha. His acting was mad ! It's a must watch movie :)

And and and, congratulations to Kharisma Tri Andini and partner *winkwink*. So happy for the both of you ! Oh so sweet hehehe. Awet-awet ya maaaaa :)
And as for me hehe, I've been taking myself back through memory lane and I to be honest, I miss it. Heaps!

Lateeeers.

I love you Mama

2010-03-06T13:24:00.000-08:00

I was going through my Bebo account and I found this pic of my mama and I which was taken at Uni Nora's Wedding a few years ago :)
Gosh I miss my parents !

(Don't bother commenting on the thick make-up we both have on hahaha)

ENDEMIC - 4th March 2010

2010-03-06T12:28:00.001-08:00

Soooo, ENDEMIC 2010 (English Department Family Communion)- which was held on the 4th of March, was a success despite the bad weather :) Alhamdulillah everything went well even though the rundown was all kinda outta schedule hehehe. First we had the arm wrestling competition which was held at Gorky Park. There were teachers and students who competed in this mini-competition and it was hilarious :D Then there was an auction held at the Blue Stage. The ones auctioned were Pak Ari, Ibu Ari, Pak Taufik, Pak Bima, Uus and this other guy who were all auctioned with quite a high bid hahaha. Then after maghrib there were band performances from Poop in The Backyard, Slylab, Goodbye Seventeen, Saturday Night Karaoke, The Cheese Kacang Buncis, Pancakaki and Vickyvette. They were all great performances especially Vickyvette. The drummer had amazing skills and the guitarist had these ad guitar effects and obviously he had great skills too. Oh and fyi the bassist had fine hair HAHA omigosh i envy that guy haha :D Overall the show was awesome! Didn't regret taking part in this event and being a part of the crew and having to skip classes to finish off everything from pamphlets to fixing the rundown, sleeping over at campus too. All fun ! :)

A big thanks to the whole crew who donated their ideas, time and energy for this event. Also a huge thanks to the teachers who really helped big time! Merci Beaucoup :) Love the English Department !

(Photos: Desi's)

I want to..

2010-03-02T09:31:00.001-08:00

I want to skip religion class tomorrow.
I want to forget that there's assignments due this week.
I want to sleep.
I want to make time tick slower.
I want to complain.
I want to stop this autism in me.
I want to let it all go
I want to get over this thing I can't -__-

00:30 #whatsonmymind

I am far from what you call consistent !

2010-02-26T07:03:00.001-08:00

I'm back in Jakartaaaa! And boy it was a three hour hillarious, crazy, full-on laughing trip with Dhea, Hadi, Isnan, Uti and Aya on the bus. Took me the usual extra two hours from Lebak Bulus to Slipi cos of the traffic jams and closed roads due to Maulid Nabi. Calculate that and that was me, five hours sitting on the bus with a flat butt after that hahaha.

It's been about three weeks since the last time I was home and surprisingly my lil bro's height is now an inch away from me! He's been crazy over badminton and early morning excercise. Whereas for me - I would still be sleeping tight in bed, dreaming awaaay :D What I see in my bro is that he's such a consistent person unlike me. When he says no to something then he won't change his mind about it. Me? Don't even ask. My family and friends know how unconsistent I am and I'm really working on it. At least, I'm trying a bit to hahaha. And gosh he's so mature now in dealing with things hahaha. Great improvement ! :)

Hemmm.. got so many events coming up and I'm kinda messed up and confused with the things I've gotta sort out. Makrab is a week away and I havn't finished making the second brochure and getting the rundown ready. Then there's Porsas, two weeks away and we've gotta get the place fixed for the upcoming date and preparing all the logistic needs. Then football practice - which is is EVERYDAY 4-6 pm but intensive! And then English Days, where I havn't even started a thing. Gee so much things to get going with yet such little time. I just hope everythings gonna go right and successful. Amin ! :)

Galau syndrome

2010-02-24T08:08:00.001-08:00

My mind thinks this way, but in reality my heart thinks the other. So what am I supposed to do now? I want it to stop and let things go the way they should without having to worry about where I'll be ending up and how everythings gonna be. Possibilities and risks are all on the same line. I gotta switch things off, keep it dark, let no ears hear and no eyes see and no minds know. Eventhough stupidly I just did. I'm fully confused here tsk. What am I to do? The feelings won't go away, blablablabla and the story keeps going.

Alone thoughts

2010-02-20T08:14:00.001-08:00

Everything has been so empty. The heart, the mind, the soul, the comfort, the love. Things havn't been quite the same. The pieces of the jigsaw are still missing. My heart asks why and I just can't answer. My mind starts complaining and they're clearly reasonable and I understand why. My soul needs that thing, which right now can't be found. My comfort asks for those special people to be by my side. The love simply needs all those said above, yet hard to fulfill because at the moment I guess they're all out of stock.
So where do I go, what am I supposed to do to fill this emptiness in me?
God, I hate being so melancholy !

Family always comes first

2010-02-19T10:16:00.000-08:00

Wow it's been a wonderful week with all the activities happening. Uni, football, sleepovers, danus, and yep heaps more. Uni classes have been fun cos i guess there hasn't been too much assignments yet. It's kinda boring though cos I'm free on Fridays whereas I was expecting a full week but it's ok. Oh and hahaha religion class was a lil different on Wednesday cos the girls had to wear jilbab eventhough some didn't. I felt very comfortable wearing it and it kinda made me wanna wear it permanently but i guess i still need time. Here's me and Risma hehehe and we both kinda like wearing it and have decided to keep wearing it every Wednesday :)

About football. Since PORSAS is getting closer, we've been practicing heaps. Tuesdays till Fridays and it's been great. Hope we get better in our skills and do well in the matches ahead :)And this week I've been living like a freeman hahahaha, danus with the buddies around Jatinangor and ending up eating somewhere very very late at night and sleeping over at whoevers place we end up sleeping at hahaha, but so much fun!

On the other hands I miss my family soooooo much that I really really wanna see them asap. My mum called a few days ago and she wanted me to send photos of my brother and I so I sent her a few pics. Gosh it's still gonna be a long time till I get to see them again. I also havn't seen my lil bro since the last time I went back from Jakarta which is about a month and he said that he's been competing in badminton matches. Good job kwetio ! :) I miss my lil brat tooooo ! Whenever I play football at campus I always remember my dad and lil bro and man I miss them even more.

lateeeeeersssss :)

Happy birthday to you !

2010-02-13T01:05:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DHEA AMANDA RUSTAM !

Yesterday we made a little surprise party for Dhea after playing midnight basketball at Pedca. We got my room decorated with some baloons and crate paper. Headed off to my dorm at 12.30 after we finished playing and gave the surprise to her :) Hope she liked the surprise and best wishes for her on her 18th year!

And the next morning we successfully poured two bottles of egg+flour+cofee mixture on her and boy it was the stinkiest thing eveeeerrr! Hahahahaa :D
All the best Dhea !

Keeping track

2010-02-09T05:24:00.001-08:00

These few days have been quite filled up with educational business hahaha. Had my uni herregistration and I'm taking 24 credits this semester, hoping that I made the right choice by choosing creative writing as the extra.

78's Education Fair was held on Friday and it was awsome cos most of the 09 batch were there and at the same time promoting their universities. It was a great day catching up with everyone, taking photos and talking about all the old and new events. I didn't realize that I havn't met some of my friends since I left highschool which means like about six months, wew! It was a wonderful day, promoting unpad at my highschool and at the same time a mini-reunion :)

Oh and I'm wondering why Facebook is getting so lame? Maybe for me cos those gifts that people keep sending are kinda annoying and the random people from I-don't-know-where with no mutual friends are filling up my friend requests (I don't know how they even found me?) But I still waste my time on it hehehe. Pffft, social networks are somehow addictive. Wonder why?

Lateeeeersss.

Help me, I can't stop

2010-02-02T02:34:00.001-08:00

These past days, I haven't stopped smiling to myself. Well I have my reasons but I can't believe it's got to this stage hahaha. We meet, and then as soon as I turn my back, I'm smiling to myself like crazy. My friends think I'm going crazy hahaha and they're keen to know why - or specificly who? I dunno why but I hate the fact that it won't stop and I just can't put on a straight face when it all happens at present. Gee, what's going on with meeee?

*And I'm smiling as I'm typing this :)

Lateeeeerss !

Goodbye, International Relations!

2010-01-31T09:34:00.001-08:00

It's midnight, and I still can't stop continuing my holiday habit - which is EATING. Yep at this time of night! I just finished munching away on a plate of rice with marinated chicken with soy sauce and peanuts - which my aunty deliciously made especially for me to take back to my pad hehehe belissimooo!

So here I am, back in Jatinangor currently listening to slowjams and acoustics, going through today's newspaper and freaking out every few seconds cos there's this cockroach running around and I'm totally scared of it! Oh someone save me from those hideous creatures with the ew antennas and nasty smell!

Gee, I really can't sleep but I think I should cos tomorrow's the start to the second term - well not actually starting formally just filling in a few things but whatever.
Second term already. Quick ain't it? As some people are preparing for SNMPTN and the other pass-to-get-to-uni tests, I guess I've made up my mind. I've made my final decision about some recent plans that have been bugging me. I am officially letting go International Relations - my dream major, and I'm gonna stick with the English Department for the next 3-4 years to come :) Eventhough there's still a great desire to get in the International Relations of UI but I think I've found my place here in The Faculty of Letters, Unpad :) As I've always believed that no matter where you go to accomplish your studies or whatever major you take, in the end it all depends on your own individual and how you deal with it. So I've opened my eyes, accepted the facts and I've gotta prepare my best to face what lies ahead. I love the faculty of letters despite the lack of facilities and treatment. But besides the blablabla's, everything else seems enjoying and I'm not going anywhere.

So it's so long international relations! Au revoir. Goodbye. Lateeeeers!

As they say

2010-01-28T01:57:00.000-08:00

"Lightning doesn't strike the same place twice.. "

and I guess it's true.

Funny fun at Do-Fun

2010-01-27T01:08:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was absolutely FUN!
My friends and I went to Dufan to end our uni holidays. Me, Dhea, Risma, Adit and Yan met up at Lebak Bulus. We took the busway to Ancol and we all met up with the rest - Hadi, Sari, Aya and Asty who were already there.
Dufan wasn't as crowded as usual so we didn't have to wait in line that long :)
● Pontang-Panting
It's the one with the swings and during the whole ride Risma kept quiet and she was pale cos she was scared like crazy hahaha.
● Rajawali
Dhea was full-on screaming bujaaaaang and we couldn't stop laughing up there hahaha.
● Halilintar
We all forced Risma to get on this one cos she didn't want to hahaha and gratefully we succeeded to make her go on it :D Hadi and I took the front seats and wow! It was heaps better than the back seats!
● Kora-kora
The pirate ship which traumatized me long ago lol and omg I freaked out but it was cool. The guys sat on the back row and they were videoing the whole thing while us girls we're screaming our heads off.
● Kicir-kicir
Me, Hadi, Yan and Adit got on this ride and we all couldn't stop screaming and laughing at the same time cos we heard Adit swearing "panteeek" while tossing and turning hahaha and the rest had fun laughing at us and our expressions on it :D
● Tornado
After so many times visiting Dufan, for the first time I went on the tornado! At first there was me, Adit, Yan, Hadi and Asty that wanted to try it. But as we were gonna start the ride, Asty ran away lol cos she couldn't stand the height. Therefore it was just the four of us and it was awsome! And I still can't believe that I was brave enough to get on it hahaha. It was an adrenaline pumper for sure!
● Niagra Falls
This was our last ride cos it dufan was closing and obviously we all got wet :)

We ended our day there and headed home. Eventhough we didn't go on all the rides but it was a great day!
Aya, Sari, Asty and Hadi left and the rest decided to hit the beach but cos it was getting late, we decided to head home instead.

Thanks to Risma, Dhea, Aya, Asty, Sari, Adit, Hadi and Yan for a wonderful day! :)
Can't wait for the next trip!

And today I've been laying in bed with sore feet and arms due to standing and walking a whole day yesterday (especially on the bus) hahaha.
Lateeeeersss :D

The radio moments

2010-01-24T07:38:00.001-08:00

Aunty's room, 10:28pm.
Two down, me to go.
#now playing on radio# Mary. J Blige - I am

Now:
● Listening to Trax FM and the chartlist, switching to MP3's when the songs get boring.
●Blogwalking looking for some funny stuff to laugh at and inspiring posts to make me think.
● Waiting for my dad to text/ call me back to ask for money to go to Dufan.
● Going through people's Facebook pages.

Later:
● Make myself something to eat for sahur.
● Continue Guitar Hero.
● Keep waiting for the reply.
● Get some good sleep.

And tomorrows another day! Pffft.

Strumming guitars

2010-01-24T01:51:00.001-08:00

Last night, America's got talent was on Indosiar and I was happy about it cos I've been youtube-ing all of it this whole time and now it's on national television (eventhough it's late but better now than never).
There were great stuff on last night and lots of silly acts that made me crack up :D The Utah tap dancing sisters were cool and so were the triplets, Alizma (I think that was the groupname) which played the violins and made me laugh so bad cos they couldn't talk one at a time and were always finishing each other's sentences. I can't remember them all but there was Arcadian Broad the awsome dancer, the cute eight year old dancing partners, Thia Megian with the amazing vocals, the magician that did the Micheal Jackson leanover thing which was sick ass! There was also this sixty-two year old Carol something who danced like crazy and that was a kinda shocking performance hahaha. The last guy that got on stage with the guitar was one of the best. He had a beautiful voice and great guitar skills :) Oh man, guys with guitars! Charming! :D
Well my friends know how crazy I am about guys who can play guitars. I mean not just random strumming (everyone can do that) but them who can really play. Plucking the strings with tune, melody and feelings. There's this thing that makes guys look more I dunno - you can say charismatic and charming when they're playing the guitar. You know like John Mayer, Keith Urban and all those fascinating guitarists out there. But the minute they leave the guitar, to me it's all gone! Hahaha.
I know a lot of people who can play the guitar extremely well and I envy their skills cos I'm still an amateur and trying my best to get my notes right. I am so bad at it, gosh! I'm sorry Corday (my guitar) I haven't been playing you these days, Momma still loves you :)

Guitarists have their own cool impression and I can't get over those skilled ones :) I remember one of my primary subtstitute teachers, Mr. Archie and he always had his spanish guitar with him. Whenever we had free time he'd always play it in class and you should know that he was freaking awsome whenever he played the flamenco! And fyi spanish guitars need skilled fingers and Mr. Archie had them alright! That was the first time I became interested in guitars. I got my first guitar in Junior High - A cheap beginners one and gee I'm so bad at it and I envy people who can play it well -__- I only know those basic chords and how to strum melodic tunes - thats about it. I do know that instruments are a media of expressing whats inside us and as for guitars and guitarists, they both have bond towards each other where we can express our emotions and feelings through what we play.
Buuuut, because I'm not too good at it, I prefer to listen to those who can play. Jussjeff is one of my favorites on youtube, you should check him out! :)
Salute to guitarists and those who can play! I just love guitars! <3
Lateeeeers :D

Here and now

2010-01-23T05:25:00.003-08:00

I miss playing football with my dad and Tio / I miss uni football practice / I feel like a pig lately, eating so much! / I haven't made any effort of improvement on the guitar / I wanna be in my dorm at Jatinangor / Look at my cheeks tsk / Things are kinda stressful around here / My mind is split into hundreds / I have been going crazy over credits / Tonight, America's got talent! / I read your readables and they're good / I feel like throwing up / Chills and spills / I'm bored and I don't know what to do / Guitar Hero on Playstation / Inspiring quotes / Nervracking behaviour / I don't know what I'm going on about / I just can't say no / The regrets / I don't know what to do /

Classic versus slowjams

2010-01-22T01:41:00.000-08:00

The Laboratory work pattern drill scores are out! Aaaaaand, Alhamdulillah! I got an A for it :) My parents were very happy to hear about it when they called and It made me feel good about it too. Still waiting to see how the other scores are gonna be and my heart is palpitating cos the wait is making me feel nervous. I hope they'd be good enough to make my family proud of what I've achieved.

Today I've been kicking back, relaxing, being a lazyass, cbf to do anything. It feels unhealthy yet sooo good :D Plus I think another session of insomnia-ness is gonna strike me tonight. Pffft !
&& there was a change of how I slept last night. I actually fell asleep listening to classic music - which I don't usually, and boy I had the best sleep! I've always had slowjams to lullaby me and accompany my nights. Last night I had Oren Lavie-A dance around the memory tree, Copin-Nocturne, Suzumu Ueda, Kings of convenience's relaxing guitar melodies and other instrumental tunes which I got off from Uppe.
Guess I found a new way to get myself to sleep now hahaha :D
Lateeeeers, back to food and hitting the mattress continuing my lazy day!

Future flashback

2010-01-21T07:48:00.000-08:00

After weeeeks, complaining to myself about how I havn't watched the movie my class has been going on about, I finally got to watch Sherlock Holmes! :) Got the tickets to watch at Planet Hollywood KC with Uppe and at first we almost changed our minds to watch Nine instead, cos it looked like a real good movie, but we stuck to Sherlock Holmes and I'm grateful that we didn't change our minds hahaha. The movie was awsome! All the detailed analyzation, case-solving, effects - everything! Oh and of course Robert Downey Jr and Jude Law's acting. Great stuff, Fine accent! :)

I was just reading Amel's blog a moment ago and she reposted Viva Twesca. It made me flashback to the good old high school times and how I miss it very much! I can't wait for the Edufair, where the whole 2009 batch are gonna be there and promote their universities. It'll be a mini-reunion and I'm looking forward to the 5th-6th February to see everyone :)
And as for me, I'll be promoting Padjadjaran University with about ten other friends :)
It's happy to know that everyones got their new life after high school and stepping further ahead for the future. Maybe some haven't got in to their dream universities or some just weren't lucky enough to get in yet. Each individual is different. And for that, each person has different paths which leads them to their own destination, to achieve what they aim for, to choose what they want, to believe what choices are the right for them and to be ready to face the risks and consequences. Good luck to all my friends that are intending to go for uni tests this year. Hope you all get into the universities of your dreams and set for your future plans :)
Lateeeeers !

Stupidity is fun !

2010-01-20T06:57:00.001-08:00

While writing this post, as I speak, I've been going back and forth on my Facebook notifications which are going crazy because of stupid hilarious comments filling up Adit's photo. I wonder what the other tagged classmate's reactions are gonna be when they see it hehehe :) Apologize us for our stupidity, unimportant, junking and lame word-guessing through the photo comments! :) But it's FUN !

Speaking of Facebook, it's been such a good friend in my boring late-nights facing insomnia. Well yeah it's hard on the mobile credits but well I guess ok, rather than having to force myself to sleep or watch those lame sinetrons on tv.
Lately, I've been going through someone's profile over and over and over again and I hate the fact that I do it everyday. Worst thing is I don't why? I never even speak to him when we pass - just simple smiles. Maybe because of what happened when we first met each other? Ah damn! What's wrong with meeee? Screw that.

I got a question on formspring.me from Cumi, asking about what supernatural skills would I ask for if I could choose one (kinda sounded like that) and hahaha I answered, I want more than one but if only one then I'd wanna be able to read people's minds. You know like how Sookie Stackhouse can in True Blood. That is cooool. Just walking pass people and knowing whats going on in their heads. I want to be able to do that!
Oh and True Blood is a maaaaddd serial! Good storyline, effects, accent, players, setting etc. But why the heck does there have to be so much sex scenes in it? Besides the eew part, True Blood is second after Gossip Girls hehehe.
Recommended!
Lateeeeerss, back to Facebook :)

Problematic

2010-01-20T00:59:00.001-08:00

Everyone has their own problems, either the intsy wintsy small ones or even the biggest kind of problems to face. Some people deal with them patiently while some find it kind of hard and tend to struggle to solve all the matters.
Problems come in different varieties - life, health, family, love, school, economic, social and etc. Each of us has certainly gone through either one of those or maybe even all of them. These problems pop up in our lives for a reason. The fases we go through in solving one problem can actually teach us many things as in experience, holding on, open-mindness and optimism. I find it pity for people who runaway from their problems instead of facing it - or at least try. Thats where you learn about your life lessons, how life goes, how it can be so nice to you one minute but you turn around and before you know it, its not as nice as it was before.
For the ones facing the typical love problems *winkwink* remember love will find a way. Love stays when you want it to stay and you gotta believe that love is a bond. Therefore you fight for it to keep it that way. No matter the case, distance, situation, condition or whatever.
And as for me in facing my life problems. To anyone who feels they hit rock bottom, remember there are much more people who've hit much further. Learn to look at whats below us and be blessed for what we have in our lives.
Sad? well there's others crying for their lost ones. You've lost hope? Remember the ones fighting for it. Broke? There's people looking for rubbish to eat on the streets. Stressed? Well there's someone out there trying to provide rice for his 15 family members.

Problems. Always going to be a part of our lives. Face them with optimism! Be grateful for what god has given you and hopefully you won't live a problematic life which some people think they do.
Problems, no problemo !
Lateeeeeers

Smile, help, offer !

2010-01-18T23:39:00.001-08:00

Question: Why is it that sometimes people don't have sense of friendliness and humanity around here?
Eversince I stepped back to my country, I've come to realize how people act and react in this kind of culture. No mean to compare and judge negatively but it's the things that have been stored in my head and it analyzes automatically the more I see and go through. I hate to say but theres so much to criticize here and yeah I know critizing is easy, the actions are hard. The way people go on bitching about each other not realizing how they are themselves.
The lack of smiles are one of the things that question me. Why is it so hard to smile to other people? I see that we Indonesians need to practice smiling at each other more often, not meeting someone on the streets and then giving them dirty looks from head to toe just cos you don't like how they dress, the way they do their hair or whatever. You never realize how one smile you give, can affect someone's life and how it actually brightens up your life.
Next thing, why does someone have to know each other in terms to help a person? Stupid if you think about it but it happens. I often hear "Man I wanna help but I dunno that person", like helloooo, you just help! Either you know the person or not, if you want to help, well then do it! Oh and the fact that it takes ages thinking about helping before actually helping someone makes me worried that maybe the brain ain't functioning properly anymore. Hmm?
The other case is one of the most I've seen and experienced. It's when healthy young people, especially men, who don't even bother offering seats to the disable, pregnant, babies and the elder. I always feel like pushing them off their seats and off the bus. Why don't they have any sense of humanity towards others? To all you guys, the healthy and fit people out there, you don't die just for standing in the bus! So offer your seats to the ones who need them the most. No exceptions, girls! You too. You won't get bigger calves just standing a minute or an hour or two. Do a deed and get up hahaha.

It doesn't hurt to smile (unless you've got full-on coldsores hahaha). Start helping whoever, and offer a seat in the bus cos I guarantee its not going to brake your legs or anything. Why don't we start from small things like this and change the negative ways some brainless people started.
These are only like one out of a thousand things questioned in my mind. Talk less, do more - Lateeeers :)

First post of the year. Finally !

2010-01-18T07:58:00.001-08:00

Practically as you can see, this is my first post in 2010 and I'm like whaaaaat! It's already halfway through January, where have I been? Boy I miss blogging! The start to the year has been filled with awsome stuff yet stressful at the same time. The final examinations are over and the last semester holidays have just begun. It seems so quick realizing that I'm already starting my second semester in a few more weeks. Yipeeee! All the things that have happened during the start of 2010 has been a positive effect towards me. The bond between classmates and family have grown much stronger. Talking about family, I miss my parents like crazy and I can't wait to see them in May - and thats if I am on holidays at that time. My mum was saying how much she misses Tio and I, feeling as if its been a year already when its only been a month or two. My dad has been calling almost 24-7 and far it makes me wanna see them even more *tears*.
Friends have been the best company and we've been having the time of our lives at Jatinangor the past two weeks. Sleeping over at different places living like having no homes hahaha, messing up each other's dorms, late-night truth or dare poker with toothpaste, guitar singalongs, youtube-ing the same thing over and over again, hangin out at 3am at square-A, eating like pigs and food delivery at 5am, swimming, gossiping, late-night talks and full on laughter, experiencing the most frightening moment ever and a lot more crazy things.
Thanks to Kharisma Tri Andini, Dhea Amanda Rustam, Christiana Arizon, Tentry Yudvi, Aditya Sasmita and Yan Wahyudi who made my days freakin fun :)

Oh and I havn't been patient enough to see how my IP is going to turn out. I'm hoping that it'd be satisfying enough but I don't wanna have high expectations on that. Just praying and hoping it'll be the score that won't be dissapointing to expose as my first score to the family.
Bismillah, wish me luck yeah and lateeers ;)

Present thoughts 22:03

2009-12-24T07:07:00.001-08:00

Empty heart. Confusion. Procrastinating. Envy. Lack of communication. Resolutions. Dilemma. Taj Jackson. Friends. Assignments. Mosquitoes. The I don't understand why questions. Boredom. Blank stares. His readables. Facebook. Parents. Jatinangor. Useless posting. 2010. Savings. Football. Credits. Vulnerable.

ehmm, confession

2009-12-19T21:30:00.001-08:00

So I'm back in Jakarta. Usually I go crazy and all happy when I'm here. But right now it ain't like that anymore. Instead, I kinda miss Jatinangor - Yeah, I do.
You can say I'm here, to see my brother, aunty, uncle and friends. I don't even know if I'll be spending my new year's eve here or not.
As lame as it is in Jatinangor, I kinda like it there now :)

As it ends, we go back

2009-12-19T09:08:00.000-08:00

Wow ! I can't believe it's almost the end of 2009 and heading to a start of another new year. Many events - and I mean many as in heaps loads stacks of events - have occured throughout this year.
We go back to January and forward. The last months of the senior year in high school, the last moments of our three year journey. The year where we struggled, studied and prepared ourselves for the final exams. We laughed, we cried, we smiled big time.
2009, The year my grandfather passed away. He promised me a graduation plus a birthday gift, but god took him away before I got to receive it. My 18th birthday. Dad's 48th, Mum's 41st and Tio's 13th. The year my lil nephew, Ali, was diagnosed with leukimia. A few months later, his father passed away - Tragic!
It's the year I graduated from high school, standing on stage, receiving the medal, rose and certificate. The promnight and the events that occured. The year I was accepted in Padjadjaran University. Moving to Bandung and living on my own. The year my parents moved to Palembang and the first time my family living separated from each other.
But throughout this year, I've made many great friends from across the country, I've experienced many new things, learnt and tried out new stuff. Liked, loved and even hated. I realize I've improved in a few things, eventhough still far from what I expect. I learnt how to be more open-minded in handling situations. Responsibility as an individual, daughter, sister, friend and social being. How to deal with the so called uni life. A year of independence, growing up and realizing that there's still a million stairs to get to the place I want to be. The importance of studying hard, working hard and praying eventhough procrastination played its part. Being grateful for what god has given me. Learning how to treat other people better, choosing to look at others below me rather than envying the ones above me - a good way to self-introspect. Deciding what choices I had to take and where it has lead me to. Regretting a lot of things, yet moving on and continuing with life. Choosing the things I wanted to do and leaving what I didn't want to do. This year was full of smiles and laughters. Yet, the amount of salty water that ran down my cheeks were also uncountable. All the backstabbers, friend haters, liars, betrayers and etc, well just forgive and forget, that's one thing I learnt. Oh and I thank Gossip Girl - DVD, for some valuable life lessons this year :)

Gee, I just can't wait to see what 2010 has in store for us all. How life is gonna turn out. Where am I gonna end up, what am I gonna be doing. The family, friends, uni, lovelife - just everything !
Hope next year's gonna be a better year than the past ones.
Eleven days till the countdown, fellas :)

and the clock goes tick tock

2009-12-14T11:31:00.001-08:00

it's 2.30am and i can't sleep - so much on my mind .
just finished playing uno cards and monopoly with dhea, adit and isnan - which are all also sleeping over tonight. spent the evening watching duren cup but didn't get to to watch the last match pffft !

three more days to go till the holidays , YEAAA ! but at the same time LOADS OF ASSIGNMENTS to start on -_-

and now i'm multitasking - blogging, facebooking and watching "Freedom Writers" again - for the fourth time already. it's such a great movie that you just don't get bored of .

UPDATE : DONE, FIN

laters,

remember december

2009-12-07T23:48:00.000-08:00

HELLLO DECEMBER POSTS , i havnt even posted anything this month.
days just fly by so quick.. my mum and dad have already reached palembang and next week i'm coming back home to jakarta to see my lil bro :) i've got my final term exams on the 4th of january so i guess it's gonna be a two week holiday just for studying (and hanging out of course) hehehehe.
this week has been rounded up ABSOLUTELY FUN ! ( except for the flu, cough, and fever). though i've been lacking of sleep but it's all good cos when you share the late-night with friends, everything feels wayyyy better :)
the duren cup (football) for the english department is being held and last night went there with the girls to watch the matches. got home at 11-ish and had late-night spillouts with nana till 3am. and my eyes are so baggy now hahaha I NEED SLEEP !

mentioning football, the practices have been really enjoying. with all the friendly coaches and seniors. they treat you all the same and that's why it's comfortable to come every mondays and have practice :) but hey hey i miss my sunday football routines with my dad and my lil bro , awwwww. mum and dad called last night and god i miss them SOOOO MUCH.

hmmm, can't wait for the holidays, can't wait to see what tomorrow has in stall for me :)

Distance is a matter

2009-11-27T08:17:00.000-08:00

Growing up, distance had always been a big issue in my life.
When I was small, I lived in a different continent, miles away from my grandparents and extended family. At that time, the only way we could communicate was by phone and only be able to hear each other's voices. Sometimes my family would send photos and vice versa. Distance was a matter.

I grew up with many amazing friends - ones who were, are, still and always will be special to me. When it was time to return to homeland, distance was another big issue, why ? Because I had to leave what I had - everything, everyone, the family, the friends, the loved ones and then live miles away from them. Sad it was !
Distance was the only thing that kept us apart.

Now, I've gotta deal with the fact that again, distance is, and is going to be a matter. Me studying in Bandung, a city away from Jakarta, and my parents who are going to be living in another province. Living far away from loved ones for me is hard, but I'm getting used to it - I have to.

Distance might be one of the reasons I don't know all my extended family really well. It also might be the reason why 'we' don't keep in touch as often as we did before, eventhough we have Facebook, Skype, MSN and etc. It's just not the same.

But I've got to the point where I realize that distance has taught me loads of things. The ways of adapting to new environments, the true meaning of friendship and family. It has taught me the steps to become an independent individual for my myself and other people. Now I guess living far away from my parents is going to turn me into a better sister for Tio cos it means I'd have to keep an eye on him more often and not have those one on one tempramental moments anymore lol.

Eventhough the distance is only a two hour, six hour, three day drive or even far as in, on the other the side of the world, make it a reason for you to become a better individual for yourselves and other people. Although for me, still, distance will always be a matter.

how are you jakarta ?

2009-11-23T07:35:00.001-08:00

woohoo , 4 days to go till idul adha and i can't wait to get my ass back home :) i've already told my mum to cook the usual delicious homemade cooking just for meee hehehe .
man it's been about a month since the last time i went to jakarta and i'm fully missing everything .
but i guess it's not gonna be as happy as i'm hoping it would because after idul adha my parents are gonna move to palembang - which is across another island (read: heaps far) and this is like wow ! oh man i'm in tears :'( i'm here in jatinangor , my lil bro in jakarta with my aunt and uncle and my parents in palembang ?? geee , still can't imagine how it's gonna be . and saying bye (i mean bye as in take-care-bye) it's one of the hardest things for me to do without salty water running down my cheeks :'(
but again , that's what you call life . you never know what's gonna happen . one day your here , the other day your in a different place . a minute your laughing , the next minute your loaded in tears . the thing is , how do you deal with it .
point is , i just really can't wait to get home :)

laters.

ten million fireflies

2009-11-14T05:39:00.001-08:00

these past weeks i have been fully in love with OWL CITY - FIREFLIES !
ok , at first i was like wth is this song going on about ? oh and the sorta techno kinda beat which i don't usually like . BUT , the second time i heard it on the radio , faaaaar it caught my ears and boy now it's as addictive as chocolate hahaha .
now i am fully listening to this awsome song everyday , forgetting ne-yo and friends for a while hahaha :) it's so relaxing to listen to sleep and accompany you at any time of the day .
you should check it out !

"..leave my door open just a crack. cos i feel like such an insomniac. why do i tire of counting sheep. when i'm far too tired to fall asleep. to ten million fireflies. i'm weird cos i hate goodbyes.."

RECOMMENDED ! :)

a view from the inside

2009-11-13T06:31:00.001-08:00

and there they are . the ones who don't want to make an effort , the users , friend-pickers , sweetalkers . the fake , the liars , the people-haters , the gossipers

look on the brightside there are still the ones who share , the ones who try , the real smiles , the humble personalities , the honesty , the ones who don't go blabbering bull about people , the normal thinkers and straight talkers .

how ironic !

From me to you

2009-11-07T09:33:00.000-08:00

To whom it may concern,

From this day forward, i have officially let go of all my feelings for you. I admit it was hard, but i had to. I thank you for all the good times we spent which meant a thousand things to me. I'm not going to delete you out of my life or anything close to that. Just the feelings that were kept for you in that part of me that never understood why. You'll still be the same somebody eventhough things have now changed. No regrets at all. No hard feelings from neither of us, right? As you said, no tears over shitty situations like this. Well, no mean to be melancholy writing this, but i just can't keep it inside.
We both have our own worlds to discover and travel to, and good luck to you on that. I think i'll do just fine. We'll both move along with smiles. Keeping the bond we've always had. You brightened up those dullest days and i thank you in advance. Maybe the mark will never be erased. But i'm sure one day it'll fade as days go by. Here are my thanks and this is my apology. You might never understand why.

my blablabla's

2009-11-05T20:41:00.001-08:00

my what-i-want-to-do and need-to-do list

● acheive a good grade this term
● try out for scolarships
● start saving some money
● make time for football practice
● improve debating skills and competing in an extern uni competition
● get something special for my lil brother
● learn french and be able to speak it
● be able to keep my room clean
● be a better someone
● stop procrastinating
● spend more quality time with the high school buddies
● plan a holiday for the end of term holidays
● make a wish board like the one on oprah
● read more novels
● change my bad habits
● learn how to not sleep like a cow
● more smiles , less frowns
● wake up before 9 everyday
● forget about the past lovelife and move on

hmm the last one seems kinda hard but i gotta move along ..

great friends, cool lecturers and an unanswered question

2009-10-28T04:57:00.000-07:00

HELLOOOOO BLOG , HELLOOOOO NEW POST !
it's been a zillion years since i've typed useless words and stories on my tick-tack-talking page.

ehem quick review: i've been busy adapting to uni life haha

it's all been really great and enjoying. just had a welcoming camp a few days ago which was MAADDD ! :) the english department had the camp at cikole, lembang. beautiful scenery, trees, mountains,fresh air, back to what you call nature :) it was an exciting two days but unfortunately my team didn't get to go on the flying fox :( hmm oh well, maybe next year i guess.

ok sooo, the lecturers here are very easygoing and they have these superior massive intellegent brains haha (seriously !). each day they make you think harder haha

i've got so much things to update on but i'll make it short.
about a few classes i'm taking...

● prose, exciting but it's effing hard when it gets to the analytical part , it makes you think like you've never thought before haha. it encourages you to think out of the box.
● pattern drill is enjoying and fun asss ! the lecturer has this cool british accent man ! :) now i'm learning how to speak in british accent a lil bit haha
● grammar. i never liked grammar since the first time i knew what it was. but in this class we gain extra knowledge about philosophic, history, mathematic and political issues (well ok, mathematics is not my thing haha) oh and heaps more cos the lecturer has this cool brain consisting of so much knowledge in it .
● paragraph writing, where you write, write and write. oh and the fact that i suck at writing paragraphs of anything makes it kinda stressful.
● english speech. no comment haha. the title is 'english speech' but there's no difference to paragraph writing, it's weird !

overall, i learnt that by loving something you don't, will make it easier for you to love even more :)
oh and uhmm at welcoming camp, this was a thing that struck me and made me think it over, "what do you have that others don't have that'll be able to make you outsand amongst other people"
and the question is: so what do i have ?

laters.

C is for cutting and cleaning

2009-09-29T08:02:00.000-07:00

time just goes by so slow here in jatinangor. i just texted my mum to see how everyones doing back at home and mum said theres a blackout in jakarta. geee, what is wrong with PLN ? ckckck
maaann, i miss everyone at home !

------------------

FINALLY, I GOT A HAIRCUT ! (after like what? months? years?) hehehe my head feels lighter now !
thanks to the banci-guy that cut my hair, i didn't regret saying goodbye to 7cm of my hair (like i usually do) :) NICE WORK ! *super duper biggg smileeee*

well oh well today i had class at 9.50am, but the killer-with-no-sandals-on lecturer couldn't attend class so we signed the attendance list and i decided to head back to my pad. first thing on my mind was to clean up, cos like my desk was a huge disaster, my wardrobe even worse, dirty clothes waiting to be washed and etc.
got the dirty clothes in a bag and sent it to the laundry (i couldn't handle washing them myself). continued with the books and accessories on the desk. sweeped, wiped, mopped, washed, scrubbed. and hey hey my room has officially been pimped - no cleaned haha.
hardwork payed off, and i'm now laying in my oh so comfy bed, snuggling in my thick fur tiger blanket accompanied with maccaroni and warm tea :)
don't you just love it when everything around you is clean, tidy and smells good ? :)
yeah love it don't ya. it's becomes more comfy and it def feels heaps better.
i don't get why people like to see their house or room all messed up and not even bother to clean it up. and some don't even think about trying to.
i'm not saying that i'm a perfecto or anything but well at least have a little self-consciousness about it. it doesn't hurt to spend maybe yeah like once a week to clean up. it makes you feel good actually :)

hmm i really have so many things to share, but idk, just can't be bothered to type. hmm maybe later in another post entry.

enjoy your nice cup of warm drinks & nighty night peopless ! ;)

random thoughts

2009-09-22T08:57:00.001-07:00

i love it when the whole family sits together and we'd just put our feet on the table, munch on food and talk about a million things, laughing our heads off.

my sympathy and salutation to a woman dealing with so many challenges in her life atm. her son, her husband, her problems.

why is it freaking hot, is hell's fire leaking ?

my dad has a GREAT desire for food, and it's gone down to the children :)

i think gobin (random cat from idk where living in my house atm) is gay. he is not interested in females, food and life. he sleeps 19 hours a day and only drinks water and leftover food - thats if he feels like eating.

don't think kids with serious illness or disease are hopeless. they have bigger spirits than those who are normal and healthy.

swearing doesn't make you look cool.

why can't people type in normal fonts and words without having to make the reader suffer.

when you think you've done the best, theres always someone who has done better.

all she does is update her status every few minutes going on about her boyfriend(s) thinking that the world is just about that.

i'm only half excited about getting back to uni this monday.

if i'd have to pay a certain amount of money every single time i complain. how much would i end up paying ?

i want those godamn freakin awsome all star sneakers.

i don't like that filthy place, look somewhere else.

those are the rich and famous, they're the nerds and geeks, them there - who are they? the reality in indo schoolife -_-

even at the angriest point, my dad has NEVER EVER hit, slapped, pinched or whatever kind of punishment to us.

i need a new phone but i want to spend my money on somethin else.

why do i have such a bad memory?

damn i miss you

2009-09-20T10:14:00.001-07:00

00:10
NOW PLAYING:
Taylor Swift-Breathe

dear you,
havn't seen you in ages and truth is i miss you, and idk why?

weird though, remembering the times we spent. the awkward situations and so the memorable ones :) eventhough till now i still don't know how i feel for you. but obviously you changed my way of seeing other things differently. you definitely marked your name on mine and earned a place there.
maybe we still talk to each other in a different dimension but it's way different than reality. late night talk, complaints, heart spills, stupid joking around, the way you don't care about things. gee, loooong time -_-

FACT: i wanted to see you but plans sometimes don't go the way you want them to.

damn, i miss you.

having the greatest friends on earth is a blessing, eid mubarak yoooo !

2009-09-20T09:35:00.001-07:00

i'm gonna make this short so mmmkay ehem .
on 180909 my bestest friends on earth of mine had a catch up and buka puasa bareng . we met up at puri indah mall and damn i was sooo happy to see everyone after a such a long time after dealing with uni and everything.
rayi, uppe, donna, irin, amel, sarah, selfi,bogel, windi, farley, kujoy and ismet.
we also made a little surprise for amelioraaaa tooo cos it was exactly the same date as her birthday :)

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY AMELIA 'amelioraaaa' DALIANTI XOX

after all the eating, laughing, memory laning, chit chatting and taking photos, we decided to photo studio. we laughed all the way at almost everything haha, everything just seemed to be so funny, happy and cheerful :)
then amel offered a lil firework gathering on her rooftop. we got the fireworks and headed to amel's crib. spent the night with fireworks, late night snacking and late night chat. beautiful night it was !
at 11ish nyimas, ines, sasa, uud, ai and ghazi arrived with a surprise baguette with 18 candles for the birthday girl.
what a wonderful birthday for ameliora :)
me, uppe, rayi sleptover and called it a day - a wonderful wonderful day !
i miss you guys all already .

oh and lebaran today :)
wasn't a really fine lebaran this year. no grandparents anymore , mamas sick. then me with the crying last night, waking up late with baggy eyebags, almost missed the prayer -_-
but come on, who doesnt love lebaran. all the food, the get together, the joy and so on.
EID MUBARAK EVERYONE. MAY ALLAH FORGIVE ALL OUR SINS AND BECOME BETTER BEINGS , AMIN ! :)
MINAL AIDIN WAL FAIDZIN , MOHON MAAF LAHIR DAN BATINNNN :)

i'm home, should i blame the food or the lecturer ?

2009-09-15T05:50:00.001-07:00

i'm baaaaaaack !!
yes, back to home sweet home, back to jakarta, back to television :) (i havn't watched tv for a month lol)
after some tough decisions wether i should jig 2 lessons at uni to arrive earlier in jakarta or not, i did hehe. my holidays were supposed to start on the 18th but man i couldn't wait any longer than the 12th to get my ass back to jakarta.
and the story goes..

FRIDAY
i had the usual grammar and paragraph writing class. all the lecturers had already let us go on holiday except for this grammar teacher, so annoying and not understanding -_- so i thought that i'd have to attend in class, great rrr!
the same night, the english department 09 held a buka puasa bersama with the other english department students from '06 '07 and '08. my ospek group performed jason mraz and colbie's lucky - with me playing the guitar. the show was entertaining and we got to know others aswell. at the end everyone made a long line and we shook hands, forgiving each other cos a few more days to go till lebaran. the crew had a final evaluation and that was where i felt the family feeling :) i just love these people !

SATURDAY
i woke up with the worst stomache ache ever. i was thinking it was caused by the sambel or es buah last night but i dunno. all i know, it made me go back and forth to the toilet. a few hours after that my feet started to freeze and my body started to sweat heavily. i caught a fever and i was soooo weak due to the dhiarrea. i texted my mum and she said i should go home sunday. hard to say yes immediately cos i still had 2 lessons on monday and wednesday (thanks to that grammar teacher -.-). but after thinking it over, i called my mum and said "i'm coming home tomorrooow! :)"
i packed my things and slept the rest of the day to recharge my strength.

SUNDAY
caught a bus from cileunyi, paid 26 rupiah for the tickets (cheeeaap !) and sat for three hours hoping to arrive asap. got to the last stop, lebak bulus, and there they were! my mum and aunty :) i ran to them like in those indian movies and hugged them soooo tight. man it felt so good to see them again, like after a year-like month in bandung.
got home and faaaarrr! my lil bro is whiter and taller haha :) man i missed him heaps!
i salam-ed the whole fam and neighbours, and wow what a damn good day at home :)

buuuutttt...

MONDAY
the dhiarrea to start again. this time even worse. after 6 times going back and forth i couldn't stand it anymore. i felt dizzy, weak, no energy. my vision started to blur and i felt like vomiting - which i did.
like to be honest, i thought i was gonna pass out, fortunately my uncle helped me up and gave me a glass of warm water.
i went to the medical clinic and they gave me medicine to take three times a day.
my mum rubbed me with cajuput oil and i slept the whole day.
wew, what a start of returning home haha
and what an essay of a story haha.

theres no better place than home, no better thing than mama's cooking and no better people than your family & friends :)

loving the hot weather too, since bandung is freakin cold, i miss sweating hehe :)

it's about your days, brain, friends and stomache

2009-09-06T02:27:00.001-07:00

first whole active week of uni and poof it's going to start all over tomorrow.
a few things i caught on the way were that the english teachers were more flexible about our clothing. not like the bahasa and citizenship teacher, where we have to wear a collared shirt and shoes to class. then there was this one teacher that was kinda freaky. he kinda washed our brains for a few seconds because of his philosophy about religion and life like, "the daily practice of dalil syafii' in america can be used and why can't it be used in indo bla bla bla" then the "there is no justice in this world blablabla... even your own god can be sold and bought blabla.." aaand etc whereas in one way he was right but wrong at the same time but it was all very convincing.
apart from that, classes were getting much friendlier and comfortable too. the english department 09 is going to hold a first buka bersama and this event is making us closer to each other and i'm getting to know everyone else from my major. i'm taking part in the consumtion division but the publishing division asked me to help out on making the posters and pamflets, and i'm happy i didn't dissapoint them with the design.

yesterday was the first meeting for esu debating club. i decided to join this to improve my english, learn how to debate well, compete and meet new friends. oh and travel the world haha *wishing* eventhough all the members didn't attend yesterday but it was heaps fun. we had to do a 3 minute speech about anything - and i ended up with the typical, introducing myself. then we had this game called mafia. it was to see our ability in persuaing and defending ourselves in a situation. the day ended with a short interview.
the new friends i made were really friendly and nice people. there was arvin from law faculty, yosie from communication, ridho from economy faculty, sabrina and mufti from the medical faculty, azwar accounting, ka dilla, ka rendi and lots more. didn't regret joining the esu debate club at all :)

oh what an evening. i've been cleaning up all day and i'm hungry but theres no food and cos im not fasting today the hunger is severe lol.
gotta take a shower now, look for something to fill my tummy and get going with my homework.

laters,

uni orientation - fin

2009-08-30T06:57:00.001-07:00

fiuh! the three days of orientation has ended .
these past days i've had such a bad sleeping pattern. each night sleeping for only like 2-3 hours having to do the work that the senior mentor gave us. then having to wake up at 4 , heading off to the campus and returning at 5. oh how exhausting (but i payed it off by sleeping a whole day today, yeaaaah)
not to forget, all the workshops we had to listen to - some were good and others were dull and sleepy. we were on our butts for approximately 8 hours each day -.- can you believe how sore my but was then.

oh and the senior mentors.
the angels and the devils as i call them.
the angels (pk) were there ones that helped us out on everything starting from us entering the gate, the work, the group activites and heaps more. my senior mentor was lin-lin and she was veerrrry nice and friendly :)
then the devils (tim disiplin). and why the devils? because they're the seniors who make things harder on you and they're meaaaan. like shouting, checking the things your supposed to bring - and if you don't then theres a consequence for that.
what i don't like about them are their faces and their dirty looks at you , rrr it makes you wanna punch em right in the face.

the whole orientation thing was fun! and it made me want to start it all over again :)
new friends, new campus, new class, new life :)
the last day was the best part. they read out our love and hate letters that we each had to write to a senior mentor as homework. and there was this girl that surprisingly wrote an 8 paged letter to kang izul- the head senior mentor. and she confessed that she wrote it that long because she was half conscious. wtf? half? what've happened if she was full conscious? maybe 20 pages haha :) but thank god they didn't read mine. then to close the show there was this percussion performance which was freakin awsome!

at the end of orientation all the devils let off their masks and we were all shaking hands, laughing and they were all apologizing about the scenario they put on haha they were all angels in the end :)

I LOVE UNPAD FACULTY OF LETTERS ! <3

wow, goodbye orientation and hellooo class.
i'm in class A and first period tomorrow is bahasa indonesia pfftt -.-
am i supposed to be excited that uni officialy starts tomorrow, or not ?
i'll let tomorrow answer that :)

better late than wait

2009-08-25T16:55:00.001-07:00

usually i don't mind waiting but omg this orientation thing is taking ages. they told us to arrive at 6 but it's now two hours since.
i'm even blogging on the spot since i don't know what else i can do -.- other than talk to the people beside me.
oh and this is the second day of orientation. and waiting was the same story yesterday.
daily, i prefer waiting rather than being late. but waiting this long? better late than wait i guess.

aaand, i am still waiting -.- until god knows when?

loving the uni life

2009-08-22T09:18:00.001-07:00

now playing: jason mraz-make it mine

not the right song for this time of the night. it should be "go sleep everyone, why aren't you asleep at a time like this unless the dreamer is the real you.. "

it's only 10:26pm but it feels like jakarta at 3am, gosh so quiet and cooold. you can actually clearly hear the cicadas rubbing their hind legs. but it's kinda freaky to listen to that until falling asleep - great! now theres a cat that can't stop meowing rrrr. thank god for music :) best company in any situation

now playing: vierra-perih
(god i love this song!)

now what did i do on a saturday morning till night?
i got up at 2:30ish to have sahur and pray subuh at 5ish and went to sleep. woke up so damn early where my eyes were still half shut, half open, half whateverr -.- headed off to citra's at 8 and dropped by kopma otw, to get my unpad shirt.
theee destination: gedebage.
hmm the deal was we were leaving at 9 but blame those freakin effing amazing beautiful voices courtesy youtube (we couldn't take our eyes and ears off gamalie and audrey, jd and edo), we left at 12. haha call that on time huh.

gedebage.
d'ya know what it is?
it's this fishmarket where they sell chicken and vegetables. naah naaah kidding haha :) it's this market in bandung where they sell loads of vintage clothing, casual, formal, leather jackets, jeans.. etc but one exception. it's like factory/store leftovers. buuutt, with very verryy verrryy cheap prices. man, you need skills to bargain and look for the goodies. you might just bump into topshop, polo, country road and heaps more big brands.
i only spent like 100.000 rupiah for 7 outfits. the best bargain was a blue-two pocket-long sleeve for only 5000 rupiah! can you believe that? only 5000! (thats like buying a small bottle of coke man)
haha just the right place for people who are looking for unique tops with the craziest cheapest prices ever. we - danti, citra and i were too tired to continue anymore and anyways danti had to go back to jakarta too so we signed out, drifted away on the green angkot safely home :)

oh and today me and my roomates went to go look for food to break our fast. i chose sunda food today and it was bellisimmoooo :) i am starting to really enjoy the uni life with all these new faces, languages and accents :)

ok now it's 11 and i need es el double eee pee cos i gotta be awake at 3 for another day of sahur.

laters,

hey hey it's ramadhan

2009-08-21T14:55:00.001-07:00

wow it's ramadhan already and i'm up just finishing off my noodles for sahur.
hey hey welcome to the fasting month :) mohon maaf lahir batin everyone. may this be the month where we become a better being and increase our ibadah and learn the true essence of ramadhan .

this year is a lil different compared to other years of ramadhan for me. actually not a lil different - but a HUGE different. i'm fasting alooone people! tsk tsk poor me :( i was hoping at least to spend the first 3 days at home sweet home, but i got uni orientation on the 25th so my mama insisted that i should just stay in bandung rather than going back and forth jakarta-bandung. geee, the first ramadhan ever without my family. to be honest i feel sorry for myself and obviously sad! cooking my own food for sahur, eating alone, cos it's too cold to go knock on my friends' doors and eat together, just cbf. brrr freezing assss atm. and breaking my fast without mama's cooking and papa and of course my lil brat (eventhough they call me once every 3-4 hours just to check up how i'm doing, still..)
:( but well, as my parents said, welcome to your new independent life. you chose this path, now this is the first step and you gotta be ready to face the many obstacles coming ahead *sigh* but yes, i gotta face it no matter what.
now, just 3 words.

i miss home.

poof! back to the other big deal.
these past days have been filled with pre-orientation and everything else that has to do with starting off uni. the english departement held a welcoming event called pre-gates on the 20th. it was a good event i must say. met loads of new friends from other parts of indonesia. some quiet, unique, funny, some shy shy cat haha others very loud haha! the whole thing was entertaining, memorable and fun - except for the extremely long intermezzo. the what-you-call-here seniors were godamn extremeley nice people too :)
and it went almost the same today, another gathering but this was the whole faculty of arts/letters. we were divide into groups and given tasks to do for orientation day.
exhausted!

it's been 3 days since i started living alone and i'm starting to getting used to it. but i havn't actually adapted with the cold weather. *flashback* it feels like australia in winter where i used to wear like 6-7 layers of clothes, double socks, beanie and a scarf haha
i'm kinda proud of myself in a way. like taking my own responsibility now. doing everything under my own awareness, aaand being able to wake up in the morning (this is such a great improvement haha)

wait, i'll brb, i need the freezer (read: toilet)

ok, i'm back!
and it's freezing! everything about the toilet is freezing. the door handle, the water, the tiles, the toilet seat, absolutely the whole thing!

meh 4.30am? whaaat? so quick! adzan subuh now. gotta pray and get back to warmthness (read: bed, three pillows and tiger blanket)

headin to citra's at 9 with danti, going to gedebage to look for some goodies :) (hope i wake up on time)

hello saturday & good morning world!
i'm off to pray and i'm off to bed :)

when we die

2009-08-17T22:01:00.001-07:00

eleven o'clock and the weather is burning - just got home from karet bem bem cemetery or graveyard whatever you call it. my mum, aunty and i went to visit my grandpa and grandma's grave (they were burried in the same place) to send prayers before the start of ramadhan, the fasting month. and also cos i'm heading off to bandung tomorrow so maybe it'll be a long time till i can visit their grave again :(

walking through the damp soil on thousands of hectares of land with dead people inside it to me was kinda freaky, even at this time of day. it gave me goosebumps eventhough there was actually nothing to be scared of.

we sat by the grave and prayed for my grandparents. all sorts of thoughts were going in my head. you know like, what are they doing right now? what do they look like? are they ok? what is it like down there? just all sorts of things started to question me. how long are they gonna be in there? aaand well yeah who's next?

only allah knows.

when we die .. well obviously we die! haha stupid :s
then, what do we bring with us when we die? absolutely NOTHING! just our dead body bare naked and pieces of kafan to cover us. no jewelry, no money, no food, no anything.. nothing!
we can see, michael jackson didn't bring his records with him, lady diana didn't take her crown with her, yasser arafat didn't wear his headscarf to the grave. even the greatest didn't bring anything with them.
unbelievable, but true.
and now what are we doing in this world, fellas? sins or deeds? good or evil? take or give? truth or lies? right or wrong?
ask yourself.
honestly, i still can't answer myself.
depends on what you think about life and death.
at least today i know that i gotta catch up on keeping up with my daily prayers and adding a longer list of good deeds. just start with the small things you can do to make a better change, cos you never know when dee eee aay tee aych comes by.

i miss you blog

2009-08-16T10:03:00.001-07:00

oh how i've missed blogging so much :) i've been desperate to post an entry just about anything but i havn't had the time to.
and why havn't i had time? hmm there's a trillion zillion reasons which i dunno where to start from and i don't think i'll be able to explain all either?
but let's start off with hello university! haha
ehem, sooo, these past weeks i've been busy dealing with uni. been going back and forth jakarta-bandung, which is umm a 2 hour drive if you take the freeway. so i registered on the 18th and moved all my stuff into my room and got everything cleaned up that day aswell. the room started to look ok but still needed a few touchups just to make it look a lil nicer :)
padjadjaran university.. huge i tell ya! there i met some new friends while waiting in line. very friendly and nice too! :) also had an incident that day, i lost my original school certificates which were bundled up in a folder. i freaked out so bad and tears were almost falling (felt like a dramaqueen at that time haha). i had to search the whole campus and go back after my footsteps to look for it. thank god a nice-smart-kind-hearted-good-looking friendly senior helped out to look for it with me and after like an hour we found it haha :) i can't imagine how my life was gonna be if i never found that folder, wow!

back to jakarta - home sweet home.
3 days to go till i'm really going to live alone, sigh - oh god my eyes are watering - man i'm scared, nervous, sad but also excited and happy at the same time - ok now there's butterflies in my stomache. hmm each day my lil bro starts doing his homework alone and to tell you the truth, i miss teaching him maths :'( oh my big baby boy i am going to fully miss you!
i can't believe i'm gonna spend my first day of fasting ALONE :( omg!

pfft..
buuuuttt good news is.. everyones been doing great at uni i see. uppe has found her knight prince - as she calls him haha - everyones just been getting along with the new world amazingly well. so happy for all you guys.

aaaand for me?
hmm..
we'll see how it goes ;)

00:08 just isn't the right time.

2009-08-07T10:16:00.001-07:00

i'm laying in bed right now and it's 00:08. just had a quick bath after finishing cleaning up and packing my books to take to bandung on wednesday. i know you might think i'm nuts doing this at night, but i can't sleep feeling dirty, dusty and messed up eventhough later on, my feet and my whole body don't feel too good cos of the cold water (which i'm kinda feeling right now). but if my dad knew about me taking late night baths, he'll kill me lol.

righty, today was another packing day. yesterday the clothes, aaaand today the books. i really didn't know which books i wanted to take with me- i don't read much though- but in the box, i put in some reading books, history schoolbooks, a few old magazines, qur'an, some islam articles, photo album, dictionaries, important-must-take-with-me books and uhm that was about it i think. packed in some of my CD's and MP3's in the box too. all fitted perfectly well :)
i don't really wanna stuff up my room with things i don't really need but the box was kinda big and everything mentioned went in, just hope it won't take up too much space. cos i still gotta leave space for the cooking and eating equipments rrr so much to bring! which i dunno will fit or not?

some advice for you people out there, DO NOT shower or bathe at this time of the day! it feels good at first but wait and see how your bones react -.- i am feeling it now! and i don't know how to describe it, but it feel like my legs are sore and hot and cold at the same time (sorry for the bad explanation)

before goodnight, just wanna say how much i can't wait till sunday and tuesday to catch up with the girls and everyone else *BIG BIG SMILE* :)

goodnight world!

finally found a place

2009-08-05T08:30:00.001-07:00

ok, so today i now officially have a place to stay for uni.
a nice room, all neat with tiles, bathroom inside the room, a cozy bed and a nice owner :)
the place was only 100m away from my faculty building and i'm happy with that because no need for unsafe public transportation anymore hehe.
and god i can't believe how hot bandung is now, fuih! and the traffic jams are even worse than jakarta, can't believe it :s
i'm gonna be moving in on the 12th, so i think i gotta make a move and start packing quick and buy all my needs before the day.
oh and i just found out that my cousin stayed in the same dorm as me, what a small world haha.
overall, i'm quite satisfied with the room :)
got back to jakarta in the evening, and god how my head is aching right now!
and hey, yesterday was the 4th of july, i forgot. USA's independence day and wow my 7th year here already, the clock just keeps ticking fast.

uni so soon (and i'm nervous) but, huaaa i miss everybody, wanna catch up with them all, but they're all over the place. some are already in depok, some in jogja, then bandung, the rest in different parts of jakarta. when are we gonna meet again? :'(

one step to independency

2009-08-04T05:22:00.000-07:00

everyone walks through different lanes to reach their destination, and this is mine.
i have a promise to keep to my parents and i guess it's not going to be easy. at first i wasn't allowed to take my uni in bandung because of the lifestyle that goes around there and how i'm not gonna be living with them, instead rent my own room so yeah i'll be living alone. but i know that anywhere else would be the same, it just depends on me and how i can control myself. and about living alone , that'll be my wake up call and be the start of my independency as an 18 year old.
my parents really trust me this time and all they can do is facilitate me with what i need and send me off with wise words and advice. i know these past times have been hard, but i'll do my best to make them proud. i'll really really try my best to keep my words (because i know at times i won't), but as long as i remeber their advice and how they're struggling to get me there, hopefully it'll all be just fine :) insyallah i'll be a person one day and mark a smile on my family's faces.
i've got more responsibility to handle now. living alone, cooking, washing, cleaning, studying all by myself (and with other new friends later on). gotta be able to control myself from using the credit card they gave me so that i'll be able to eat everyday hahha and that's going to be extremely hard!
well, eventually it's time for me to move ahead another step and hope that i'll reach the top in a matter of time :)
i love you papa, mama and tioooo <3

JAKARTA.BANDUNG

2009-08-01T05:41:00.001-07:00

first of all, ALHAMDULILLAH RABBAL ALAMIIIIINN !
why? because yesterday was the results for snmptn, and gratefully, i passed *BIG GRIN*
yesterday after maghrib, uppe called me to say that the results were already out cos dwi had already seen his but unfortunatley he didn't make it. i went crazy and my heart started to pound quicker than ever cos i was freakin scared and nervous to read mine. the results were supposed to be out at midnight but somehow it was out 5 hours earlier and thank god uppe and dwi texted me. sooo i rushed to see how i did. at first i forgot my exam number so i had to go look for that first and that was nervracking going through piles of paper which at that time my hands were ice ice cold and shaking. found it finally! ok, so there i was in front of the pc, typed in snmptn.ac.id (loading took ageeesss) entered my exam number and haha unbelievable! I PASSED, PEOPLE! I PASSED! my eyes were like woah! but wait wait, i didn't know which uni i passed through, cos there was only the code number on the screen and i didn't have a clue which code that was for. realising that i'd lost the guide book-cos i think i left it scattering somewhere (the one with all the code numbers in it) i called dwi and asked him to read the numbers of my uni choices. i was hoping to get the first choice-english departement of ui-instead i got the english departement of unpad. all these feelings started to mix together, happy, dissapointed, sad, glad, confused and speechless. thanked dwi for the help, called the girls and sent the news.
at first i was all ready to go to uin, but because i got unpad, things changed. at first, my deal with my parents were:
● if i get ui, i'll take it
● if i get unpad, i'll take uin
● if i don't get either of them, then uin it is!
scared at first but we talked things out and finally my mama allowed me to choose bandung (eventhough it was still hard for her to let me go). but, my papa had no problem with me going there cos he knew unpad was better than uin :)

but now that thats all over and i'm allowed to stay in bandung. BUT, the big deal now is leaving home, leaving jakarta :(
i'm happy now i know i'm gonna be living alone and everything, you know getting that feel of being indepent. but the more i keep thinking about it the harder it is to say that its all gonna be just fine. honestly, i'm not really good at doing things on my own, eventhough i know im 18 now but its a new thing for me to live without my parents and tio. i depend a lot on them. will i be able to get through 4 years of my life far away from them (well it does take only 3 hours to get there) but still, i dunno how i'll cope? ya allah, lead me to the best :)

to all my schoolmates,
CONGRATULATIONS FELLOW FRIENDS !
78 SENIOR HIGH-32ND GENERATION (2006-2009)
good job guys :) good luck for the future that awaits you, work hard to gain the best!
to those who havn't passed, dw it's not the end of anything. heads up, big smile and know that there's heaps of ways to reach your goal, whatever way, wherever you are :)
i'm just sooo proud to be a part of this great family :)
i love you full *

moody me

2009-07-30T13:40:00.001-07:00

03:27am
and, i am still up cos of the usual insomnia-which i think i've been suffering since the first day of the longest holidays ever. oh oh insomnia has been such a good friend-has NOT! accompanying me through the nights WHEREAS i'm supposed to be travelling around the world, dreaming away on my fluffy pillow.

(now playing: stevie hoang-the one)

hmm today was kinda gloomy. the fact that i've been such an itchbay as a daughter to my parents for no clear reasons. i've been ignoring them to what they got to say. been putting on frowns whenever they tell me to do this and that, and just acting with an annoying behaviour which even annoyed myself. i feel bad, i feel guilty and so sorry, and i deeply regret what i've done. idk why i've been acting like this but i'm just hoping that it won't continue tomorrow. i'm sorry but it's just me these couple of days. been moody and very tempremental all of a sudden.
i deeply apologize :'(

so then theres shocking news about a friend and another friend of mine. thought they were mature enough to deal with their matters alone and handle it well, but voila! just made it even worse, great job guys! rrrr -.- come on it's 2009, don't act like innocents and act like you don't know what's going on. face whats in front of you and don't pretend like it's all gonna be ok- cos it's not. grow up! (dw hopefully it's not you haha)

fuuiih, enough of the anger. i think insomnia has headed back to it's cage *yawning* and i think i'll have my earphones on and some easing songs tuned on till i get up again.
next 6 songs on shuffle
● brian mcknight- careless whisper
● mohombi- letting go
● mariah carey- melt away
● lionel richie- stuck on you
● RL(of next)- stranger in my bed
● kim yoo kyung- starlight tears

off to lalaland now, laters !