Life's lesson(s)

These past months have been full of ups and downs, smiles and frowns. And one thing I really learnt was the art of gain and loss. You know, when you gain something then you lose another or it's vice versa. You see, these previous periods have been surprisingly special yet at the same time extraordinary in a way.
Well, everyone has a past and there's always a story behind it and whatever happened with that chapter now has to go in the memory box, good or bad, positive or negative, love or dislike. Lock it up and let life go it's way and once in a while peek a little to remember and learn from those moments. To be honest yes it did hurt and I acted like everything was okay. To put a smile on my face and walk around was easy but deep down no one knew. And now I know what that kind of loss feels like. A loss of intimacy, friendship and of course, feelings - Thank God I dealt with it well. God answered a little prayer. Certain ones came along - either say it a coincidence or acciddent (though there are no acciddents in life) but things and situations finally lead to an enlightment, maybe for me, it was my Renaissance.

From that cycle I knew and realized.. Yes, loss was painful and it's a thing we never want it to happen but you gotta deal with the fact that you will and how you're gonna cope with it. Either a family member, friend, lover, pet, or anything. Eventually you'll know what you were fighting for and not regret anything about it but keep the memories as a life lesson to take with you through the days ahead.

No pain, no gain? Right? No? Yes? For me, aha yep. Pain led me to a state where I had time to think about things. Make better use of time, work harder in certain aspects, appreciate the work of maintaining and just let things flow. I gained many things and I thank God for every single little thing including a special enlightment in my present days, someone really special now. God, just full of surprises.

So gain and loss is like you and your wardrobe. You lose, donate, throw out a few clothes out though it's hard to chose which ones, either feel good about it or instead regret and sook about it. But then maybe someone will pop up and send you a present, maybe you'll plan to go on a shopping day with your friends or maybe you might just start some DIY's and upgrade a few old shirts - if you get the point. Gain and loss is a part of life, like it or not, it's how you deal with it that'll make you feel a thousand times better. And hopefully each gain, each loss gives a positive effect in our lives :)

Wouldn't this be nice :)

"A hug is a handshake from the heart. A hug is a great gift - one size fits all, and it's easy to exchange. If you're alone, I'll be your shadow. If you want to cry, I'll be your shoulder. If you want a hug, I'll be your pillow. If you need to be happy, I'll be your smile. But anytime you need a friend, I'll just be me..."

Half past three rubbish

As usual, can't sleep. Get back to sleep that is. This time due to the blackout that went on for hours. Fell asleep feeling not too well after a neverending meeting. My body hasn't been compromising with me lately, don't know why? Thank god for family, friends, music and a lil dose of "enlightment & encouragement" from anonymous.

I've been getting so much wake up calls these past periods. Most about uni & studies. And heaps about life & love. This semester is really packed and I'm still not sure about the credits I'm taking. Last semester I kinda said to myself to hold back and decrease orgs and getting involved in events, but it seems I can't keep my own words for that. Hope things just go with the flow and turn out okay.

My mind has been split into branches and I somehow can't focus on one spot. I really want & need a getaway, perhaps for a year or two. Somewhere different. New atmosphere, new experience.

Really miss a rub on the head from Mama when I'm not feeling okay. Miss their presence. A lot.

Carnival?

The only line I can't stop singing to "I will never know if you will never show..."

There's just something wrong

I don't know, is it only me or what but there's something really wrong with the laws and institutions in this country. Too many if i would start but lately on television it's been full of Ariel's case towards his pornography tape. I'm not a fan of him or his band to say all this but it's ironic if you think about it.

Many people have made their own judgement through personal point of views. I don't know why I even bother, but I have my own.

Our country's to busy dealing with cases that aren't necessary - to expose this much either eventhough his status as a singer. Okay, pornography? Destroying the generation? So? Isn't there loads more of it on the internet? By a click, kids can access whatever content from whatever site consisting whatever contents. Is this case the only problem? Is it that big of a threat compared to those 24/7 accessible sites? What happened to the other "film makers" including government ministers, actors and other usual daily people. Did they even end up in jail? Or did they even get to sit in that single chair in court? What if it wasn't a lead singer of a band that had his videos stolen. Would the world care? I could say, it's actually not fair.

There's thousands more things that the government and court can get going with. Why not take Nurdin Halid out of his seat. It's obvious enough that he's got a lot of problems that are affecting the development of our country especially through the aspect and development of sports here. Why not chase down Gayus Tambunan and find out the price of the wig he's wearing to those different cities he's on "vacation" to, with whose money he's using. Try figuring out those rats that are destroying our country, eating off the money we pay to the government. Where do the stacks of Rupiahs and Dollars end up?

It's ironic. But too bad, the government has too much concern on things like this and all I can do is sit here and criticize.

Hey hooo-li-days

A month off from uni has actually been really awesome! Enjoying things a lot spending it with the ones I love full time. It's really been about catching up. Quality time with the best company - family, close friends, high school besties at comfy places, talking about life till late hours almost every night, laughing about almost everything. When I'm not out I'll be baby sitting the lil kiddos and teaching them this and that :)

I Learnt a lot of things, experienced new stuff. I even got to meet Vrischa - like after 10 years we havn't met! It was really good seeing her again :)

Despite the wonderful holidays, I really wanna get back to Jatinangor. I miss my friends there a lot. I miss my dorm. I actually miss campus and class. And I miss one other thing as well. Can't wait to get back to uni asap but the other half of my head wants a longer holiday. Another week left. I dunno wether I want it to end or not. Even if there is a reason why I do.

We should close our eyes and ask ourselves

"Even if you feel like you’re not getting anywhere,
Always keep your head up high!
It’s a genesis, we’re in a genesis..."

You should've closed your eyes to what you thought you were seeing. Running on the spot with burden on these shoulders. Trying to act okay thought it doesn't really help neither of us.

Things happen for a reason

It's cliche but I know it's true. Sometimes I wonder about a lot of things when I'm unable to get myself to sleep, which I blame the internet connection at most times and late night convos. You know, sometimes after a hectic day you end up gazing through could'ves and would'ves which expand through your head and make you start questioning heaps of things. Why this, why that bla bla bla... But as I learn, things really do happen for certain reasons. Theres always the first line that starts the sketch. Maybe you wonder "Why did I have to meet this person?" and times when you'd say "Why is this happening to me?" or "Why am I here?" or "Can't time tick slower/faster!" and all those big question marks and exclamations. It depends on how we define and face things in different situations. You can't get everything you want but if it is yours to be, then it'll eventually come to you in it's own way, yours to have.
At this point, I'm defining my own situation. Thinking things over and working through why the heck this is happening. Maybe what's happening now is the result of my weakness towards saying "no". Maybe the "nggak enak" feeling that hits me all the time, always gets me ending up confused and tangled in my own tied up threads. Things don't happen just by a finger click and voila! There's a reason why I'm going over this, again and again. And for this case, it's me. My unability. Perhaps incapability of doing so. And I hate it cos I still have a hard time fighting it. Turns out, it acts as a boomerang towards you, towards me...

Books that caught my eye

Strolling down some aisles, I came across a few interesting books to put on my list of got-to-gets/got-to-read:

●The Zahir - Paulo Coelho
●Dewey - The small town library cat who touched the world
●The Greatest Philosophers
●Where Did noah Park the Ark
●The Travel Book - A journey through every country in the world
●In our time - Hywell Williams

Dreaming away

Anyone know anybody who can define dreams? I've been having the same dream of the same person for the last three days. This hasn't happened once. A while ago, it was the same person but four days straight also. Weird enough for me. Now all that's left of it is curiosity. Why? One word. Unexpectable.

He keeps popping in my not-so-real world as the nicest guy on earth with the most generous heart. Though we actually do know each other in real life, hellos when we pass, few times talked, one or two things happened, seen in the virtual world, but it gets way different in those dreams. It's ain't a big deal really, but what's with the continuity and dreamline? Ergh, god knows. What I know, it's got me smiling everytime I get up :|

A superimposed letter to God

Dear God,
Wassup? I've been wanting to write to you for a long time and now here I am without a paper and a pen - just my heart, head and the keyboard. I've got so much things to say, so many pleads to ask for and heaps of questions why. I know I'm supposed to meet you five times everyday of my life. But all I can say is sorry, at most times I still don't. I realize that what I get is based on what you give but I still skip those days without any mumbles of thanking you.

To be honest, I'm not the kind who fulfills the everyday routines though I do try my best to. Mum and Dad had always taught me things about you eversince the first use of my five senses. I grew with you guiding me eventhough I forgot about you at a lot of times and points in life. Usually when I'm at the lowest point in life, I'd come running to you in tears. But I feel ashame that whenever things are going all okay, I tend to forget - even sometimes pretend you're not there. If we were to be described as the friend to friend type, then surely... I am the worst friend you could ever have. But in this case, I'm not a perfect being. I've got more designs and angel scribbles on my left rather than my right.
Surely you'd know there are many things that if I could ask for, I would. But I live in reality - not that place where you end up when you fall asleep and don't want to wake up because it's just too good to realize it's not true. My simplest plead would be for you to love, care, guide, protect the people among me who I love the most and bless them a healthy, wealthy and wise life. Without mentioning, you would know who I mean. Family, friends, relatives, the whole lot. Make them happy in any way you can. At least that's what I'd want for them, dear God.

Ehm. Question. Wait. I have stacks of them. Why? What if? How? Would you? Could you? And thousands more along with the fill in the blanks. Sometimes I even go way over the limit and question your presence because sometimes my common sense doesn't make sense at all. I know it's wrong and again all I might be able to express is an apology. Again. Sigh.
Not enough thanks in the world to thank you. You've made it clear. I'm working on things now. Hopefully.
God, thanks for making things happen. I'll learn from it eventually.

Love these people!

No words can express how grateful I am to have you guys.
Dhea Amanda Rustam, Christiana Arizon, Kharisma Tri Andini, Tentry Yudvi Dian Utami, Aditya Sasmita, Yan Wahyudi :) Best laughter and company! Good times and bad. Thank you waaaay too much <3