moody me

03:27am
and, i am still up cos of the usual insomnia-which i think i've been suffering since the first day of the longest holidays ever. oh oh insomnia has been such a good friend-has NOT! accompanying me through the nights WHEREAS i'm supposed to be travelling around the world, dreaming away on my fluffy pillow.

(now playing: stevie hoang-the one)

hmm today was kinda gloomy. the fact that i've been such an itchbay as a daughter to my parents for no clear reasons. i've been ignoring them to what they got to say. been putting on frowns whenever they tell me to do this and that, and just acting with an annoying behaviour which even annoyed myself. i feel bad, i feel guilty and so sorry, and i deeply regret what i've done. idk why i've been acting like this but i'm just hoping that it won't continue tomorrow. i'm sorry but it's just me these couple of days. been moody and very tempremental all of a sudden.
i deeply apologize :'(

so then theres shocking news about a friend and another friend of mine. thought they were mature enough to deal with their matters alone and handle it well, but voila! just made it even worse, great job guys! rrrr -.- come on it's 2009, don't act like innocents and act like you don't know what's going on. face whats in front of you and don't pretend like it's all gonna be ok- cos it's not. grow up! (dw hopefully it's not you haha)

fuuiih, enough of the anger. i think insomnia has headed back to it's cage *yawning* and i think i'll have my earphones on and some easing songs tuned on till i get up again.
next 6 songs on shuffle
● brian mcknight- careless whisper
● mohombi- letting go
● mariah carey- melt away
● lionel richie- stuck on you
● RL(of next)- stranger in my bed
● kim yoo kyung- starlight tears


off to lalaland now, laters !

game of life :)

wow what a day today! :)
woke up at 8 today (amazing progress haha) but slept in for another half hour cos i was so sleepy due to staying up till 4am last night cos of the usual insomnia. stayed up watching dvds and big momma's house on tv (again) and facebooking with rayi, bogel, dwi and msn-ing the rest of the night. and i am dead sleepy now! -.-
at 11 went to school and met up with uppe to get the reports signed. school wasn't crowded as it usually was maybe cos everyone has already moved out to prepare things for uni. oh so quick :s
spent 3 hours at school having a long conversation with uppe updating on the latest events and gossip hehe. left school at 2 to go meet up with amel, rayi and ghazi for some heart to heart spillouts at strawberry cafe-nice place to chill out and it's freakin packed with games. i'm happy to know that amel was able to smile eventhough it was really hard to accept the facts going on. i wouldn't know how i'd cope if i were her and if i were the one walking in her shoes. maybe i didn't do anything to really help and ease the pain, but i'm always here to listen and pay attention. i might not have given the best advice or response but trust me i cared. hope today made you feel better mel, your a strong woman :) hope today made you feel a lil better!
hm soo we ordered some drinks and chose a game to play. the first game we picked was kinda lame (a card game adding the amounts of fruits) but it was fun how we all had powder covering our faces haha. then we chose uno splash and it was funny how we were all ready with our cards and all of a sudden rayi was like ''how do you play this?" haha her face expression was hillarious :D we got through a few rounds and started to get bored and again switched to game of life.
none of us really understood how to play the boardgame though amel and ghazi were used to playing the pc version. we were reading the instruction leaflet the whole game haha.
game of life really cracked us up, the game was about career and education, kinda like monopoly but this was like our miniature future life.
results were:
● amel chose to take the career life, got married, had 2 twins and a baby girl, earned a nice house too.
● ghazi chose the college career lane, single, lived with his dog haha but was a big donater for social funds and his novel became a best seller, worked as a vetenarian.
● rayi chose the college career lane too, but she quit the game on the way haha
● i chose career, ended up getting married first (unbelievable haha)with 2 baby boys and worked as a policewoman, wtf? haha
it'll be surprising if one day, any of these results came true :D i think we'll all laugh crying haha.
&& omfg the double scoop chocolate ice cream surabi was belissimo lezato huahaha, a must to taste on the menu! played chairstacks after that which caused a big noise haha very entertaining piling up chairs and trying not to make them fall :) took a few photos and headed back home at 6ish.






got home, prayed and took a bath and hey hey tio's bday :) we were intending to go out and eat but everyone was too tired to go. tio just got home from badminton practice, mama and papa just finished helping out a neighbour who was moving houses, and me who just got home with a sore leg. so my mama suggested for delivery instead. as tio's request tonight, pizza it was! 3 large and hehe a medium specially dedicated just for me. didn't have cake though cos noone here really likes it so it would only just be a waste. papa said a few words about turning 13 which was supposed to be serious but it turned out to make everyone laugh haha. aww my lil brat officially a teenager now :) again, happy birthday kwetio keribo (my special nickname for him) hope you become more independent in doing your homework yeah ;) haha
always love ya bro!

man i need sleep now ! GOODNIGHT WORLD.

me and blablabla

well oh well, these past 3 days have been really getting me on my nerves. it just felt like everything was so wrong and not in place- i don't even know what i mean by 'not in place' but it felt like things were not how it was supposed to be and everything just didn't go according to plan which really sucked. but stuff that now, i'm feeling the happy spirit again seeing that tomorrow is tio's birthday YAY! :) geee i can't believe he's turning 13 already, no lil kid anymore i guess though he still acts like one :) can't believe that lil brat is growing so fast and he's almost as tall as me now-fact, i'm short so haha
and hey a few more days makes it the 7th year of us living in indonesia since our departure from aussieland. didn't realize time ticked that fast lol. it feels like 2002 was just yesterday-well not really yesterday but yerh
hmm you know, talking about the past brings out so much memories. both the best and the worst.
is it just me or what but i dunno, talking about the past makes me feel like everyone's moved on while i'm still here walking on the spot. feeling that life for me hasn't changed much. it sounds pathetic but thats whats been going through my head lately and continuously. everyone's a step ahead in with their own business while i'm here still doing the same old shit. relationships? i'm gaining nothing from noone lately cos i can't freakin forget about that loser -.- and so much more that's been bothering my mind. it's not a good feeling i tell ya, all your thoughts seem to scramble and think of things you don't want to. god, enough of the complaining!

BOYS BEFORE FLOWERS. this supercool korean drama series and i am crazy over it. i still can't believe i am haha-the fact that i don't like watching asian drama series and those annoying uneducational indo soap operas and the fact that i didn't want to watch it in the first place. but this one you gotta watch! it's got a good storyline and you pick up new lessons on the way. apart from the storyline, omfg the actors are freakin handsome, kim bum, lee min ho and kim joon. the other guy not included haha (the ones who've watched understand what i mean). eventhough it seems kinda eww for a guy to wear tights, all those weird clothing and how metrosexual they are && the way they sit is eww too haha but they are godamn hot! i've watched this like a hundred times already (lebay mode on) still gonna watch it again tonight on tv haha so i'm outta here now ;)

few of the best

i've been listening to a lot of music lately cos of so much spare time.
these are some fine singers and they have the maddest songs that i know of :)
i'm so into their songs. you can check em out on BACKY AND LOSERBOI

LEE CARR
JOHNTA AUSTIN
STEVIE HOANG
BOBBY TINSLEY

* i can't wait for boys before flowers eps 16 :) i didn't get to watch it cos the dvd disc was jammed right on that episode :( but yay yay it's on tonight !

the shit day continues

after the previous events on today's shit day, it kept continuing. before maghrib i was left at home ALONE, cos everyone went out to go buy my mum's medicine near sarinah. they got home around 7 and, hey hey hey! they bought me sweet martabak hehe and that cheered me up a bit cos i really needed something sweet to eat :) but my lil bro just had to ruin my happiness cos i was forced to help him with his usual math homework -.- it took like 2 hours just to finish 5 questions cos he wanted it done EXACTLY like the teacher's example and that was hell long (my way was only 2 lines if he actually would see it both turned out with the same results) rrr he was so annoying i tell you! -.-'
but oh thank god, tonight didn't finish with a shit ending.
bought some strawberry juice and fries. made some ice tea for an extra. and now i'm laying back with lee carr and RL in my ears and an anti acne face mask on. and it feels so cool and easing :) plus facebook and blog in the palm of my hands.
not a bad way to end a shit day ;)

* i've made twitter but i forgot my password haha but anyways i don't even know how to use it :s

what a shit day

omg today was the shittest day. i woke up at 11 and was supposed to go to my aunty's at depok. so i took a bath and got ready. a few minutes after that my mama changed her mind and insisted to stay at home cos she didn't feel like going and said we'll go maybe next week, god i was so pissed, i was ready mama! why didn't you tell me before that rrr.
then i turned on my phone to see if it was working cos last night it couldn't function properly cos of the stupid viruses that i havn't deleted. and congratulations to me, it's officially wrecked now -.-
i lost all my pics and mp3s in my memory card too.
and now i'm using my brother's phone but he kept snatching it off me while i was still online and he did that like 15 times today rrrr (eventhough i know it's his anyways but i said i'm only borrowing it for the internet, NOTHING ELSE and that was like a thousand times and i'm not using his credits anyways, god!). i went on msn and he wasn't on, then jezz was so intimidating i couldn't stand it so i decided to sign off. then i spent 3 hours watching lame tv shows which made me feel more of a shit day. then my mum told me to clean up the room. i sat there grumbling words to myself cos i was in such a bad mood. she kept calling me but i couldn't be bothered so i went outside.
at around 3, my dad came home, and as he promised we were gonna go play football yesterday but it was raining so i asked him if we could go today and he said ok. soo i changed into footy shorts and a loose shirt. i went to go call my lil bro who was playing with his friends and great! he didn't wanna go. pissed off even more -.-
i didn't know why but i really really wanted to go so i said we'll go without tio, but then i forgot that today senayan was freakin full of people cos of IIMS, the STAN test and there was a competition going on at the place where we usually play. i sat there like a dumbass thinking for another place to go to but then i found my dad asleep snoring in bed.
man was i freakin pissed (even more). therefore no football today (again). so i decided to go out and refresh myself but when i looked in my wallet, i only had 25 left. so all day i was stuck at home with all this shit going on :s and i hope it won't continue till tonight.

music, what has it done for you ?

MUSIC.
a topic you'll never get bored of..

i've been listening to music maybe almost ALL my entire life.
my mama said, as a baby i grew up listening to dangdut cos my dad loved it so much-he's a big fan of it and we'd hear it like everyday either on tv or radio and my dad would just turn it up loud so i can hear it and dance to it. then, in my early two's and three's i started listening to those children songs with the happy tunes and stuff like that. in kindergarten we'd listen and sing-a-long to the wiggles, sesame street, barney's anthem haha, twinkle twinkle little star, eyes and ears and mouth and nose, insy winsy spider and everything that you'd find in the nursery rhyme books and cassetes.
but the first real singers that really filled my childhood list of music were like celine dion (her voice is wow), michael jackson (who didn't?), mariah carey (all time fav), britney spears & christina aguilera (their whole albums), spice girls (i was a big fan of sporty spice haha), backstreet boys, n*sync and all those other oldschool boybands and heaps more.
but in year 3-4ish i started listening to rnb, slowjams, rap and hiphop--blackmusic as some call it. some of the firsts were kci&jojo, nelly, envogue, destiny's child, allure, keith sweat, puff daddy, tupac, bone thugs n harmony, bow wow, ja rule and many more.

might seem too much but music has been a great impact in my life, its been a great influence and has played a big role in many ways. i love music as much as i like sleeping, and sleeping is the best haha :D

music can be your friend at whatever time of the day in any situation. it can be the reflection of what you feel, the answer to the problems your facing, your wake up call. it can be about what your going through atm, your lovelife, prayers, imagination, hopes and expectations, just almost EVV-REEE-THINNG. well i might not come from a family of musicians or singers but i've got the music running through me.
try to appreciate music whatever way you can, whatever genre it is. flashback to the old days and see how far music has affected you. cos at least i know i'm a step ahead thanks to music :)


&& happy ①⑧th birthday to irin yasmine, my pigger, my bestyyy :)
love you muah muah ＜3

rain rain go away

aargh its raining heavy here! i'm supposed to go to senayan another hour so to go for some football with tio and my dad but i see i won't be going today if it keeps raining like this :(
instead i'm still at home eating a box of martabak which tio bought me (how nice of him haha) hoping that the rain will stop so i can gooo! i am in need for some outdoor excercise.

the one i'm losing

i wish you could read this and realize how dissapointed i am in the way you've been acting. how sad i am cos you havn't been talking. how angry i am cos your not even trying.
thanks for everything, which will later end out as nothing, if that's the way you want it to be.
if your reason is because of the latest event and missunderstanding, then i just wanna say i'm still here for you bro, believe me. and i'm saying this the way you have always said it to me. you've been my place to share and i've been your place to come to, in your ups and downs. so before you accuse me wrong, talk to me and we'll talk it out like we always did.
it feels like i'm losing you. i miss the real you :'(

high school, forever in my heart

holidays...
sounds fun aye? hell yeah!
but how about 3 months? HELL NO it's not fun at all!
the first two weeks were ok, but now i'm starting to get sick of the holidays. it's getting boring after a month, and to make it worse, i am so broke cos i've been wasting money on unimportant shit too. oh god!
it's making me wanna start uni asap, eventhough i'm kinda not ready for the uni life.

to the main point i guess: I DEARLY MISS HIGH SCHOOL, HEAAPPS !
i wanna go back and sit in my (not permanent) seat next to nadya maisarah nur-my dear chairmate with the rest of the best :) and sit there listen to the teacher going on about whatever. i wanna have those crack ups with the whole class again where we would just laugh about anything. moving classes, gossip at lunch, crazy drama, running away from the teacher, skipping classes, love stories, and the fact that i miss studying like crazy (especially the last 3 months of school), making fun of stupid little things.. and just EVERYTHING!

for me, high school were the maddest times eveeerrr! the place and the times where we start to really think about the future and where we look back to the past and say "i am a better person now than i was before" and "i'm gonna do the best for the future" bla bla bla
i think 3 years still weren't enough, but..
3 years have made me a better person in the ways i know of.
3 years gained me the best of friends that i'll cherish always.
3 years earned me valuable knowledge from the greatest loving teachers and also experiences that maybe i won't experience again in the future.
3 years taught me so much of almost everything.
so much good things about high school to write down that it just won't fit in this blog. even the bad times were good when you look over your shoulder back to those times.
at first, i didn't believe that the "high school is the best period in your life" old saying. but now, i've been there, done that, and yes it is the best period in your life..
as far as i've gone :)

78 senior high school, forever in my heart <3

HAHA good old primary days

so i met my primary teacher on facebook and she sent me a few school pics by email.
omg they were good old days, all the fun and stuff :)

this was in year one when we were still lil kiddies haha. look how small we were :) well the uniform was still red at that time.


well this wasn't my class, but it was lani's year 6 class, she is a good friend of mine that i met in aussie ages ago and we went to the same school, still family too. she still is the best! hard to believe that we havn't seen each other though since then -.-
and omg look at the hairstyles ! HAHA

aaannnddd, this was my last year in mwps. though i wasn't in this photo (cos i left a few weeks before school photos, damn!) man , the best class of mwps ! great teacher, mad friends ! miss u guys <3

HAHAHA GOOD OLD PRIMARY DAYS WERN"T THEY ! :)

as bruce lee said

i bumped into an inspiring quote today that caught my eye.

"notice that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked, while the bamboo or willow survives by bending with the wind"
- BRUCE LEE

it turned out to have a lot of meanings to me and i tried to explain it in my own words haha.

1. learn to accept other people's critics and opinion. don't be a hardheaded person. those who tend to live without critism in their life are those who later on fall deep in their own mistakes.
2. don't be a snob and brag about things you have, things you've done, and things you've said cause they might just be the things that are gonna bring you down.
3. be an open minded and flexible person. these are a few things that make you a person that can fit in, in any situation with other different people.
4. be down to earth. the higher you go, the higher the wind blows.
5. looking strong on the outside doesn't mean you are inside. we're all vulnerable but in our own ways and times. it doesn't hurt to show you feel, tears fall for a reason.
6. let yourself choose the things you want and need in life, because standing there doing nothing today ain't a solution for a better tomorrow.

so.. bend with the wind :)

tio and mathematics have the same thing in common

meet my lil brother, ilham austio syofian, tio for short. thirteen this july, big MU fan and a football maniac. he's the best lil bro ever ! thooough sometimes he can be a pain in the neck, especially when it comes to helping him with his homework-MATHEMATIC HOMEWORK that is! it's like hell when we talk about this subject (i really mean it). everything just gets stressful. me teaching him until my neck veins start popping out, him listening to me with the i-dont-understand-face and the fact that he starts crying when it gets all intense. i swear, it's a hard job teaching an eighth grader mathematic almost everyday.
i just happened to finish teaching him some x y z's and AGAIN, it was stressful! it took a freakin hour just to answer 3 annoying questions haha.
i see that tio and mathematics have a few things in common:

- they both drive me crazy
- tio is complicated to understand, just like mathematics.
- in math you need the right formula to get the right answer, whereas tio, you need the right words to get the right explanation from him.
- they've both been in my life eversince the first day i met them haha.
- in math, the higher the level the harder it is. tio? the older he is the harder he is to tell!

god, i just wish he can get through all his mathematic homework days without all this drama haha
love you lil brat no matter what <3

my so called lovelife

there have been come and go's in my so called LOVELIFE. starting from those primary crushes, the puppy love, heartaches and heartbreaks, the closest ones who end up being the best place to pour your heart out to, the better-of-as-friends cases (which actually were better), the serious and not serious ones and even the ones that were just kept silent in the heart for noone else to know.
few realize that i don't talk about this topic much, not that i don't wanna share, but just cause i feel it's better to keep it alone with only a few of the closest people knowing.
but today, i felt like posting a few stories on my blog to share, maybe the ones i feel free to talk about.

THE PRIMARY CRUSHES

hahaha, i laugh whenever i flashback about this period of time, they were the funny fun times. first crush was L, he was like my best friend too since kindergarten. he was the tallest guy in class haha, he always helped me with schoolwork and everything else i needed help with. played chase almost every lunchtime. overall he was one of the nicest, caring and smart guys i've met, and i'm sure he still is, maybe thats why i had a crush on him hehe.
hmm other one was I, he was a new kid in year 4, he sat next to me on the first day not knowing where he came from. he was a cool, easygoing, friendly guy. i remember he kept calling me maxsteel cause of my silver hairtie (still don't know the reason why). i see he liked my lil bro, he helped me look for icecubes when my lil bro bumped his head on the pole haha. well overall yeah he was special to me :)

THE BETTER OF AS FRIENDS
sometimes things go the way you don't want it to go and maybe that's the best thing for you.
in those junior high school days, there was always a friend that was there to listen to you whatever time of day it was. you'd call or just text them to tell unimportant things about your life and he'd listen to you like there was only you as sound in his ears. but as time went by, he starts acting weird, he puts on a different mimmick on his face when he talks to you and eventually you do the same. he just took everything wrong. late night he texts you and says that we should be more than just friends, but then you realize your better off as JUST friends. haha typical love story but it did end up better off like that, and now we're still in touch better than ever :)

to be continued laterr, heading of to aunty's house to taste some good food, slurrps ;) tada !

maskeran featuring bokap

pfft seharusnya hari ini gw ada di pim lagi, nerusin revisi data bts kemaren, cuma ya karena isu isu bom ga jelas yg akhir-akhir ini beredar, gw ga boleh keluar rumah, padahal kemaren gw boleh pergi ? aneh, bete -.- !

sooo, semalem pulang dari hari yg menyenangkan agak melelahkan, gw mulai ritual baru bareng nyokap yaitu MASKERAAN BAREENG ! fun thing to do pastinya hehe yaah walopun tadinya males soalnya uda malem tapi jadi juga walopun 'sedikit' gagal hehe :)
lucunya pas bokap gw pulang dari lapangan bulutangkis nonton orang tanding semifinal, dia ngeliat gw sama nyokap gw lagi tiduran trus asik nikmatin maskerannya. awalnya ditawarin gamau, alesannya ngapain cowo harus maskeran? buat apa kulit cowo lembut dll. tp pas gw ama nyokap gw mulai ngerayu ''veh enak bgt va, covain deh ! ademv avis lho va !'' dia mulai tertarik haha trus ikut nimbrung minta dipakein juga haha :D akhirnya gw pasang masker buat bokap gw walopun agak susah soalnya muka gw juga dimasker. sengaja gw pasangin yang anti ageing biar mukanya jadi awet muda hehe.
uda dipasangin, bokap ikut tiduran disbelah nyokap gw, eh bokap gw mulai ngoceh, cerita soal bomlah, ngurus pasporlah, soal ijazah SD dia yang dia kasih secara SUKARELA ke sahabatnya buat ngurusin apalah haha konyol bgt tuh cerita !(padahal sebelumnya uda gw bilangin, jgn ngajak ngomong dulu, ntar maskernya berantakan) eh gara-gara itu juga gw ama nyokap mulai ngomel ''ah vava mah vikin ketavwa mvulu nih kacau dah'' soalnya masker kita uda berantakan gara-gara ngetawain bokap gw. ngeliat masker gw sama nyokap uda berantakan eeh malah diterusin ketawa sama cerita flashback waktu giginya copot, lagi makan daging apa gitu di restoran sama temennya. makin jadi dah ketawanya.
karena uda ga tahan ketawa lagi, gw sama nyokap copot tuh masker trus ngakak sepuasnya.
- and that was the end of our maskering night! hahaha
kesimpulan: jgn maskeran bareng orang yg suka ngajak ketawa, kalaupun dia mau ikutan, selotipin dulu mulutnya biar ga bisa ngelawak haha :)
all over it was a hillarious night! mau lagi ntar ah maskeran featuring bokap, seru juga ternyata ! :)

&& this is a pic of my mama and papa. tampang boleh serius dan galak, kenyataan berkata sebaliknya hahaha

hey tukang bom !

bom lagi, bom lagi ! ada apa sih sama orang-orang yang demen bgt ngebom di indonesia? for goodness sake, STOP IT !
ga liat apa akibatnya? liat tuh di tv orang-orang nangisin keluarganya, temennya, rekan kerjanya. apa lo ga punya keluarga, ga punya temen, ga punya hati? uda gitu yg lo bom hotel asing pula. ga mikir apa akibatnya ke dunia internasional. indonesia uda mulai diterima baik oleh negara lain, eh lo malah kerajinan ngebom marriot, muara angke ama ritz carlton.

hey tukang bom denger :
klo lo WNI, lo sangat memalukan negara ini ! BE A SHAME OF YOURSELF ! dosa lo makin banyak tau, makin cepet masuk neraka.
klo lo WNA, ngapain sih lo ngebomin negara orang? bom aja sana negara lo sendiri , GET LOST ! EFF YOU !

hmm tapi klo ini ternyata sebuah konspirasi supaya MU ga jadi dateng ato gara-gara hasil pemilu, well.. what can i say ?

+ turut berduka cita buat korban dan keluarga korban yang meninggal dan terluka dalam musibah ini.

SEMANGAAAT !

in life, you step into many stages and levels. you run into problems, confusion, heartbreak, failure, and so many more things that sometimes you feel that it's impossible to get through all of it. it's happened to me a lot. thinkin it's impossible to do this and that, be friends with him and her, go to this place and that place, impossible getting what you want, choosing the right person, which school to go to, just always being pesimist in the things you do and want.
right now, i'm thinkin about the snmptn results - the finale. to be honest , i think it's impossible for me to earn a place in UI, competing with thousands of other students with the same goal. eventhough i'm already accepted in another uni but there are still high hopes for UI. but i realized that it's the same thing, wether you go to this uni or that uni, it depends on yourself, on your own individual thoughts. maybe you do have more pride in going to a number one ranked university in your country. but again, whats the point if your there doing nothing to make yourself better in the ways you want to? sometimes you don't open your eyes wide enough to see how big this world is , and how theres so many things around you and many more places to go to.

to all my friends out there that are still waiting and hoping the best for snmptn and everything else, don't give up, keep praying! nothing is impossible and yet, impossible is nothing! even mission impossible was accomplished, see? but.. if you don't earn that seat, maybe it just might've not been yours but HOLD YOUR HEAD UP HIGH! theres no need to see yourself as a failure because YOU'RE NOT A FAILURE! believe, there are other places waiting for you to lead you to the road of success, and thats where you will be doing your thing :)

SEMANGAAAT !!

hello morning !

wow, i can't believe i'm awake this early. and.. posting a new entry too haha. i'm starting to like this blogging thing :) since ive got nothing to do anyways.

so why is it tham i'm so surprised i'm awake this early? clearly cause i'm awake at THIS time of the morning. but why does it seem abnormal to me? cos.. i have a bad habit thats so hard to deal with: sleeping late and then waking up late too (read:begadang) ! seems like a small deal, but it's actually a big one.
on the holidays or even weekends. on a usual night free from school or any activity, i can sleep until dawn and wake up approximatley 11 or 12 (thats if my mum doesn't come in and start yapping at me to wake up). a few times, ive slept a WHOLE day, until my head felt really dizzy and my back aching. i realize theres no advantages to this, but somehow it can't stop. you can say its like insomnia at night and bed fever in the morning.

i really wanna fight this habit, but i guess i need time. one of the main reasons i'm trying so hard, cos my aunty once said that it'll later on affect the brain, memory storage even worse. and lots of other different illnesses. maybe thats why ive become such a forgetful person these days?

well a word of advice from me to you : if you have bad habits, theres nothing wrong to start and fight against it, cos you'll never what negative effects it'll bring you.

laters, im off for breakfast !

my name is ?

some people might be asking , what the heck is your real name. it isn't a big deal but i think it has confused a few people. so lemme make it clear .

i was born with the name KHAIRIYAH SARTIKA , and it's the same name on my birth certificate aswell. this is the name that my parents gave me (they were planning on naming me jone before that , wtf ?? haha) , and with a lil help of arabic translation from my aunty. khairiyah means good woman , and sartika was the name of an indonesian woman-hero. the hope was that later on i'd grow to become a good woman that can help others in every way.
entering kindergarten , my dad enrolled me with the name tika , and syofian as my surname just like my dad's surname. in a few countries you only use your given name and surname, they don't ask for full names. i used that name until i moved back to indo in year 6. thats how i ended up people knowing me as TIKA SYOFIAN .
sooo i started school here and used my birthname until the end of high school . but , why is it KHAIRIYAH SARTIKA SYOFIAN now ? becaauseee .. i've been meeting old friends on facebook , and what they know is im tika syofian and i hate it when people think i'm a random when i'm using my real full name and they don't have a clue who i am , it takes a looong time to accept the request . and on the other hand other friends know me as khairiyah. so rather than making it a big fuss , there you go ! khairiyah sartika syofian , kinda awkward but it has helped a lot :)
i've lived with each name for almost equally 9 years.

but call me whatever you like, tika, teka teekay, tick-tock, tic-tac, tik-tik-tik, tixie, sticka, tibeng, tince , yaaaw whatever suites you :)

unemployed

pre-school : DONE !
kindergarten : DONE !
primary : DONE !
junior high : DONE !
senior high : DONE !
work : UNEMPLOYED !

i might be one of the million people in indo with the same education life. going through 12 years of formal schooling, but ending up with no job.

what is the point of accomplishing so many years ? well to me , one of the reasons is for the future , for a high quality job that'll take me to better levels and aspects in life .

but it seems that looking for jobs here in indo is a huge struggle ! no mean to complain but it's reality.
eventhough we have those degrees, the certificates and even the skill , its still ain't easy !
maybe in other countries, working part time at the age of 15 or so is a normal thing , over here , talk about 15 ! you might even grow till your 20's and not have a job.

it does depend on how hard you try to look for a job , but theres always a FACTOR-X .

my hope is that indo will have more vacant jobs to offer us , so you wont be ending up like me , more outcome than income and wasting time on thousands of things i should be doing right now.
but for now, JUST KEEP LOOKIN & TRYIN !
do your best and let god do the rest !


oh well , chao for now !

how children inspire us

so , lately i've been going back and forth to the hospital to see my lil cuz thats been staying there for about 2 weeks-almost.
he's a bubbly 5 year old diagnosed with leukimia just a few weeks ago, and so are the other patients in the same room as him. some are still very small-babies to be exact, some are toddlers and some are almost in their teen age.
some have spent their childhood in their beds, and how would that feel ? they're all still too small to suffer this much, sometimes i just can't bare to watch them getting injected, going trhough chemotherapy and seeing they're hair fall off one by one. gooosssshhh its sad, its heartbreaking !
how would you feel if you knew that YOU were seriously ill? well maybe i'd be crying to the max and maybe start to become hopeless in many ways.
well, did you know that these children in that hospital were far from hopeless. they were bright, smart, cheerful, bubbly, encouraging, inspiring- well you can name it all the goods things. they didn't look as though they were going through any illness whatsoever- well only when the doctor comes in and gives them their injection and medicine.
they had fighting spirits, and i mean BIG fighting spirits. they were'nt any different from any other normal healthy kid. you could see the hope of getting better in their eyes. some had been in the same bed for 8 years, like a 15 year old girl i talked to. her name was rini, she suffered from telasemia (which is kinda like leukimia, but this relates to the red blood vessels). well rini is 15 , but she has a physical appearance of a 7 year old kid. she is very cheerful and likes to play with the hospital nurses. shes been medicated for 8 years but she never gives up, so do her parents. they always believe that there is a way and that rini can still live her normal life.
and so as ali-my lil cuz, he hasnt changed one bit since he was diagnosed positive leukimia. still playing with his friends, screaming, hide and seek, eating the same things, just doing his children things.

children inspire us in many ways. eventhough they might not think like an adult, or act like one. they're the ones that make an adult think and act in a proper way.
never give up on hope, cause theres always a light at the end of the tunnel.



to all the children out there, keep inspiring , and touch those many hearts out there.
get well soon ali <3 get well everybody !