Present thoughts 22:03

Empty heart. Confusion. Procrastinating. Envy. Lack of communication. Resolutions. Dilemma. Taj Jackson. Friends. Assignments. Mosquitoes. The I don't understand why questions. Boredom. Blank stares. His readables. Facebook. Parents. Jatinangor. Useless posting. 2010. Savings. Football. Credits. Vulnerable.

ehmm, confession

So I'm back in Jakarta. Usually I go crazy and all happy when I'm here. But right now it ain't like that anymore. Instead, I kinda miss Jatinangor - Yeah, I do.
You can say I'm here, to see my brother, aunty, uncle and friends. I don't even know if I'll be spending my new year's eve here or not.
As lame as it is in Jatinangor, I kinda like it there now :)

As it ends, we go back

Wow ! I can't believe it's almost the end of 2009 and heading to a start of another new year. Many events - and I mean many as in heaps loads stacks of events - have occured throughout this year.
We go back to January and forward. The last months of the senior year in high school, the last moments of our three year journey. The year where we struggled, studied and prepared ourselves for the final exams. We laughed, we cried, we smiled big time.
2009, The year my grandfather passed away. He promised me a graduation plus a birthday gift, but god took him away before I got to receive it. My 18th birthday. Dad's 48th, Mum's 41st and Tio's 13th. The year my lil nephew, Ali, was diagnosed with leukimia. A few months later, his father passed away - Tragic!
It's the year I graduated from high school, standing on stage, receiving the medal, rose and certificate. The promnight and the events that occured. The year I was accepted in Padjadjaran University. Moving to Bandung and living on my own. The year my parents moved to Palembang and the first time my family living separated from each other.
But throughout this year, I've made many great friends from across the country, I've experienced many new things, learnt and tried out new stuff. Liked, loved and even hated. I realize I've improved in a few things, eventhough still far from what I expect. I learnt how to be more open-minded in handling situations. Responsibility as an individual, daughter, sister, friend and social being. How to deal with the so called uni life. A year of independence, growing up and realizing that there's still a million stairs to get to the place I want to be. The importance of studying hard, working hard and praying eventhough procrastination played its part. Being grateful for what god has given me. Learning how to treat other people better, choosing to look at others below me rather than envying the ones above me - a good way to self-introspect. Deciding what choices I had to take and where it has lead me to. Regretting a lot of things, yet moving on and continuing with life. Choosing the things I wanted to do and leaving what I didn't want to do. This year was full of smiles and laughters. Yet, the amount of salty water that ran down my cheeks were also uncountable. All the backstabbers, friend haters, liars, betrayers and etc, well just forgive and forget, that's one thing I learnt. Oh and I thank Gossip Girl - DVD, for some valuable life lessons this year :)

Gee, I just can't wait to see what 2010 has in store for us all. How life is gonna turn out. Where am I gonna end up, what am I gonna be doing. The family, friends, uni, lovelife - just everything !
Hope next year's gonna be a better year than the past ones.
Eleven days till the countdown, fellas :)

and the clock goes tick tock

it's 2.30am and i can't sleep - so much on my mind .
just finished playing uno cards and monopoly with dhea, adit and isnan - which are all also sleeping over tonight. spent the evening watching duren cup but didn't get to to watch the last match pffft !

three more days to go till the holidays , YEAAA ! but at the same time LOADS OF ASSIGNMENTS to start on -_-

and now i'm multitasking - blogging, facebooking and watching "Freedom Writers" again - for the fourth time already. it's such a great movie that you just don't get bored of .

UPDATE : DONE, FIN


laters,

remember december

HELLLO DECEMBER POSTS , i havnt even posted anything this month.
days just fly by so quick.. my mum and dad have already reached palembang and next week i'm coming back home to jakarta to see my lil bro :) i've got my final term exams on the 4th of january so i guess it's gonna be a two week holiday just for studying (and hanging out of course) hehehehe.
this week has been rounded up ABSOLUTELY FUN ! ( except for the flu, cough, and fever). though i've been lacking of sleep but it's all good cos when you share the late-night with friends, everything feels wayyyy better :)
the duren cup (football) for the english department is being held and last night went there with the girls to watch the matches. got home at 11-ish and had late-night spillouts with nana till 3am. and my eyes are so baggy now hahaha I NEED SLEEP !

mentioning football, the practices have been really enjoying. with all the friendly coaches and seniors. they treat you all the same and that's why it's comfortable to come every mondays and have practice :) but hey hey i miss my sunday football routines with my dad and my lil bro , awwwww. mum and dad called last night and god i miss them SOOOO MUCH.

hmmm, can't wait for the holidays, can't wait to see what tomorrow has in stall for me :)

Distance is a matter

Growing up, distance had always been a big issue in my life.
When I was small, I lived in a different continent, miles away from my grandparents and extended family. At that time, the only way we could communicate was by phone and only be able to hear each other's voices. Sometimes my family would send photos and vice versa. Distance was a matter.

I grew up with many amazing friends - ones who were, are, still and always will be special to me. When it was time to return to homeland, distance was another big issue, why ? Because I had to leave what I had - everything, everyone, the family, the friends, the loved ones and then live miles away from them. Sad it was !
Distance was the only thing that kept us apart.

Now, I've gotta deal with the fact that again, distance is, and is going to be a matter. Me studying in Bandung, a city away from Jakarta, and my parents who are going to be living in another province. Living far away from loved ones for me is hard, but I'm getting used to it - I have to.

Distance might be one of the reasons I don't know all my extended family really well. It also might be the reason why 'we' don't keep in touch as often as we did before, eventhough we have Facebook, Skype, MSN and etc. It's just not the same.

But I've got to the point where I realize that distance has taught me loads of things. The ways of adapting to new environments, the true meaning of friendship and family. It has taught me the steps to become an independent individual for my myself and other people. Now I guess living far away from my parents is going to turn me into a better sister for Tio cos it means I'd have to keep an eye on him more often and not have those one on one tempramental moments anymore lol.

Eventhough the distance is only a two hour, six hour, three day drive or even far as in, on the other the side of the world, make it a reason for you to become a better individual for yourselves and other people. Although for me, still, distance will always be a matter.

how are you jakarta ?

woohoo , 4 days to go till idul adha and i can't wait to get my ass back home :) i've already told my mum to cook the usual delicious homemade cooking just for meee hehehe .
man it's been about a month since the last time i went to jakarta and i'm fully missing everything .
but i guess it's not gonna be as happy as i'm hoping it would because after idul adha my parents are gonna move to palembang - which is across another island (read: heaps far) and this is like wow ! oh man i'm in tears :'( i'm here in jatinangor , my lil bro in jakarta with my aunt and uncle and my parents in palembang ?? geee , still can't imagine how it's gonna be . and saying bye (i mean bye as in take-care-bye) it's one of the hardest things for me to do without salty water running down my cheeks :'(
but again , that's what you call life . you never know what's gonna happen . one day your here , the other day your in a different place . a minute your laughing , the next minute your loaded in tears . the thing is , how do you deal with it .
point is , i just really can't wait to get home :)


laters.

ten million fireflies

these past weeks i have been fully in love with OWL CITY - FIREFLIES !
ok , at first i was like wth is this song going on about ? oh and the sorta techno kinda beat which i don't usually like . BUT , the second time i heard it on the radio , faaaaar it caught my ears and boy now it's as addictive as chocolate hahaha .
now i am fully listening to this awsome song everyday , forgetting ne-yo and friends for a while hahaha :) it's so relaxing to listen to sleep and accompany you at any time of the day .
you should check it out !


"..leave my door open just a crack. cos i feel like such an insomniac. why do i tire of counting sheep. when i'm far too tired to fall asleep. to ten million fireflies. i'm weird cos i hate goodbyes.."

RECOMMENDED ! :)

a view from the inside

and there they are . the ones who don't want to make an effort , the users , friend-pickers , sweetalkers . the fake , the liars , the people-haters , the gossipers


look on the brightside there are still the ones who share , the ones who try , the real smiles , the humble personalities , the honesty , the ones who don't go blabbering bull about people , the normal thinkers and straight talkers .


how ironic !

From me to you

To whom it may concern,

From this day forward, i have officially let go of all my feelings for you. I admit it was hard, but i had to. I thank you for all the good times we spent which meant a thousand things to me. I'm not going to delete you out of my life or anything close to that. Just the feelings that were kept for you in that part of me that never understood why. You'll still be the same somebody eventhough things have now changed. No regrets at all. No hard feelings from neither of us, right? As you said, no tears over shitty situations like this. Well, no mean to be melancholy writing this, but i just can't keep it inside.
We both have our own worlds to discover and travel to, and good luck to you on that. I think i'll do just fine. We'll both move along with smiles. Keeping the bond we've always had. You brightened up those dullest days and i thank you in advance. Maybe the mark will never be erased. But i'm sure one day it'll fade as days go by. Here are my thanks and this is my apology. You might never understand why.

my blablabla's

my what-i-want-to-do and need-to-do list

● acheive a good grade this term
● try out for scolarships
● start saving some money
● make time for football practice
● improve debating skills and competing in an extern uni competition
● get something special for my lil brother
● learn french and be able to speak it
● be able to keep my room clean
● be a better someone
● stop procrastinating
● spend more quality time with the high school buddies
● plan a holiday for the end of term holidays
● make a wish board like the one on oprah
● read more novels
● change my bad habits
● learn how to not sleep like a cow
● more smiles , less frowns
● wake up before 9 everyday
● forget about the past lovelife and move on


hmm the last one seems kinda hard but i gotta move along ..

great friends, cool lecturers and an unanswered question

HELLOOOOO BLOG , HELLOOOOO NEW POST !
it's been a zillion years since i've typed useless words and stories on my tick-tack-talking page.

ehem quick review: i've been busy adapting to uni life haha

it's all been really great and enjoying. just had a welcoming camp a few days ago which was MAADDD ! :) the english department had the camp at cikole, lembang. beautiful scenery, trees, mountains,fresh air, back to what you call nature :) it was an exciting two days but unfortunately my team didn't get to go on the flying fox :( hmm oh well, maybe next year i guess.

ok sooo, the lecturers here are very easygoing and they have these superior massive intellegent brains haha (seriously !). each day they make you think harder haha

i've got so much things to update on but i'll make it short.
about a few classes i'm taking...

● prose, exciting but it's effing hard when it gets to the analytical part , it makes you think like you've never thought before haha. it encourages you to think out of the box.
● pattern drill is enjoying and fun asss ! the lecturer has this cool british accent man ! :) now i'm learning how to speak in british accent a lil bit haha
● grammar. i never liked grammar since the first time i knew what it was. but in this class we gain extra knowledge about philosophic, history, mathematic and political issues (well ok, mathematics is not my thing haha) oh and heaps more cos the lecturer has this cool brain consisting of so much knowledge in it .
● paragraph writing, where you write, write and write. oh and the fact that i suck at writing paragraphs of anything makes it kinda stressful.
● english speech. no comment haha. the title is 'english speech' but there's no difference to paragraph writing, it's weird !

overall, i learnt that by loving something you don't, will make it easier for you to love even more :)
oh and uhmm at welcoming camp, this was a thing that struck me and made me think it over, "what do you have that others don't have that'll be able to make you outsand amongst other people"
and the question is: so what do i have ?


laters.

C is for cutting and cleaning

time just goes by so slow here in jatinangor. i just texted my mum to see how everyones doing back at home and mum said theres a blackout in jakarta. geee, what is wrong with PLN ? ckckck
maaann, i miss everyone at home !

------------------

FINALLY, I GOT A HAIRCUT ! (after like what? months? years?) hehehe my head feels lighter now !
thanks to the banci-guy that cut my hair, i didn't regret saying goodbye to 7cm of my hair (like i usually do) :) NICE WORK ! *super duper biggg smileeee*

well oh well today i had class at 9.50am, but the killer-with-no-sandals-on lecturer couldn't attend class so we signed the attendance list and i decided to head back to my pad. first thing on my mind was to clean up, cos like my desk was a huge disaster, my wardrobe even worse, dirty clothes waiting to be washed and etc.
got the dirty clothes in a bag and sent it to the laundry (i couldn't handle washing them myself). continued with the books and accessories on the desk. sweeped, wiped, mopped, washed, scrubbed. and hey hey my room has officially been pimped - no cleaned haha.
hardwork payed off, and i'm now laying in my oh so comfy bed, snuggling in my thick fur tiger blanket accompanied with maccaroni and warm tea :)
don't you just love it when everything around you is clean, tidy and smells good ? :)
yeah love it don't ya. it's becomes more comfy and it def feels heaps better.
i don't get why people like to see their house or room all messed up and not even bother to clean it up. and some don't even think about trying to.
i'm not saying that i'm a perfecto or anything but well at least have a little self-consciousness about it. it doesn't hurt to spend maybe yeah like once a week to clean up. it makes you feel good actually :)



hmm i really have so many things to share, but idk, just can't be bothered to type. hmm maybe later in another post entry.


enjoy your nice cup of warm drinks & nighty night peopless ! ;)

random thoughts

i love it when the whole family sits together and we'd just put our feet on the table, munch on food and talk about a million things, laughing our heads off.

my sympathy and salutation to a woman dealing with so many challenges in her life atm. her son, her husband, her problems.

why is it freaking hot, is hell's fire leaking ?

my dad has a GREAT desire for food, and it's gone down to the children :)

i think gobin (random cat from idk where living in my house atm) is gay. he is not interested in females, food and life. he sleeps 19 hours a day and only drinks water and leftover food - thats if he feels like eating.

don't think kids with serious illness or disease are hopeless. they have bigger spirits than those who are normal and healthy.

swearing doesn't make you look cool.

why can't people type in normal fonts and words without having to make the reader suffer.

when you think you've done the best, theres always someone who has done better.

all she does is update her status every few minutes going on about her boyfriend(s) thinking that the world is just about that.

i'm only half excited about getting back to uni this monday.

if i'd have to pay a certain amount of money every single time i complain. how much would i end up paying ?

i want those godamn freakin awsome all star sneakers.

i don't like that filthy place, look somewhere else.

those are the rich and famous, they're the nerds and geeks, them there - who are they? the reality in indo schoolife -_-

even at the angriest point, my dad has NEVER EVER hit, slapped, pinched or whatever kind of punishment to us.

i need a new phone but i want to spend my money on somethin else.

why do i have such a bad memory?

damn i miss you

00:10
NOW PLAYING:
Taylor Swift-Breathe


dear you,
havn't seen you in ages and truth is i miss you, and idk why?

weird though, remembering the times we spent. the awkward situations and so the memorable ones :) eventhough till now i still don't know how i feel for you. but obviously you changed my way of seeing other things differently. you definitely marked your name on mine and earned a place there.
maybe we still talk to each other in a different dimension but it's way different than reality. late night talk, complaints, heart spills, stupid joking around, the way you don't care about things. gee, loooong time -_-


FACT: i wanted to see you but plans sometimes don't go the way you want them to.



damn, i miss you.

having the greatest friends on earth is a blessing, eid mubarak yoooo !

i'm gonna make this short so mmmkay ehem .
on 180909 my bestest friends on earth of mine had a catch up and buka puasa bareng . we met up at puri indah mall and damn i was sooo happy to see everyone after a such a long time after dealing with uni and everything.
rayi, uppe, donna, irin, amel, sarah, selfi,bogel, windi, farley, kujoy and ismet.
we also made a little surprise for amelioraaaa tooo cos it was exactly the same date as her birthday :)

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY AMELIA 'amelioraaaa' DALIANTI XOX

after all the eating, laughing, memory laning, chit chatting and taking photos, we decided to photo studio. we laughed all the way at almost everything haha, everything just seemed to be so funny, happy and cheerful :)
then amel offered a lil firework gathering on her rooftop. we got the fireworks and headed to amel's crib. spent the night with fireworks, late night snacking and late night chat. beautiful night it was !
at 11ish nyimas, ines, sasa, uud, ai and ghazi arrived with a surprise baguette with 18 candles for the birthday girl.
what a wonderful birthday for ameliora :)
me, uppe, rayi sleptover and called it a day - a wonderful wonderful day !
i miss you guys all already .


oh and lebaran today :)
wasn't a really fine lebaran this year. no grandparents anymore , mamas sick. then me with the crying last night, waking up late with baggy eyebags, almost missed the prayer -_-
but come on, who doesnt love lebaran. all the food, the get together, the joy and so on.
EID MUBARAK EVERYONE. MAY ALLAH FORGIVE ALL OUR SINS AND BECOME BETTER BEINGS , AMIN ! :)
MINAL AIDIN WAL FAIDZIN , MOHON MAAF LAHIR DAN BATINNNN :)

i'm home, should i blame the food or the lecturer ?

i'm baaaaaaack !!
yes, back to home sweet home, back to jakarta, back to television :) (i havn't watched tv for a month lol)
after some tough decisions wether i should jig 2 lessons at uni to arrive earlier in jakarta or not, i did hehe. my holidays were supposed to start on the 18th but man i couldn't wait any longer than the 12th to get my ass back to jakarta.
and the story goes..


FRIDAY
i had the usual grammar and paragraph writing class. all the lecturers had already let us go on holiday except for this grammar teacher, so annoying and not understanding -_- so i thought that i'd have to attend in class, great rrr!
the same night, the english department 09 held a buka puasa bersama with the other english department students from '06 '07 and '08. my ospek group performed jason mraz and colbie's lucky - with me playing the guitar. the show was entertaining and we got to know others aswell. at the end everyone made a long line and we shook hands, forgiving each other cos a few more days to go till lebaran. the crew had a final evaluation and that was where i felt the family feeling :) i just love these people !

SATURDAY
i woke up with the worst stomache ache ever. i was thinking it was caused by the sambel or es buah last night but i dunno. all i know, it made me go back and forth to the toilet. a few hours after that my feet started to freeze and my body started to sweat heavily. i caught a fever and i was soooo weak due to the dhiarrea. i texted my mum and she said i should go home sunday. hard to say yes immediately cos i still had 2 lessons on monday and wednesday (thanks to that grammar teacher -.-). but after thinking it over, i called my mum and said "i'm coming home tomorrooow! :)"
i packed my things and slept the rest of the day to recharge my strength.

SUNDAY
caught a bus from cileunyi, paid 26 rupiah for the tickets (cheeeaap !) and sat for three hours hoping to arrive asap. got to the last stop, lebak bulus, and there they were! my mum and aunty :) i ran to them like in those indian movies and hugged them soooo tight. man it felt so good to see them again, like after a year-like month in bandung.
got home and faaaarrr! my lil bro is whiter and taller haha :) man i missed him heaps!
i salam-ed the whole fam and neighbours, and wow what a damn good day at home :)

buuuutttt...

MONDAY
the dhiarrea to start again. this time even worse. after 6 times going back and forth i couldn't stand it anymore. i felt dizzy, weak, no energy. my vision started to blur and i felt like vomiting - which i did.
like to be honest, i thought i was gonna pass out, fortunately my uncle helped me up and gave me a glass of warm water.
i went to the medical clinic and they gave me medicine to take three times a day.
my mum rubbed me with cajuput oil and i slept the whole day.
wew, what a start of returning home haha
and what an essay of a story haha.

theres no better place than home, no better thing than mama's cooking and no better people than your family & friends :)

loving the hot weather too, since bandung is freakin cold, i miss sweating hehe :)

it's about your days, brain, friends and stomache

first whole active week of uni and poof it's going to start all over tomorrow.
a few things i caught on the way were that the english teachers were more flexible about our clothing. not like the bahasa and citizenship teacher, where we have to wear a collared shirt and shoes to class. then there was this one teacher that was kinda freaky. he kinda washed our brains for a few seconds because of his philosophy about religion and life like, "the daily practice of dalil syafii' in america can be used and why can't it be used in indo bla bla bla" then the "there is no justice in this world blablabla... even your own god can be sold and bought blabla.." aaand etc whereas in one way he was right but wrong at the same time but it was all very convincing.
apart from that, classes were getting much friendlier and comfortable too. the english department 09 is going to hold a first buka bersama and this event is making us closer to each other and i'm getting to know everyone else from my major. i'm taking part in the consumtion division but the publishing division asked me to help out on making the posters and pamflets, and i'm happy i didn't dissapoint them with the design.

yesterday was the first meeting for esu debating club. i decided to join this to improve my english, learn how to debate well, compete and meet new friends. oh and travel the world haha *wishing* eventhough all the members didn't attend yesterday but it was heaps fun. we had to do a 3 minute speech about anything - and i ended up with the typical, introducing myself. then we had this game called mafia. it was to see our ability in persuaing and defending ourselves in a situation. the day ended with a short interview.
the new friends i made were really friendly and nice people. there was arvin from law faculty, yosie from communication, ridho from economy faculty, sabrina and mufti from the medical faculty, azwar accounting, ka dilla, ka rendi and lots more. didn't regret joining the esu debate club at all :)

oh what an evening. i've been cleaning up all day and i'm hungry but theres no food and cos im not fasting today the hunger is severe lol.
gotta take a shower now, look for something to fill my tummy and get going with my homework.


laters,

uni orientation - fin

fiuh! the three days of orientation has ended .
these past days i've had such a bad sleeping pattern. each night sleeping for only like 2-3 hours having to do the work that the senior mentor gave us. then having to wake up at 4 , heading off to the campus and returning at 5. oh how exhausting (but i payed it off by sleeping a whole day today, yeaaaah)
not to forget, all the workshops we had to listen to - some were good and others were dull and sleepy. we were on our butts for approximately 8 hours each day -.- can you believe how sore my but was then.

oh and the senior mentors.
the angels and the devils as i call them.
the angels (pk) were there ones that helped us out on everything starting from us entering the gate, the work, the group activites and heaps more. my senior mentor was lin-lin and she was veerrrry nice and friendly :)
then the devils (tim disiplin). and why the devils? because they're the seniors who make things harder on you and they're meaaaan. like shouting, checking the things your supposed to bring - and if you don't then theres a consequence for that.
what i don't like about them are their faces and their dirty looks at you , rrr it makes you wanna punch em right in the face.

the whole orientation thing was fun! and it made me want to start it all over again :)
new friends, new campus, new class, new life :)
the last day was the best part. they read out our love and hate letters that we each had to write to a senior mentor as homework. and there was this girl that surprisingly wrote an 8 paged letter to kang izul- the head senior mentor. and she confessed that she wrote it that long because she was half conscious. wtf? half? what've happened if she was full conscious? maybe 20 pages haha :) but thank god they didn't read mine. then to close the show there was this percussion performance which was freakin awsome!

at the end of orientation all the devils let off their masks and we were all shaking hands, laughing and they were all apologizing about the scenario they put on haha they were all angels in the end :)

I LOVE UNPAD FACULTY OF LETTERS ! <3

wow, goodbye orientation and hellooo class.
i'm in class A and first period tomorrow is bahasa indonesia pfftt -.-
am i supposed to be excited that uni officialy starts tomorrow, or not ?
i'll let tomorrow answer that :)

better late than wait

usually i don't mind waiting but omg this orientation thing is taking ages. they told us to arrive at 6 but it's now two hours since.
i'm even blogging on the spot since i don't know what else i can do -.- other than talk to the people beside me.
oh and this is the second day of orientation. and waiting was the same story yesterday.
daily, i prefer waiting rather than being late. but waiting this long? better late than wait i guess.

aaand, i am still waiting -.- until god knows when?

loving the uni life

now playing: jason mraz-make it mine

not the right song for this time of the night. it should be "go sleep everyone, why aren't you asleep at a time like this unless the dreamer is the real you.. "

it's only 10:26pm but it feels like jakarta at 3am, gosh so quiet and cooold. you can actually clearly hear the cicadas rubbing their hind legs. but it's kinda freaky to listen to that until falling asleep - great! now theres a cat that can't stop meowing rrrr. thank god for music :) best company in any situation

now playing: vierra-perih
(god i love this song!)

now what did i do on a saturday morning till night?
i got up at 2:30ish to have sahur and pray subuh at 5ish and went to sleep. woke up so damn early where my eyes were still half shut, half open, half whateverr -.- headed off to citra's at 8 and dropped by kopma otw, to get my unpad shirt.
theee destination: gedebage.
hmm the deal was we were leaving at 9 but blame those freakin effing amazing beautiful voices courtesy youtube (we couldn't take our eyes and ears off gamalie and audrey, jd and edo), we left at 12. haha call that on time huh.

gedebage.
d'ya know what it is?
it's this fishmarket where they sell chicken and vegetables. naah naaah kidding haha :) it's this market in bandung where they sell loads of vintage clothing, casual, formal, leather jackets, jeans.. etc but one exception. it's like factory/store leftovers. buuutt, with very verryy verrryy cheap prices. man, you need skills to bargain and look for the goodies. you might just bump into topshop, polo, country road and heaps more big brands.
i only spent like 100.000 rupiah for 7 outfits. the best bargain was a blue-two pocket-long sleeve for only 5000 rupiah! can you believe that? only 5000! (thats like buying a small bottle of coke man)
haha just the right place for people who are looking for unique tops with the craziest cheapest prices ever. we - danti, citra and i were too tired to continue anymore and anyways danti had to go back to jakarta too so we signed out, drifted away on the green angkot safely home :)

oh and today me and my roomates went to go look for food to break our fast. i chose sunda food today and it was bellisimmoooo :) i am starting to really enjoy the uni life with all these new faces, languages and accents :)

ok now it's 11 and i need es el double eee pee cos i gotta be awake at 3 for another day of sahur.


laters,

hey hey it's ramadhan

wow it's ramadhan already and i'm up just finishing off my noodles for sahur.
hey hey welcome to the fasting month :) mohon maaf lahir batin everyone. may this be the month where we become a better being and increase our ibadah and learn the true essence of ramadhan .

this year is a lil different compared to other years of ramadhan for me. actually not a lil different - but a HUGE different. i'm fasting alooone people! tsk tsk poor me :( i was hoping at least to spend the first 3 days at home sweet home, but i got uni orientation on the 25th so my mama insisted that i should just stay in bandung rather than going back and forth jakarta-bandung. geee, the first ramadhan ever without my family. to be honest i feel sorry for myself and obviously sad! cooking my own food for sahur, eating alone, cos it's too cold to go knock on my friends' doors and eat together, just cbf. brrr freezing assss atm. and breaking my fast without mama's cooking and papa and of course my lil brat (eventhough they call me once every 3-4 hours just to check up how i'm doing, still..)
:( but well, as my parents said, welcome to your new independent life. you chose this path, now this is the first step and you gotta be ready to face the many obstacles coming ahead *sigh* but yes, i gotta face it no matter what.
now, just 3 words.

i miss home.

poof! back to the other big deal.
these past days have been filled with pre-orientation and everything else that has to do with starting off uni. the english departement held a welcoming event called pre-gates on the 20th. it was a good event i must say. met loads of new friends from other parts of indonesia. some quiet, unique, funny, some shy shy cat haha others very loud haha! the whole thing was entertaining, memorable and fun - except for the extremely long intermezzo. the what-you-call-here seniors were godamn extremeley nice people too :)
and it went almost the same today, another gathering but this was the whole faculty of arts/letters. we were divide into groups and given tasks to do for orientation day.
exhausted!

it's been 3 days since i started living alone and i'm starting to getting used to it. but i havn't actually adapted with the cold weather. *flashback* it feels like australia in winter where i used to wear like 6-7 layers of clothes, double socks, beanie and a scarf haha
i'm kinda proud of myself in a way. like taking my own responsibility now. doing everything under my own awareness, aaand being able to wake up in the morning (this is such a great improvement haha)

wait, i'll brb, i need the freezer (read: toilet)

ok, i'm back!
and it's freezing! everything about the toilet is freezing. the door handle, the water, the tiles, the toilet seat, absolutely the whole thing!

meh 4.30am? whaaat? so quick! adzan subuh now. gotta pray and get back to warmthness (read: bed, three pillows and tiger blanket)

headin to citra's at 9 with danti, going to gedebage to look for some goodies :) (hope i wake up on time)


hello saturday & good morning world!
i'm off to pray and i'm off to bed :)

when we die

eleven o'clock and the weather is burning - just got home from karet bem bem cemetery or graveyard whatever you call it. my mum, aunty and i went to visit my grandpa and grandma's grave (they were burried in the same place) to send prayers before the start of ramadhan, the fasting month. and also cos i'm heading off to bandung tomorrow so maybe it'll be a long time till i can visit their grave again :(

walking through the damp soil on thousands of hectares of land with dead people inside it to me was kinda freaky, even at this time of day. it gave me goosebumps eventhough there was actually nothing to be scared of.

we sat by the grave and prayed for my grandparents. all sorts of thoughts were going in my head. you know like, what are they doing right now? what do they look like? are they ok? what is it like down there? just all sorts of things started to question me. how long are they gonna be in there? aaand well yeah who's next?

only allah knows.

when we die .. well obviously we die! haha stupid :s
then, what do we bring with us when we die? absolutely NOTHING! just our dead body bare naked and pieces of kafan to cover us. no jewelry, no money, no food, no anything.. nothing!
we can see, michael jackson didn't bring his records with him, lady diana didn't take her crown with her, yasser arafat didn't wear his headscarf to the grave. even the greatest didn't bring anything with them.
unbelievable, but true.
and now what are we doing in this world, fellas? sins or deeds? good or evil? take or give? truth or lies? right or wrong?
ask yourself.
honestly, i still can't answer myself.
depends on what you think about life and death.
at least today i know that i gotta catch up on keeping up with my daily prayers and adding a longer list of good deeds. just start with the small things you can do to make a better change, cos you never know when dee eee aay tee aych comes by.

i miss you blog

oh how i've missed blogging so much :) i've been desperate to post an entry just about anything but i havn't had the time to.
and why havn't i had time? hmm there's a trillion zillion reasons which i dunno where to start from and i don't think i'll be able to explain all either?
but let's start off with hello university! haha
ehem, sooo, these past weeks i've been busy dealing with uni. been going back and forth jakarta-bandung, which is umm a 2 hour drive if you take the freeway. so i registered on the 18th and moved all my stuff into my room and got everything cleaned up that day aswell. the room started to look ok but still needed a few touchups just to make it look a lil nicer :)
padjadjaran university.. huge i tell ya! there i met some new friends while waiting in line. very friendly and nice too! :) also had an incident that day, i lost my original school certificates which were bundled up in a folder. i freaked out so bad and tears were almost falling (felt like a dramaqueen at that time haha). i had to search the whole campus and go back after my footsteps to look for it. thank god a nice-smart-kind-hearted-good-looking friendly senior helped out to look for it with me and after like an hour we found it haha :) i can't imagine how my life was gonna be if i never found that folder, wow!

back to jakarta - home sweet home.
3 days to go till i'm really going to live alone, sigh - oh god my eyes are watering - man i'm scared, nervous, sad but also excited and happy at the same time - ok now there's butterflies in my stomache. hmm each day my lil bro starts doing his homework alone and to tell you the truth, i miss teaching him maths :'( oh my big baby boy i am going to fully miss you!
i can't believe i'm gonna spend my first day of fasting ALONE :( omg!

pfft..
buuuuttt good news is.. everyones been doing great at uni i see. uppe has found her knight prince - as she calls him haha - everyones just been getting along with the new world amazingly well. so happy for all you guys.


aaaand for me?
hmm..
we'll see how it goes ;)

00:08 just isn't the right time.

i'm laying in bed right now and it's 00:08. just had a quick bath after finishing cleaning up and packing my books to take to bandung on wednesday. i know you might think i'm nuts doing this at night, but i can't sleep feeling dirty, dusty and messed up eventhough later on, my feet and my whole body don't feel too good cos of the cold water (which i'm kinda feeling right now). but if my dad knew about me taking late night baths, he'll kill me lol.

righty, today was another packing day. yesterday the clothes, aaaand today the books. i really didn't know which books i wanted to take with me- i don't read much though- but in the box, i put in some reading books, history schoolbooks, a few old magazines, qur'an, some islam articles, photo album, dictionaries, important-must-take-with-me books and uhm that was about it i think. packed in some of my CD's and MP3's in the box too. all fitted perfectly well :)
i don't really wanna stuff up my room with things i don't really need but the box was kinda big and everything mentioned went in, just hope it won't take up too much space. cos i still gotta leave space for the cooking and eating equipments rrr so much to bring! which i dunno will fit or not?

some advice for you people out there, DO NOT shower or bathe at this time of the day! it feels good at first but wait and see how your bones react -.- i am feeling it now! and i don't know how to describe it, but it feel like my legs are sore and hot and cold at the same time (sorry for the bad explanation)

before goodnight, just wanna say how much i can't wait till sunday and tuesday to catch up with the girls and everyone else *BIG BIG SMILE* :)

goodnight world!

finally found a place

ok, so today i now officially have a place to stay for uni.
a nice room, all neat with tiles, bathroom inside the room, a cozy bed and a nice owner :)
the place was only 100m away from my faculty building and i'm happy with that because no need for unsafe public transportation anymore hehe.
and god i can't believe how hot bandung is now, fuih! and the traffic jams are even worse than jakarta, can't believe it :s
i'm gonna be moving in on the 12th, so i think i gotta make a move and start packing quick and buy all my needs before the day.
oh and i just found out that my cousin stayed in the same dorm as me, what a small world haha.
overall, i'm quite satisfied with the room :)
got back to jakarta in the evening, and god how my head is aching right now!
and hey, yesterday was the 4th of july, i forgot. USA's independence day and wow my 7th year here already, the clock just keeps ticking fast.

uni so soon (and i'm nervous) but, huaaa i miss everybody, wanna catch up with them all, but they're all over the place. some are already in depok, some in jogja, then bandung, the rest in different parts of jakarta. when are we gonna meet again? :'(

one step to independency

everyone walks through different lanes to reach their destination, and this is mine.
i have a promise to keep to my parents and i guess it's not going to be easy. at first i wasn't allowed to take my uni in bandung because of the lifestyle that goes around there and how i'm not gonna be living with them, instead rent my own room so yeah i'll be living alone. but i know that anywhere else would be the same, it just depends on me and how i can control myself. and about living alone , that'll be my wake up call and be the start of my independency as an 18 year old.
my parents really trust me this time and all they can do is facilitate me with what i need and send me off with wise words and advice. i know these past times have been hard, but i'll do my best to make them proud. i'll really really try my best to keep my words (because i know at times i won't), but as long as i remeber their advice and how they're struggling to get me there, hopefully it'll all be just fine :) insyallah i'll be a person one day and mark a smile on my family's faces.
i've got more responsibility to handle now. living alone, cooking, washing, cleaning, studying all by myself (and with other new friends later on). gotta be able to control myself from using the credit card they gave me so that i'll be able to eat everyday hahha and that's going to be extremely hard!
well, eventually it's time for me to move ahead another step and hope that i'll reach the top in a matter of time :)
i love you papa, mama and tioooo <3

JAKARTA.BANDUNG

first of all, ALHAMDULILLAH RABBAL ALAMIIIIINN !
why? because yesterday was the results for snmptn, and gratefully, i passed *BIG GRIN*
yesterday after maghrib, uppe called me to say that the results were already out cos dwi had already seen his but unfortunatley he didn't make it. i went crazy and my heart started to pound quicker than ever cos i was freakin scared and nervous to read mine. the results were supposed to be out at midnight but somehow it was out 5 hours earlier and thank god uppe and dwi texted me. sooo i rushed to see how i did. at first i forgot my exam number so i had to go look for that first and that was nervracking going through piles of paper which at that time my hands were ice ice cold and shaking. found it finally! ok, so there i was in front of the pc, typed in snmptn.ac.id (loading took ageeesss) entered my exam number and haha unbelievable! I PASSED, PEOPLE! I PASSED! my eyes were like woah! but wait wait, i didn't know which uni i passed through, cos there was only the code number on the screen and i didn't have a clue which code that was for. realising that i'd lost the guide book-cos i think i left it scattering somewhere (the one with all the code numbers in it) i called dwi and asked him to read the numbers of my uni choices. i was hoping to get the first choice-english departement of ui-instead i got the english departement of unpad. all these feelings started to mix together, happy, dissapointed, sad, glad, confused and speechless. thanked dwi for the help, called the girls and sent the news.
at first i was all ready to go to uin, but because i got unpad, things changed. at first, my deal with my parents were:
● if i get ui, i'll take it
● if i get unpad, i'll take uin
● if i don't get either of them, then uin it is!
scared at first but we talked things out and finally my mama allowed me to choose bandung (eventhough it was still hard for her to let me go). but, my papa had no problem with me going there cos he knew unpad was better than uin :)

but now that thats all over and i'm allowed to stay in bandung. BUT, the big deal now is leaving home, leaving jakarta :(
i'm happy now i know i'm gonna be living alone and everything, you know getting that feel of being indepent. but the more i keep thinking about it the harder it is to say that its all gonna be just fine. honestly, i'm not really good at doing things on my own, eventhough i know im 18 now but its a new thing for me to live without my parents and tio. i depend a lot on them. will i be able to get through 4 years of my life far away from them (well it does take only 3 hours to get there) but still, i dunno how i'll cope? ya allah, lead me to the best :)


to all my schoolmates,
CONGRATULATIONS FELLOW FRIENDS !
78 SENIOR HIGH-32ND GENERATION (2006-2009)
good job guys :) good luck for the future that awaits you, work hard to gain the best!
to those who havn't passed, dw it's not the end of anything. heads up, big smile and know that there's heaps of ways to reach your goal, whatever way, wherever you are :)
i'm just sooo proud to be a part of this great family :)
i love you full *

moody me

03:27am
and, i am still up cos of the usual insomnia-which i think i've been suffering since the first day of the longest holidays ever. oh oh insomnia has been such a good friend-has NOT! accompanying me through the nights WHEREAS i'm supposed to be travelling around the world, dreaming away on my fluffy pillow.

(now playing: stevie hoang-the one)

hmm today was kinda gloomy. the fact that i've been such an itchbay as a daughter to my parents for no clear reasons. i've been ignoring them to what they got to say. been putting on frowns whenever they tell me to do this and that, and just acting with an annoying behaviour which even annoyed myself. i feel bad, i feel guilty and so sorry, and i deeply regret what i've done. idk why i've been acting like this but i'm just hoping that it won't continue tomorrow. i'm sorry but it's just me these couple of days. been moody and very tempremental all of a sudden.
i deeply apologize :'(

so then theres shocking news about a friend and another friend of mine. thought they were mature enough to deal with their matters alone and handle it well, but voila! just made it even worse, great job guys! rrrr -.- come on it's 2009, don't act like innocents and act like you don't know what's going on. face whats in front of you and don't pretend like it's all gonna be ok- cos it's not. grow up! (dw hopefully it's not you haha)

fuuiih, enough of the anger. i think insomnia has headed back to it's cage *yawning* and i think i'll have my earphones on and some easing songs tuned on till i get up again.
next 6 songs on shuffle
● brian mcknight- careless whisper
● mohombi- letting go
● mariah carey- melt away
● lionel richie- stuck on you
● RL(of next)- stranger in my bed
● kim yoo kyung- starlight tears


off to lalaland now, laters !

game of life :)

wow what a day today! :)
woke up at 8 today (amazing progress haha) but slept in for another half hour cos i was so sleepy due to staying up till 4am last night cos of the usual insomnia. stayed up watching dvds and big momma's house on tv (again) and facebooking with rayi, bogel, dwi and msn-ing the rest of the night. and i am dead sleepy now! -.-
at 11 went to school and met up with uppe to get the reports signed. school wasn't crowded as it usually was maybe cos everyone has already moved out to prepare things for uni. oh so quick :s
spent 3 hours at school having a long conversation with uppe updating on the latest events and gossip hehe. left school at 2 to go meet up with amel, rayi and ghazi for some heart to heart spillouts at strawberry cafe-nice place to chill out and it's freakin packed with games. i'm happy to know that amel was able to smile eventhough it was really hard to accept the facts going on. i wouldn't know how i'd cope if i were her and if i were the one walking in her shoes. maybe i didn't do anything to really help and ease the pain, but i'm always here to listen and pay attention. i might not have given the best advice or response but trust me i cared. hope today made you feel better mel, your a strong woman :) hope today made you feel a lil better!
hm soo we ordered some drinks and chose a game to play. the first game we picked was kinda lame (a card game adding the amounts of fruits) but it was fun how we all had powder covering our faces haha. then we chose uno splash and it was funny how we were all ready with our cards and all of a sudden rayi was like ''how do you play this?" haha her face expression was hillarious :D we got through a few rounds and started to get bored and again switched to game of life.
none of us really understood how to play the boardgame though amel and ghazi were used to playing the pc version. we were reading the instruction leaflet the whole game haha.
game of life really cracked us up, the game was about career and education, kinda like monopoly but this was like our miniature future life.
results were:
● amel chose to take the career life, got married, had 2 twins and a baby girl, earned a nice house too.
● ghazi chose the college career lane, single, lived with his dog haha but was a big donater for social funds and his novel became a best seller, worked as a vetenarian.
● rayi chose the college career lane too, but she quit the game on the way haha
● i chose career, ended up getting married first (unbelievable haha)with 2 baby boys and worked as a policewoman, wtf? haha
it'll be surprising if one day, any of these results came true :D i think we'll all laugh crying haha.
&& omfg the double scoop chocolate ice cream surabi was belissimo lezato huahaha, a must to taste on the menu! played chairstacks after that which caused a big noise haha very entertaining piling up chairs and trying not to make them fall :) took a few photos and headed back home at 6ish.






got home, prayed and took a bath and hey hey tio's bday :) we were intending to go out and eat but everyone was too tired to go. tio just got home from badminton practice, mama and papa just finished helping out a neighbour who was moving houses, and me who just got home with a sore leg. so my mama suggested for delivery instead. as tio's request tonight, pizza it was! 3 large and hehe a medium specially dedicated just for me. didn't have cake though cos noone here really likes it so it would only just be a waste. papa said a few words about turning 13 which was supposed to be serious but it turned out to make everyone laugh haha. aww my lil brat officially a teenager now :) again, happy birthday kwetio keribo (my special nickname for him) hope you become more independent in doing your homework yeah ;) haha
always love ya bro!

man i need sleep now ! GOODNIGHT WORLD.

me and blablabla

well oh well, these past 3 days have been really getting me on my nerves. it just felt like everything was so wrong and not in place- i don't even know what i mean by 'not in place' but it felt like things were not how it was supposed to be and everything just didn't go according to plan which really sucked. but stuff that now, i'm feeling the happy spirit again seeing that tomorrow is tio's birthday YAY! :) geee i can't believe he's turning 13 already, no lil kid anymore i guess though he still acts like one :) can't believe that lil brat is growing so fast and he's almost as tall as me now-fact, i'm short so haha
and hey a few more days makes it the 7th year of us living in indonesia since our departure from aussieland. didn't realize time ticked that fast lol. it feels like 2002 was just yesterday-well not really yesterday but yerh
hmm you know, talking about the past brings out so much memories. both the best and the worst.
is it just me or what but i dunno, talking about the past makes me feel like everyone's moved on while i'm still here walking on the spot. feeling that life for me hasn't changed much. it sounds pathetic but thats whats been going through my head lately and continuously. everyone's a step ahead in with their own business while i'm here still doing the same old shit. relationships? i'm gaining nothing from noone lately cos i can't freakin forget about that loser -.- and so much more that's been bothering my mind. it's not a good feeling i tell ya, all your thoughts seem to scramble and think of things you don't want to. god, enough of the complaining!

BOYS BEFORE FLOWERS. this supercool korean drama series and i am crazy over it. i still can't believe i am haha-the fact that i don't like watching asian drama series and those annoying uneducational indo soap operas and the fact that i didn't want to watch it in the first place. but this one you gotta watch! it's got a good storyline and you pick up new lessons on the way. apart from the storyline, omfg the actors are freakin handsome, kim bum, lee min ho and kim joon. the other guy not included haha (the ones who've watched understand what i mean). eventhough it seems kinda eww for a guy to wear tights, all those weird clothing and how metrosexual they are && the way they sit is eww too haha but they are godamn hot! i've watched this like a hundred times already (lebay mode on) still gonna watch it again tonight on tv haha so i'm outta here now ;)

few of the best

i've been listening to a lot of music lately cos of so much spare time.
these are some fine singers and they have the maddest songs that i know of :)
i'm so into their songs. you can check em out on BACKY AND LOSERBOI

LEE CARR
JOHNTA AUSTIN
STEVIE HOANG
BOBBY TINSLEY

* i can't wait for boys before flowers eps 16 :) i didn't get to watch it cos the dvd disc was jammed right on that episode :( but yay yay it's on tonight !

the shit day continues

after the previous events on today's shit day, it kept continuing. before maghrib i was left at home ALONE, cos everyone went out to go buy my mum's medicine near sarinah. they got home around 7 and, hey hey hey! they bought me sweet martabak hehe and that cheered me up a bit cos i really needed something sweet to eat :) but my lil bro just had to ruin my happiness cos i was forced to help him with his usual math homework -.- it took like 2 hours just to finish 5 questions cos he wanted it done EXACTLY like the teacher's example and that was hell long (my way was only 2 lines if he actually would see it both turned out with the same results) rrr he was so annoying i tell you! -.-'
but oh thank god, tonight didn't finish with a shit ending.
bought some strawberry juice and fries. made some ice tea for an extra. and now i'm laying back with lee carr and RL in my ears and an anti acne face mask on. and it feels so cool and easing :) plus facebook and blog in the palm of my hands.
not a bad way to end a shit day ;)

* i've made twitter but i forgot my password haha but anyways i don't even know how to use it :s

what a shit day

omg today was the shittest day. i woke up at 11 and was supposed to go to my aunty's at depok. so i took a bath and got ready. a few minutes after that my mama changed her mind and insisted to stay at home cos she didn't feel like going and said we'll go maybe next week, god i was so pissed, i was ready mama! why didn't you tell me before that rrr.
then i turned on my phone to see if it was working cos last night it couldn't function properly cos of the stupid viruses that i havn't deleted. and congratulations to me, it's officially wrecked now -.-
i lost all my pics and mp3s in my memory card too.
and now i'm using my brother's phone but he kept snatching it off me while i was still online and he did that like 15 times today rrrr (eventhough i know it's his anyways but i said i'm only borrowing it for the internet, NOTHING ELSE and that was like a thousand times and i'm not using his credits anyways, god!). i went on msn and he wasn't on, then jezz was so intimidating i couldn't stand it so i decided to sign off. then i spent 3 hours watching lame tv shows which made me feel more of a shit day. then my mum told me to clean up the room. i sat there grumbling words to myself cos i was in such a bad mood. she kept calling me but i couldn't be bothered so i went outside.
at around 3, my dad came home, and as he promised we were gonna go play football yesterday but it was raining so i asked him if we could go today and he said ok. soo i changed into footy shorts and a loose shirt. i went to go call my lil bro who was playing with his friends and great! he didn't wanna go. pissed off even more -.-
i didn't know why but i really really wanted to go so i said we'll go without tio, but then i forgot that today senayan was freakin full of people cos of IIMS, the STAN test and there was a competition going on at the place where we usually play. i sat there like a dumbass thinking for another place to go to but then i found my dad asleep snoring in bed.
man was i freakin pissed (even more). therefore no football today (again). so i decided to go out and refresh myself but when i looked in my wallet, i only had 25 left. so all day i was stuck at home with all this shit going on :s and i hope it won't continue till tonight.

music, what has it done for you ?

MUSIC.
a topic you'll never get bored of..

i've been listening to music maybe almost ALL my entire life.
my mama said, as a baby i grew up listening to dangdut cos my dad loved it so much-he's a big fan of it and we'd hear it like everyday either on tv or radio and my dad would just turn it up loud so i can hear it and dance to it. then, in my early two's and three's i started listening to those children songs with the happy tunes and stuff like that. in kindergarten we'd listen and sing-a-long to the wiggles, sesame street, barney's anthem haha, twinkle twinkle little star, eyes and ears and mouth and nose, insy winsy spider and everything that you'd find in the nursery rhyme books and cassetes.
but the first real singers that really filled my childhood list of music were like celine dion (her voice is wow), michael jackson (who didn't?), mariah carey (all time fav), britney spears & christina aguilera (their whole albums), spice girls (i was a big fan of sporty spice haha), backstreet boys, n*sync and all those other oldschool boybands and heaps more.
but in year 3-4ish i started listening to rnb, slowjams, rap and hiphop--blackmusic as some call it. some of the firsts were kci&jojo, nelly, envogue, destiny's child, allure, keith sweat, puff daddy, tupac, bone thugs n harmony, bow wow, ja rule and many more.

might seem too much but music has been a great impact in my life, its been a great influence and has played a big role in many ways. i love music as much as i like sleeping, and sleeping is the best haha :D

music can be your friend at whatever time of the day in any situation. it can be the reflection of what you feel, the answer to the problems your facing, your wake up call. it can be about what your going through atm, your lovelife, prayers, imagination, hopes and expectations, just almost EVV-REEE-THINNG. well i might not come from a family of musicians or singers but i've got the music running through me.
try to appreciate music whatever way you can, whatever genre it is. flashback to the old days and see how far music has affected you. cos at least i know i'm a step ahead thanks to music :)


&& happy ①⑧th birthday to irin yasmine, my pigger, my bestyyy :)
love you muah muah ＜3

rain rain go away

aargh its raining heavy here! i'm supposed to go to senayan another hour so to go for some football with tio and my dad but i see i won't be going today if it keeps raining like this :(
instead i'm still at home eating a box of martabak which tio bought me (how nice of him haha) hoping that the rain will stop so i can gooo! i am in need for some outdoor excercise.

the one i'm losing

i wish you could read this and realize how dissapointed i am in the way you've been acting. how sad i am cos you havn't been talking. how angry i am cos your not even trying.
thanks for everything, which will later end out as nothing, if that's the way you want it to be.
if your reason is because of the latest event and missunderstanding, then i just wanna say i'm still here for you bro, believe me. and i'm saying this the way you have always said it to me. you've been my place to share and i've been your place to come to, in your ups and downs. so before you accuse me wrong, talk to me and we'll talk it out like we always did.
it feels like i'm losing you. i miss the real you :'(

high school, forever in my heart

holidays...
sounds fun aye? hell yeah!
but how about 3 months? HELL NO it's not fun at all!
the first two weeks were ok, but now i'm starting to get sick of the holidays. it's getting boring after a month, and to make it worse, i am so broke cos i've been wasting money on unimportant shit too. oh god!
it's making me wanna start uni asap, eventhough i'm kinda not ready for the uni life.

to the main point i guess: I DEARLY MISS HIGH SCHOOL, HEAAPPS !
i wanna go back and sit in my (not permanent) seat next to nadya maisarah nur-my dear chairmate with the rest of the best :) and sit there listen to the teacher going on about whatever. i wanna have those crack ups with the whole class again where we would just laugh about anything. moving classes, gossip at lunch, crazy drama, running away from the teacher, skipping classes, love stories, and the fact that i miss studying like crazy (especially the last 3 months of school), making fun of stupid little things.. and just EVERYTHING!

for me, high school were the maddest times eveeerrr! the place and the times where we start to really think about the future and where we look back to the past and say "i am a better person now than i was before" and "i'm gonna do the best for the future" bla bla bla
i think 3 years still weren't enough, but..
3 years have made me a better person in the ways i know of.
3 years gained me the best of friends that i'll cherish always.
3 years earned me valuable knowledge from the greatest loving teachers and also experiences that maybe i won't experience again in the future.
3 years taught me so much of almost everything.
so much good things about high school to write down that it just won't fit in this blog. even the bad times were good when you look over your shoulder back to those times.
at first, i didn't believe that the "high school is the best period in your life" old saying. but now, i've been there, done that, and yes it is the best period in your life..
as far as i've gone :)

78 senior high school, forever in my heart <3

HAHA good old primary days

so i met my primary teacher on facebook and she sent me a few school pics by email.
omg they were good old days, all the fun and stuff :)

this was in year one when we were still lil kiddies haha. look how small we were :) well the uniform was still red at that time.


well this wasn't my class, but it was lani's year 6 class, she is a good friend of mine that i met in aussie ages ago and we went to the same school, still family too. she still is the best! hard to believe that we havn't seen each other though since then -.-
and omg look at the hairstyles ! HAHA

aaannnddd, this was my last year in mwps. though i wasn't in this photo (cos i left a few weeks before school photos, damn!) man , the best class of mwps ! great teacher, mad friends ! miss u guys <3

HAHAHA GOOD OLD PRIMARY DAYS WERN"T THEY ! :)

as bruce lee said

i bumped into an inspiring quote today that caught my eye.

"notice that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked, while the bamboo or willow survives by bending with the wind"
- BRUCE LEE

it turned out to have a lot of meanings to me and i tried to explain it in my own words haha.

1. learn to accept other people's critics and opinion. don't be a hardheaded person. those who tend to live without critism in their life are those who later on fall deep in their own mistakes.
2. don't be a snob and brag about things you have, things you've done, and things you've said cause they might just be the things that are gonna bring you down.
3. be an open minded and flexible person. these are a few things that make you a person that can fit in, in any situation with other different people.
4. be down to earth. the higher you go, the higher the wind blows.
5. looking strong on the outside doesn't mean you are inside. we're all vulnerable but in our own ways and times. it doesn't hurt to show you feel, tears fall for a reason.
6. let yourself choose the things you want and need in life, because standing there doing nothing today ain't a solution for a better tomorrow.

so.. bend with the wind :)

tio and mathematics have the same thing in common

meet my lil brother, ilham austio syofian, tio for short. thirteen this july, big MU fan and a football maniac. he's the best lil bro ever ! thooough sometimes he can be a pain in the neck, especially when it comes to helping him with his homework-MATHEMATIC HOMEWORK that is! it's like hell when we talk about this subject (i really mean it). everything just gets stressful. me teaching him until my neck veins start popping out, him listening to me with the i-dont-understand-face and the fact that he starts crying when it gets all intense. i swear, it's a hard job teaching an eighth grader mathematic almost everyday.
i just happened to finish teaching him some x y z's and AGAIN, it was stressful! it took a freakin hour just to answer 3 annoying questions haha.
i see that tio and mathematics have a few things in common:

- they both drive me crazy
- tio is complicated to understand, just like mathematics.
- in math you need the right formula to get the right answer, whereas tio, you need the right words to get the right explanation from him.
- they've both been in my life eversince the first day i met them haha.
- in math, the higher the level the harder it is. tio? the older he is the harder he is to tell!

god, i just wish he can get through all his mathematic homework days without all this drama haha
love you lil brat no matter what <3

my so called lovelife

there have been come and go's in my so called LOVELIFE. starting from those primary crushes, the puppy love, heartaches and heartbreaks, the closest ones who end up being the best place to pour your heart out to, the better-of-as-friends cases (which actually were better), the serious and not serious ones and even the ones that were just kept silent in the heart for noone else to know.
few realize that i don't talk about this topic much, not that i don't wanna share, but just cause i feel it's better to keep it alone with only a few of the closest people knowing.
but today, i felt like posting a few stories on my blog to share, maybe the ones i feel free to talk about.

THE PRIMARY CRUSHES

hahaha, i laugh whenever i flashback about this period of time, they were the funny fun times. first crush was L, he was like my best friend too since kindergarten. he was the tallest guy in class haha, he always helped me with schoolwork and everything else i needed help with. played chase almost every lunchtime. overall he was one of the nicest, caring and smart guys i've met, and i'm sure he still is, maybe thats why i had a crush on him hehe.
hmm other one was I, he was a new kid in year 4, he sat next to me on the first day not knowing where he came from. he was a cool, easygoing, friendly guy. i remember he kept calling me maxsteel cause of my silver hairtie (still don't know the reason why). i see he liked my lil bro, he helped me look for icecubes when my lil bro bumped his head on the pole haha. well overall yeah he was special to me :)

THE BETTER OF AS FRIENDS
sometimes things go the way you don't want it to go and maybe that's the best thing for you.
in those junior high school days, there was always a friend that was there to listen to you whatever time of day it was. you'd call or just text them to tell unimportant things about your life and he'd listen to you like there was only you as sound in his ears. but as time went by, he starts acting weird, he puts on a different mimmick on his face when he talks to you and eventually you do the same. he just took everything wrong. late night he texts you and says that we should be more than just friends, but then you realize your better off as JUST friends. haha typical love story but it did end up better off like that, and now we're still in touch better than ever :)

to be continued laterr, heading of to aunty's house to taste some good food, slurrps ;) tada !

maskeran featuring bokap

pfft seharusnya hari ini gw ada di pim lagi, nerusin revisi data bts kemaren, cuma ya karena isu isu bom ga jelas yg akhir-akhir ini beredar, gw ga boleh keluar rumah, padahal kemaren gw boleh pergi ? aneh, bete -.- !

sooo, semalem pulang dari hari yg menyenangkan agak melelahkan, gw mulai ritual baru bareng nyokap yaitu MASKERAAN BAREENG ! fun thing to do pastinya hehe yaah walopun tadinya males soalnya uda malem tapi jadi juga walopun 'sedikit' gagal hehe :)
lucunya pas bokap gw pulang dari lapangan bulutangkis nonton orang tanding semifinal, dia ngeliat gw sama nyokap gw lagi tiduran trus asik nikmatin maskerannya. awalnya ditawarin gamau, alesannya ngapain cowo harus maskeran? buat apa kulit cowo lembut dll. tp pas gw ama nyokap gw mulai ngerayu ''veh enak bgt va, covain deh ! ademv avis lho va !'' dia mulai tertarik haha trus ikut nimbrung minta dipakein juga haha :D akhirnya gw pasang masker buat bokap gw walopun agak susah soalnya muka gw juga dimasker. sengaja gw pasangin yang anti ageing biar mukanya jadi awet muda hehe.
uda dipasangin, bokap ikut tiduran disbelah nyokap gw, eh bokap gw mulai ngoceh, cerita soal bomlah, ngurus pasporlah, soal ijazah SD dia yang dia kasih secara SUKARELA ke sahabatnya buat ngurusin apalah haha konyol bgt tuh cerita !(padahal sebelumnya uda gw bilangin, jgn ngajak ngomong dulu, ntar maskernya berantakan) eh gara-gara itu juga gw ama nyokap mulai ngomel ''ah vava mah vikin ketavwa mvulu nih kacau dah'' soalnya masker kita uda berantakan gara-gara ngetawain bokap gw. ngeliat masker gw sama nyokap uda berantakan eeh malah diterusin ketawa sama cerita flashback waktu giginya copot, lagi makan daging apa gitu di restoran sama temennya. makin jadi dah ketawanya.
karena uda ga tahan ketawa lagi, gw sama nyokap copot tuh masker trus ngakak sepuasnya.
- and that was the end of our maskering night! hahaha
kesimpulan: jgn maskeran bareng orang yg suka ngajak ketawa, kalaupun dia mau ikutan, selotipin dulu mulutnya biar ga bisa ngelawak haha :)
all over it was a hillarious night! mau lagi ntar ah maskeran featuring bokap, seru juga ternyata ! :)

&& this is a pic of my mama and papa. tampang boleh serius dan galak, kenyataan berkata sebaliknya hahaha

hey tukang bom !

bom lagi, bom lagi ! ada apa sih sama orang-orang yang demen bgt ngebom di indonesia? for goodness sake, STOP IT !
ga liat apa akibatnya? liat tuh di tv orang-orang nangisin keluarganya, temennya, rekan kerjanya. apa lo ga punya keluarga, ga punya temen, ga punya hati? uda gitu yg lo bom hotel asing pula. ga mikir apa akibatnya ke dunia internasional. indonesia uda mulai diterima baik oleh negara lain, eh lo malah kerajinan ngebom marriot, muara angke ama ritz carlton.

hey tukang bom denger :
klo lo WNI, lo sangat memalukan negara ini ! BE A SHAME OF YOURSELF ! dosa lo makin banyak tau, makin cepet masuk neraka.
klo lo WNA, ngapain sih lo ngebomin negara orang? bom aja sana negara lo sendiri , GET LOST ! EFF YOU !

hmm tapi klo ini ternyata sebuah konspirasi supaya MU ga jadi dateng ato gara-gara hasil pemilu, well.. what can i say ?

+ turut berduka cita buat korban dan keluarga korban yang meninggal dan terluka dalam musibah ini.

SEMANGAAAT !

in life, you step into many stages and levels. you run into problems, confusion, heartbreak, failure, and so many more things that sometimes you feel that it's impossible to get through all of it. it's happened to me a lot. thinkin it's impossible to do this and that, be friends with him and her, go to this place and that place, impossible getting what you want, choosing the right person, which school to go to, just always being pesimist in the things you do and want.
right now, i'm thinkin about the snmptn results - the finale. to be honest , i think it's impossible for me to earn a place in UI, competing with thousands of other students with the same goal. eventhough i'm already accepted in another uni but there are still high hopes for UI. but i realized that it's the same thing, wether you go to this uni or that uni, it depends on yourself, on your own individual thoughts. maybe you do have more pride in going to a number one ranked university in your country. but again, whats the point if your there doing nothing to make yourself better in the ways you want to? sometimes you don't open your eyes wide enough to see how big this world is , and how theres so many things around you and many more places to go to.

to all my friends out there that are still waiting and hoping the best for snmptn and everything else, don't give up, keep praying! nothing is impossible and yet, impossible is nothing! even mission impossible was accomplished, see? but.. if you don't earn that seat, maybe it just might've not been yours but HOLD YOUR HEAD UP HIGH! theres no need to see yourself as a failure because YOU'RE NOT A FAILURE! believe, there are other places waiting for you to lead you to the road of success, and thats where you will be doing your thing :)

SEMANGAAAT !!

hello morning !

wow, i can't believe i'm awake this early. and.. posting a new entry too haha. i'm starting to like this blogging thing :) since ive got nothing to do anyways.

so why is it tham i'm so surprised i'm awake this early? clearly cause i'm awake at THIS time of the morning. but why does it seem abnormal to me? cos.. i have a bad habit thats so hard to deal with: sleeping late and then waking up late too (read:begadang) ! seems like a small deal, but it's actually a big one.
on the holidays or even weekends. on a usual night free from school or any activity, i can sleep until dawn and wake up approximatley 11 or 12 (thats if my mum doesn't come in and start yapping at me to wake up). a few times, ive slept a WHOLE day, until my head felt really dizzy and my back aching. i realize theres no advantages to this, but somehow it can't stop. you can say its like insomnia at night and bed fever in the morning.

i really wanna fight this habit, but i guess i need time. one of the main reasons i'm trying so hard, cos my aunty once said that it'll later on affect the brain, memory storage even worse. and lots of other different illnesses. maybe thats why ive become such a forgetful person these days?

well a word of advice from me to you : if you have bad habits, theres nothing wrong to start and fight against it, cos you'll never what negative effects it'll bring you.

laters, im off for breakfast !

my name is ?

some people might be asking , what the heck is your real name. it isn't a big deal but i think it has confused a few people. so lemme make it clear .

i was born with the name KHAIRIYAH SARTIKA , and it's the same name on my birth certificate aswell. this is the name that my parents gave me (they were planning on naming me jone before that , wtf ?? haha) , and with a lil help of arabic translation from my aunty. khairiyah means good woman , and sartika was the name of an indonesian woman-hero. the hope was that later on i'd grow to become a good woman that can help others in every way.
entering kindergarten , my dad enrolled me with the name tika , and syofian as my surname just like my dad's surname. in a few countries you only use your given name and surname, they don't ask for full names. i used that name until i moved back to indo in year 6. thats how i ended up people knowing me as TIKA SYOFIAN .
sooo i started school here and used my birthname until the end of high school . but , why is it KHAIRIYAH SARTIKA SYOFIAN now ? becaauseee .. i've been meeting old friends on facebook , and what they know is im tika syofian and i hate it when people think i'm a random when i'm using my real full name and they don't have a clue who i am , it takes a looong time to accept the request . and on the other hand other friends know me as khairiyah. so rather than making it a big fuss , there you go ! khairiyah sartika syofian , kinda awkward but it has helped a lot :)
i've lived with each name for almost equally 9 years.

but call me whatever you like, tika, teka teekay, tick-tock, tic-tac, tik-tik-tik, tixie, sticka, tibeng, tince , yaaaw whatever suites you :)

unemployed

pre-school : DONE !
kindergarten : DONE !
primary : DONE !
junior high : DONE !
senior high : DONE !
work : UNEMPLOYED !

i might be one of the million people in indo with the same education life. going through 12 years of formal schooling, but ending up with no job.

what is the point of accomplishing so many years ? well to me , one of the reasons is for the future , for a high quality job that'll take me to better levels and aspects in life .

but it seems that looking for jobs here in indo is a huge struggle ! no mean to complain but it's reality.
eventhough we have those degrees, the certificates and even the skill , its still ain't easy !
maybe in other countries, working part time at the age of 15 or so is a normal thing , over here , talk about 15 ! you might even grow till your 20's and not have a job.

it does depend on how hard you try to look for a job , but theres always a FACTOR-X .

my hope is that indo will have more vacant jobs to offer us , so you wont be ending up like me , more outcome than income and wasting time on thousands of things i should be doing right now.
but for now, JUST KEEP LOOKIN & TRYIN !
do your best and let god do the rest !


oh well , chao for now !

how children inspire us

so , lately i've been going back and forth to the hospital to see my lil cuz thats been staying there for about 2 weeks-almost.
he's a bubbly 5 year old diagnosed with leukimia just a few weeks ago, and so are the other patients in the same room as him. some are still very small-babies to be exact, some are toddlers and some are almost in their teen age.
some have spent their childhood in their beds, and how would that feel ? they're all still too small to suffer this much, sometimes i just can't bare to watch them getting injected, going trhough chemotherapy and seeing they're hair fall off one by one. gooosssshhh its sad, its heartbreaking !
how would you feel if you knew that YOU were seriously ill? well maybe i'd be crying to the max and maybe start to become hopeless in many ways.
well, did you know that these children in that hospital were far from hopeless. they were bright, smart, cheerful, bubbly, encouraging, inspiring- well you can name it all the goods things. they didn't look as though they were going through any illness whatsoever- well only when the doctor comes in and gives them their injection and medicine.
they had fighting spirits, and i mean BIG fighting spirits. they were'nt any different from any other normal healthy kid. you could see the hope of getting better in their eyes. some had been in the same bed for 8 years, like a 15 year old girl i talked to. her name was rini, she suffered from telasemia (which is kinda like leukimia, but this relates to the red blood vessels). well rini is 15 , but she has a physical appearance of a 7 year old kid. she is very cheerful and likes to play with the hospital nurses. shes been medicated for 8 years but she never gives up, so do her parents. they always believe that there is a way and that rini can still live her normal life.
and so as ali-my lil cuz, he hasnt changed one bit since he was diagnosed positive leukimia. still playing with his friends, screaming, hide and seek, eating the same things, just doing his children things.

children inspire us in many ways. eventhough they might not think like an adult, or act like one. they're the ones that make an adult think and act in a proper way.
never give up on hope, cause theres always a light at the end of the tunnel.



to all the children out there, keep inspiring , and touch those many hearts out there.
get well soon ali <3 get well everybody !

my studdy buddies

As I walk into my bedroom I see pictures,
On my wall a collection of memories.
The county fair, a movie there,
A time we don't remember where
The won't let me forget the time we share
You know I'm always thinking of you,
No matter what the time of day or place,
Cause you were my friend when there was no other
And all of my love for you can never be erase


No I never had a friend like you and I hope we stay together,
Cause somehow were gonna make it through and you'll be my friend forever,
No matter how far away you'll always have a special place,
No I never had a friend like you, no I never had a friend like you
It feels good to know your only a call away,
I reminence about the times when we would play
At the bus stop at the park, shooting ball after dark
And we knew we shouldn't be out that late
Everybody has that special someone,
And for me that someone was you
Through every strom that has proposed us,
you never left my side and always kept it true
I aint never had a friend like you


A friend like you to get me through my problems,
A friend like you I can turn to when life gets cold,
A friend like you who listens when there's nothing left to say,
Imaginging those things I used to say as we played,
A friend like you who I can cherish for life,
A friend like you the one who made me care
Eveytime I look into your eyes I pray to say
A friend like you to me, you'll always be right there...

SAMMIE - FRIEND LIKE YOU
<3>

so this is the end of senior high school and a new beginning in the uni life.
overall i'm happy , but its the letting go and the goodbyes that i hate about farewells. i've had the best 3 years in the best senior high and with the most incredible friends everrrrrr.
i always pray and wish the best for all, for success and all the good thingd for the future !
i love 78 senior high school , batch '09 <3
and i hope i find more friends LIKE YOUUUU !!! :)

the good outweighs the bad

so , these few days have been quite tough.
yesterday there was really bad news to hear. my lil cousin, ali was taken to the hospital cause he was goin through all sorts of pain and aching since these few weeks. late night yesterday his stomache felt very stiff, his skin was bruising somehow and he felt very dizzy, and somehow his gums kept bleeding. he just couldnt get up that night, whereas at noon he was still jumping and fussing around with his other lil friends. so before anything worse happened his mum took him to ciptomangunkusumo and the doctors said ... that he was suffering from leukimia stadium 4. OMG i couldnt say anything, i was shocked ! how could a 5 year old hyperactive smart cute lil kid be diagnosed with such an illness like that. this news really stunned all my family cos weve never had this kind of illness in our family tree. but only allah knows why ...
all i hope is that ali would recover to perfect health and get back to his normal daily activities. i just cant bare to see him lay there in the hospital fidgeting with his toys alone :( come back home !!
get well soon lil cuz ! i love youuuuu <3

but as my dad said "berita buruk biasanya diselingi dengan berita gembira" (bad news are relieved by good news) and yes that wastrue !
alhamdulillah i got through my university test and passed , entering international relations of national islamic university :) amin !
i hope there will be more good news later on for ali !

*this has been my best birthday present soooo far today :)